07/07/2010 11:34 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

The Onion: Apple Store's Friend Bar Gives Customers Someone To Talk At For Hours (VIDEO)

Apple products have always attracted a cultish following of fans, many of whom take advantage of their visits to the Apple store to talk shop with the store's employees, who, in turn, find this annoying.

But now, reports the Onion News Network, Apple enthusiasts who "want someone to talk at" about the myriad reasons Safari is "an infinitely better browser than Firefox" can make an appointment at the new Apple Friend Bar. The Friend Bar is staffed by employees who are "specially trained to carry on lengthy conversations about even the most arcane Apple-related topics," thus sparing the rest of us from supremely boring, one-sided conversations.