Sarah Palin's soon-to-be-released Going Rogue, obtained by Huffington Post on Friday, consists mainly of her life story, her political philosophy, her attacks on the McCain campaign and her love-hate relationship with the media.
But within its pages are plenty of her home-spun expressions and evidence of her unique sense of humor (or lack of it in some cases).
If any vegans came over for dinner, I could whip them up a salad, then explain my philosophy on being a carnivore: If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?
I love meat. I eat pork chops, thick bacon burgers, and the seared fatty edges of a medium-well-done steak. But I especially love moose and caribou. I always remind people from outside our state that there's plenty of room for all Alaska's animals -- right next to the mashed potatoes.
Government was growing as fast as fireweed in July...
In Alaska, we joke that we have two seasons: construction and winter.
I don't like to hear people complain: I am the first to say, 'Buck up or stay in the truck.'
Upon her resignation, Palin's dad quipped: "Sarah's not retreating; she's reloading!"
A group of left-wing bloggers had been yakking about porn pictures and videos of me that they threatened would soon be released to the public.
"And those sexy videos were supposedly shot between which pregnancies?" I asked.
That day in sunny Texas when the divorce rumors were rampant in the tabloids, I watched Todd, tanned and shirtless, take the baby from my arms and walk him back to the ranch house so Trig could nap while I made calls. Seeing Todd's blue eyes smiling, I chuckled.
Dang, I thought. Divorce Todd? Have you seen Todd?
Palin goes into detail about her appearance on "Saturday Night Live" including how her own skit suggestions were rejected, her kind words for Tina Fey, why she refused to shake hands with Oliver Stone and the rap that her daughter loves to repeat to this day.
And she describes how her moment with Fey almost didn't happen -- "Word came back that Lorne [Michaels] was leery of letting Tina and me share the same stage because Tina's liberal politics might cause her to ad-lib something snarky that would stick like a burr...."
"I looked at the script. It wasn't all that funny. SNL writers had taken the campaign's 'Drill, baby drill" mantra and turned it into a risque double entendre about Todd and me. I thought, Nah. C'mon, New York talent, we can do better than that...
The campaign's Fey fears turned out to be overblown. Instead, when I met her, she was friendly and gracious. Fresh-faced, very petite and wearing jeans, Tina was standing near the wings holding her adorable little girl, Alice, who was about three.
'Don't worry!" Tina said when I walked up. "They'll put makeup on me!"
Then I noticed Alice turning her head back and forth, first to Tina, then to me, then to Tina again.
I smiled: "We're confusing your daughter."...
She told me that her husband's parents were GOP loyalists. I enjoyed meeting them later when they came backstage at a rally....
She also refused to shake the hand of Oliver Stone, who made a cameo on that show, due to his support for Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez.
Palin's ideas for a skit with Alec Baldwin were turned down several times. Her suggestions were: "Hey, Baldwin, weren't you supposed to leave the country after the last election?" 'Hey Alec, I saw Stephen at a fund-raiser last week and asked him when he was going to knock some sense into you.
Yet her daughter Piper liked the "Weekend Update" skit with Amy Poehler's rap:
To this day, I still hear Piper rapping around the house: You say Obama, I say Ayers! Obama... Ayers! Obama... Ayers!