If you're wondering why God hasn't yet saved the Constitution -- or bathed Tiger Woods in the redemptive light of religious ecstasy that he needs to be forgiven for his transgressions and thought of as a great American role model, instead of a needy cad who had sex with every woman he encountered -- maybe it's because God has gotten himself totally bogged down in small-bore defense contract lobbying!
That's the news from the Mobile, Alabama Press-Register, anyway, which finds God's emissaries engaged in intervening on the Lord's behalf over a contract for Northrop-Grumman.
Velma Jackson asked the council to start a weekly prayer meeting at noon Wednesdays in the atrium of Government Plaza.
"If you do this," she said, "you will be awarded the tanker contract you so diligently seek."
If Northrop Grumman and EADS win a U.S. Air Force refueling tanker contract, the planes would be assembled in Mobile, creating 1,500 local jobs.
But the tasty carrot was balanced with a sharp stick. If the city doesn't host the prayer meetings, Jackson said, "the water in the rivers will come up and flood the city."
"This is the word of the Lord," she said.
So there you have it. God is a lobbyist, now. Somebody tell Andy Partridge.