Kiss your marital woes goodbye. Just don't kiss the blanket. Why, you ask? Because it's not only absorbed not only your troubles, but also your partner's nighttime bonanza of flatulence. The "Better Marriage Blanket" (obviously the number one cause of mediocre marriages is sleep-farting) not only exists, but it may be the first device created solely to fight farting.
While we're disgusted that we as a society apparently need such an item, we would have loved to have sat in on the meeting where they came up with this.
Flustered Exec: I'm sorry I'm late. The wife was dutch-ovening up a storm last night. And it's like my blanket just fanned the fire...Anyway, what's on the docket for today?
Exec 2: Get me cable television on the phone. We've got an informercial to make!