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The Most Absurd Break-Up Letters Of All Time

The Huffington Post   Willy Appelman   First Posted: 06/22/10 06:12 AM ET   Updated: 05/25/11 05:15 PM ET

People break up for many reasons. Maybe it was loyalty issues, maybe it was problems on the dance floor or maybe it was the naked pictures of their ex that they kept on the background of their phone. Whatever the case may be, we're lucky these folks did it in letter form. We've compiled some of the most absurd letters we could find so that next time you write a break up letter, you'll be prepared. Enjoy!

McCain's Effect On Love
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Dave isn't into "Big Government" and Beth isn't into "Big" Dave; this courtship was bound to fail. (source)
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People break up for many reasons. Maybe it was loyalty issues, maybe it was problems on the dance floor or maybe it was the naked pictures of their ex that they kept on the background of their phone.
People break up for many reasons. Maybe it was loyalty issues, maybe it was problems on the dance floor or maybe it was the naked pictures of their ex that they kept on the background of their phone.
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zarkinfrood
5 Fans
08:09 AM on 05/17/2010
I made the giraffe break up letter. Makes me feel kinda good to see a silly little doodle getting so much attention.
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vcorta
0 Fans
02:58 AM on 05/19/2010
i'd friggin' marry you if i got that letter. of course, you wouldn't take me if you already broke up with me.
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
Miss Muffett
Don't worry about money - it will go away.
942 Fans
 
04:26 PM on 05/06/2010
LOVED #3. The girl is like 100,000,000 sparkly trampolines, but still apparently not good enough for him. LMAO!
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NikkiNY12
24 Fans
11:51 AM on 04/26/2010
Between the giraffe, the "i took the dog he hates you", and the Luke sky-walker pun these are the best breakups EVER lmao....its so absurd and hilarious that you can't help but laugh and be happy its over...if my ex wouldve sent me the giraffe note I would've been grateful. Rather than the email crap he had the nerve to send me after yrs smdh....funny!
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R a v e n
2 Fans
11:45 PM on 04/25/2010
"I want to crawl up inside you like Luke Skywalker crawled up inside his tauntaun..."

Actually the tauntaun was dead and disembowelled (by Han) at the time, which makes it perhaps not the most romantic analogy ever.

(Also Luke was unconscious and Han had to stuff him inside, but who's counting?)

You'll note that any human re-enactment of that would be regarded as a bloody crime scene, not a love nest.
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
WRPrintz
Your Micro-bio is empty.
91 Fans
10:17 AM on 04/26/2010
Dude...that was the most awesome nerdlove letter ever. EVER. My heart broke for him. If he had mentioned the Ewoks though...he would have deserved a Mos Eisley Table blasting send off.....
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richardesque
2 Fans
07:45 PM on 04/25/2010
In the 8th grade I got one that looked remarkably like #4. The naked pics of the ex on the cell phone, #7 - that takes the prize for me! Hilarious.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
eXcommunicate
59 Fans
04:36 PM on 04/25/2010
I took the dog. He hates you.
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openhand
96 Fans
11:05 AM on 04/25/2010
Always loved the one Homer wrote for Bart when he had to break up with his teacher, Mrs Crabapple. Went something like this:

"Dear baby.

Welcome to dumpsville, population you.

p.s. I am gay."
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T C Mits
19 Fans
09:27 AM on 04/25/2010
I think #1 is quite reasonable.
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
rukiddingmerightnow
359 Fans
01:01 PM on 04/25/2010
Totally agree. I love that one. And the billboard is pretty cool too
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
LiberalBuzz
Voting republican is voting against America.
2461 Fans
12:57 AM on 04/25/2010
I got one back about 20 years ago; the "classic" version of coming home to an empty house with a short note and all of her things gone. She had met some guy with a corvette who told her he was on his way to becoming rich through his inventions (I would tell you what one of them was but I'd be embarrassed)

Funny thing......about a year later ran into her mom who said he had dumped her while they were on a trip leaving her in a hotel room. No note, nothing. She gets out of the shower and he's gone along with all his things. She sees a flashing light on the phone and picks it up....is it him? No it's the girl waiting for him downstairs,leaving a message wonder what the F is taking him so long to get his things and meet her in the lobby.

So she called mom to send her money to get home.

Karma can be such a beech.

But some of those letters are just classic and yeah I figured the billboard one was photoshopped.

Reminded me of the old joke of the guy telling his wife he's left her for his young secretary and to sell his other Porsche and send him half the money and the next thing ya know he's getting a letter with a dollar bill in it along with the copy of the bill of sale. She sold it for two bucks.
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GrownupStewie
152 Fans
09:32 PM on 04/24/2010
I was dumped when i was taking a shower, and they scrawled on the bathroom mirror "WE R OVER, IM LEAVING" with a bar of soap....

yeah, classy, i was actually laughing out really hard afterwards...
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ChicagoSuz
Writer/Teacher/Actor/Activist
314 Fans
12:12 AM on 04/25/2010
"They" ??? ;-)
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
iLoveOldNY
What Would George Carlin do?
1365 Fans
08:18 PM on 04/24/2010
The giraffe one is awesome. I'm still laughing.
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TheAlchemist
448 Fans
08:36 PM on 04/24/2010
I liked that one, too!
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
rukiddingmerightnow
359 Fans
01:02 PM on 04/25/2010
was great
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friznank
185 Fans
06:59 PM on 04/24/2010
Pretty much the best one actually...
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jena132
86 Fans
05:55 PM on 04/24/2010
One time I had a boyfriend that left me a note on my door with my key in it......yeah, he was a winner.
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joeblow
199 Fans
06:13 PM on 04/24/2010
Jena....Did you say a 'weiner?'
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BellCurve
73 Fans
04:24 PM on 04/24/2010
Apparently the billboard was a brief marketing initiative for Court TV.

http://www.snopes.com/love/revenge/emily.asp
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
jena132
86 Fans
05:54 PM on 04/24/2010
I thought it looked photoshopped.
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erinker
218 Fans
02:43 PM on 04/24/2010
My boyfriend of one year dumped me via text message. Yeah. it was pretty awesome.
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