06/15/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Tom Cruise To Speak At CAA Corporate Retreat

Yes, the agents are leaving their Century City marble mausoleum for Ojai starting tomorrow because it's retreat time. For the next few days, the scheduled speakers include tennis star Andre Agassi (who can give a how-to lecture about lying to the public to cover up a year's worth of crystal meth addiction), Universal Studios COO/president Ron Meyer (who can provide a blow-by-blow account about making a year of money-losing movies), and Tom Cruise (who can discuss what it's like to disappear into the witness protection program after losing his career and his studio).