For its Shape Issue, Vogue had 22-year-old Dutch model Kim Noorda, identified as "on the precipice of an eating disorder," enroll at the Renfrew Center for eating disorders in New York. Noorda kept a diary of her time in therapy. She started off in January 2009 at five feet ten and 110 pounds, and the Renfrew nutritionist asked her to gain one pound per week for four weeks.
After leaving therapy in February 2009, Noorda wrote:
Not a single person has told me that I have gained weight since the start of the shows. Not during the castings, and not even my European agent has said anything. Everything fit. This confused me, because I thought people could see every gram. Then again, no one has said that I look good, either, or commented on my appearance otherwise. When I started looking at pictures from the first show, there were still some things I disliked. My legs and cheeks have become fatter. I really need to do something about that. Exercises. On the Internet there are no positive reactions to how I looked....
In April 2009, Noorda weighed 125, "and seemed livelier and more self-assured," according to the article's editor. But come fall, she was still worried about how heavy she'd look on the catwalk:
In New York I want to be enthusiastic about the shows, but I can't seem to: I keep being unsure about my weight. By the end of it I want to go home. Skip London. But my agents advise me to go there. Then I let go again and just do my best. Milan, surprisingly, is a lot of fun. The shows do not go great, and people definitely made me feel I was too big, but outside of that I have a really good time.
By January 2010, Noorda seems to be a changed woman:
I watch my weight, but I do not want to compromise my health, or my happiness. Happiness I get from living, which means one day watching a movie with a friend, both too tired to cook, and picking up a pizza. I just want to eat well to have the energy to do all the things that life brings. There is a park near my house where I go running every now and then, and a yoga place that I like a lot. There's a really cool swimming pool, where the water is the same level as the canal, with just windows separating the two so you feel like you are swimming in the canal. My family is here, though I see them less. I can always ask my parents for advice, but I like deciding more on my own now. I see a lot more of my friends. It really feels like my life is getting some more shape.
Read the full article at Vogue.com.
SUBSCRIBE AND FOLLOW
Get top stories and blog posts emailed to me each day. Newsletters may offer personalized content or advertisements.Learn more