Hating Your Ex Necessary To Move On, Study Finds

A new study out of the University of Utah puts into science what many of us may have already known: that trashing your ex after a breakup makes you feel better. And there's more -- the study says that ex-bashing may actually stave off depression.

The Chronicle of Higher Education has more:

The study involved 65 undergraduates who had recently broken up with someone whom they had been dating for more than four months. Researchers asked them to fill out a questionnaire about their ex and also had them take a computer test that rated their reactions to negative words, including the name of their former boyfriend/girlfriend.

What they found was that people who indicated strong negative feelings about their ex in the immediate aftermath of the breakup were less likely to be depressed. The subjects were re-tested a month later, and those whose feelings had grown more negative also generally felt better.

The study was conducted by Christopher P. Fagundes and published in Cognition and Emotion.

What do you think? Slamming an ex -- yea or nay?

Comments

[nnader29]

04:18 PM on 05/14/2010

It's okay to be angry, it'll motivate you to move on, but do NOT get bitter as that'll only eat you up like cancer.

[OldHeathen]

12:14 AM on 05/13/2010

It can be hard to move forward when your still fighting over something, I forgave the ex and can have cordial words when I called for the kids. Forgiveness lightened MY burden, and helped with my relationship with my kids.I can be tough at first, but your worth the effort.

[mamacat]

11:57 PM on 05/12/2010

I do not see the need to bash anyone. However, the trauma from the ex was very hard to get over.

[ZiloRS]

06:39 PM on 05/12/2010

Man I read this at the exact right time....I feel so much better.

[MomfromTexas]

04:58 PM on 05/12/2010

Looking back at breakups, I have to say that the ones I trashed the most were the ones on my mind the most, which was related to being depressed or very angry about something he had done. The ones I didn't trash were the ones I got over, didn't think about very much, or was able to remain decent friends with. So, in my life, this hasn't been true, at all. Quite the opposite.

[AJH]

04:08 PM on 05/12/2010

No, but keeping them in your life as friends can create dificulties in your future relationships. It is necessary to move on.

[Aerows]

03:39 PM on 05/12/2010

Only necessary when you didn't love them to begin with. Because then, you can cast affection aside.

When you love them, you loved them for a reason, and likely because you shared the same values.

Love does not forsake. Love is not like that.

[SF TKF]

01:28 PM on 05/14/2010

The only one I hate is the one I thought shared my values but really, REALLY didn't.

[boyoboy]

03:32 PM on 05/12/2010

As a divorced person, I wouldn't call it hate. I would call it anger, and I think people need that anger to 'unlove' their former partner. In addition to anger, most people grieve for a relationship that's ended, and a myriad of other emotions.

I can say that trashing the ex can be cathartic. I don't mean trashing in a mean way, but more like poking fun at your ex. I did it; my former sister-in-law did it.

Sooner or later it all wears off, and at some point, you realize that you've moved on.

[Getalifealready]

03:29 PM on 05/12/2010

Not giving a s$*t about them is what did it for me.

[audadvnc]

03:28 PM on 05/12/2010

I don't hate my ex-wife, but she goes through intermittent hate flings at me, and tries mightily to drag me into her mire. Sometimes she succeeds, and I fail.

[FlipMode]

03:17 PM on 05/12/2010

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. If you care enough to bash or hate, you still have feelings and are not over it.

[Ellyllon]

02:55 PM on 05/12/2010

That's crazy - isn't it the other way around, when you get over the emotion, and that's when you 'move on?' I've never hated an ex (then again, I think I was always the one leaving... still!) I've hated people who did treacherous things to me, but that was never a romantic relationship... More like, the guy who did my landscaping and put in a pond without asking while I was gone, then charged a massive amount... Him, I still bear furious emotion for, unto my dying day!

[WA-violins]

03:19 PM on 05/12/2010

I agree totally with you. I'm friends with all my exes. Hate is a horribly destructive emotion. I only hated the guy that physically attacked me. But I got even very quickly in a nonviolent way that totally blew his mind and he was forced to leave town forever. Having felt like I came out the winner, I had no emotional problems with it.

[Hey Lady]

02:54 PM on 05/12/2010

A friend and myself were each going thru a painful divorce. Our motto was "Heal the hurt thru hating".....worked for us!

[MarcEdward]

02:36 PM on 05/12/2010

Of course Facebook is wonderful to finding out a long-lost ex has screwed up their life even more than you have - things to look for would be
- lots of weight gain
- natural signs of aging
- ugly children
- spouse who doesn't look as hot as you do
- divorce(s)
I never want to run into any of my ex but I sure like finding out if any got to be over 300 pounds (2 have)

[ConradJ]

02:35 PM on 05/12/2010

I never hated any of my exes but if they are the clingy try to hang on type you might have to bare your fangs at them just a bit.