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11 Mistakes Women Make In Middle Age

Health.com     First Posted: 08/20/10 09:25 AM ET   Updated: 11/17/11 09:02 AM ET


Let's not kid ourselves. Getting older is a drag, and middle age is particularly fraught with tension.

Do the sexy clothes you wore in the past now seem just plain wrong? Will smoky eye makeup that looks great on 19-year-olds make you appear just plain crazy?

Part of the problem is that aging often requires change, but most women don't want to move to a frumpy town called Middle Age, where sensible shoes and boring clothes are de rigueur.

Here are the 11 most common mistakes aging women make--and how to avoid them.


Not realizing you need to change
The biggest mistake women make is not doing anything at all. Hair, makeup, and clothing that made you look fantastic in your younger years, often won't cut it as you grow older. 

If you want to age gracefully, you'll need to make some changes.

"Many women keep doing the same things they've been doing for decades, which very often no longer works and may not be as flattering for a woman over 50," says Barbara Grufferman, author of The Best of Everything After 50: The Experts' Guide to Style, Sex, Health, Money, and More. 

"They often don't even realize they are making mistakes, so it's all about finding what those mistakes are before they can happen."


Not spending enough on your clothes
Remember the good old days, when you could snag a bikini off the sale rack and look like hot stuff on the beach? Unfortunately, those days are gone. (Unless you're Madonna, Helen Mirren, or happen to look like them.)

The rest of us need to invest in clothing that's a bit more, well, constructed. Think Lycra panels, butt-boosting jeans, and Spanx. 

It's a challenge to find flattering clothes at any age, but it's even harder in middle age. You'll probably need to fork over more dough for body-squeezing swimsuits and well-fitted business clothes that do the trick.

Comparing yourself to you in your 20s
Have your kids ever asked, "Who's that pretty lady in your photo album?" You're not alone. 

Few people look as attractive in middle age as they did in their younger years. So take a walk down memory lane if you must, but don't get depressed if you run into your younger self. 

The goal is to look as good as you can--and be as healthy as you can--not recreate the body and face you had decades ago.


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Skipping exercise
Tempted to stop working out as you get older? (Or use it as another excuse not to start?) Sorry, that won't cut it. 

You'll have to exercise despite the aches and pains of middle age--the bum knee, tricky back, or it-just-makes-me-feel-like-hell feeling. 

Exercising can actually relieve pain, and stave off health problems in coming years, such as creeping weight gain, diabetes, heart disease, or dementia. 

If you can manage a marathon, great. If not, now is the time to check out the gym pool, start taking yoga, or fall in love with power walking.


Not getting enough sleep
Gone are the days when you could stay up all night and still make it to work with a glowing complexion and a spring in your step.

The fact is, you may have heard a "you look tired" comment even after a good night's sleep. (It's OK to grit your teeth on that one.) 

While it may be tempting to shortchange sleep, particularly if you're juggling parent- and child-care duties, this may be one more thing you need to change. 

Fewer hours of sleep are more likely to show up on your face, true. But it's also linked to a greater risk of diabetes and other health problems, which become even more important as you age.


Ignoring your teeth
You may be focusing on your wrinkles or thinning hair, but don't forget to smile at yourself in the mirror. 

One thing that can make you appear older is yellowing teeth, but it is about more than just looks. Dental health is closely linked with overall health, and gum disease--which gets more common as you age--has been associated with a higher risk of heart problems.

So don't skip those visits to the dentist.

Overdoing anti-aging efforts
This is a common mistake made by celebrities and real women alike. 

No one likes crow's-feet or laugh lines, but a frozen Botox face or scary lip plumping isn't a great look either.

The right skin products (such as those containing retinol) can help diminish fine lines and wrinkles. If you're not happy with the result, then explore other alternatives--but don't aim to look like a teen again.

"No wrinkles can be unrealistic and unnatural," says Grufferman.


Thinking there are hair "rules"
Do you have to cut your tresses short or above the shoulders once you're 50? No, because there aren't really any hair "rules" for middle-aged women, says Grufferman. "It depends on a woman's height, shape, lifestyle, and the condition of her hair." 

The fact is that your hair will probably get more gray and thin as you age, and the texture may get coarser as well.

Choose a cut and color that's flattering, keeping in mind that it probably won't be the cut and color that worked for you in your 20s and 30s.


Using the wrong makeup
The makeup colors and brands you've been wearing for years probably don't reflect what's best for your skin anymore. 

And resist the urge to slather on heavy-duty powders and concealers to cover up wrinkles and under-eye circles as caked-on or dark makeup can make you seem even older. For a more natural look, Grufferman suggests using a magnifying mirror and having a "lighter touch" when applying. Keep your cosmetic bag current--replace foundations, powders, and concealers every 6 months to a year, and steer clear of dated makeup styles too.


Wearing the wrong bra
It's inevitable--gravity has an impact on our bodies. But while you might be saggy where you were once perky, that doesn't mean you have to stay that way. 

"Many women continue to wear the same size and brand they've always worn, without considering that our bodies change as we age," says Grufferman. 

The right underwear can help lift and slim your body, so re-evaluate your undergarments and invest in some new pieces. Most large department stores and lingerie shops offer free bra-fitting services.


Settling for a boring sex life
Our culture tends to sell the message that young equals sexy, but you don't have to buy into it. 

You should have the confidence and freedom to dress and feel as sexy as you want to, and explore your sexual needs as well.

"Women over 50 can have the best sex of their lives," Grufferman says. "For many women, it's the first time they are having sex for fun and enjoyment, not for a result (children)."

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Let's not kid ourselves. Getting older is a drag, and middle age is particularly fraught with tension.

Do the sexy clothes you wore in the past now seem just plain wrong? Will smoky eye makeup t...
Let's not kid ourselves. Getting older is a drag, and middle age is particularly fraught with tension.

Do the sexy clothes you wore in the past now seem just plain wrong? Will smoky eye makeup t...
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11:10 AM on 10/16/2010
Best advice i ever got: "GET OUT OF THE JUNIORS DEPARTMENT." I was probably 35. But I'm not ready for Chico's -- I swear! But, the jackets are pretty nice... OMG. I'm here, aren't I?
http://returntoworkmom.blogspot.com/
02:11 PM on 08/26/2010
First-time poster here...hello! I had to jump in after the negative reactions to this piece. The writer has good intentions, and much of this advice would be welcomed by women interested in updating or bettering her physical image. A change of title would probably help: 11 Beauty Mistakes Women Make in Middle Age. Physical appearance IS one aspect of our humanity, and it can be a signal to others that we take care of ourselves, inside and out, that we have enough respect for others that we try to look our best. Those who would argue that all of this is crap could avoid the article like the plague and not insult this writer who has some legitimate contributions to make here!
02:25 PM on 08/25/2010
My middle aged women friends and I would instead say it is a mistake to continue to be overfocused on your looks, vanity and the superficial like you might have been in your earlier life. It's time to be comfortable in your own skin, care less about others and society thinks and live fully, from the inside out. It is a mistake to not find and experience inner freedom, and focusing too much on lookin good (what society tells us "good" means) sure gets in the way of that..Think about what it means to you to live in "full bloom" and do it!
Laura http://lauracarroll.com
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Lynda Filler
Telling it the way I see it.
09:35 PM on 08/24/2010
I left my comment before reading others... I still think it's a good article even if many feel it's superficial. Why should we spend our younger years wanting to be or working at being attractive and then forget about it in the older years? I think there are some good tips here for the mature woman...I especially like the advice on lingerie and being sexy... Come on girls, lighten up...life is not all about finances.
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Lynda Filler
Telling it the way I see it.
09:31 PM on 08/24/2010
Love it. Great advice.
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MizFlagPin
Standing for Truth, Justice, & the American Way
01:55 AM on 08/23/2010
This is a good article for any of us who are still engaged in the workforce or social activities. Your help to make us more approachable and to be taken more seriously in the workplace. Our outer appearance is a reflection of our inner self. It's not about being pretty or ugly. Those are none issues. It's about being relative and staying engaged with life.

You're on point. Unfortunately, too many of us arrive at middle-age and just stop taking care of ourselves. And then cop an attitude with others for providing maintenance suggestions. Keep providing those tips. Some of us are listening.
03:55 PM on 08/23/2010
Well whenever I suggest that you should go for quality not quantity of life, that having an interest in fashion and your appearance is good I get run out of town and told I am shallow. I think middle aged woman like excuses to let themselves go and resent women who don't, since the only reason we are doing it is obviously to "steal" somebody elses man. I'm sort of lucky in that I don't have any girlfriends to "bring me down".
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WoodsideCraig
Author of the blog "The Weiler Psi"
06:39 PM on 08/22/2010
I thought I might find something in here useful to my wife but she's not into make up or trying to look 20 or even worrying about her age. Perhaps this is helpful to someone else.
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MexiChick67
Que? Que? Queee?
05:34 PM on 08/23/2010
It's not about the make up and stuff, but about healthy habits. Does your wife sleep enough? Get plenty of exercise?
07:10 AM on 08/24/2010
She could be depressed. I hit middle age with the typical weight gain (up 3 sizes), tired all the time, felt my life was over. It's not about looking 20. It's about a joie de vivre. A lot of middle aged women lose it. I actually read Mirielle Guiliano's books lilke "french women for all seasons". It was about the way these European women still felt like they were "women" and the men appreciated them still that affected me. I actually got a pedometer and started walking 10-15K a day which is from 5 to 7 miles. I ended up throwing away my old frumpy clothes and buying new stuff. I also had no interest in fashion before but now I quite like it. I pretend I'm living in Europe and buy feminine looking skirts and such for the summer. I lost 3 dress sizes and feel a lot better and have a much nicer figure then I did at 25. I now do weight and strength training to keep my bones strong. I take bioidentical hormones which a lot of women on these forums dump on me for, but I don't care. I find other women are often the problem, they bring each other down through disapproval. My personal suggestion to you is to show your wife some affection and attention like you did when you were young. I lost that in my marriage and never got it back again because my husband is a "grumpy old man".
03:48 PM on 08/22/2010
This article may not be a "deep" or life-changing but it's simple things like these that we take for granted - it was refreshing reading it. Don't hate, people.
08:00 AM on 08/22/2010
I too hoped for some real information, career, parenting, self worth, self care, finance...all the possibilities beyond looks. Looks could have been one point: continue to care for your health and your appearance, it's worth it. Yes, lame and insulting article.
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playsindirt
So much dirt, so little time.
05:27 PM on 08/23/2010
My thought exactly. When I clicked on the link I didn't realize it was essentially beauty and fashion tips. Wow. Totally expected something more substantive.
12:16 AM on 08/22/2010
I can sort of get on board with all the folks tearing this article a new one, but at the same time, if you don't think 'looks are important' or that it's some kind of 'modern culture' issue for women to be so focused on it, you're wrong.

Beauty is a commodity and women have been valued for their beauty from the beginning of time, whether you like that or not. To wholesale disregard that is to be incredibly naive. Go about your days not caring for your hygiene and appearance and let me know how that works for you. Many of you that blasted this article are going to wash your face with 'cleanser' and put on a 'nighttime moisturizer' as well as get your toes painted, wear jewelry and make sure your bras fit so get over it.
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Patricia Poteau Mellen
11:30 PM on 08/21/2010
Wear spanx? So we're supposed to suck it in and squeeze ourselves into giant rubber bands? Sounds great! Why not just go back to the good old days of bound feet and corsettes?
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Tennys Daughter
A fool and his money shall soon perish
01:26 PM on 08/25/2010
If a woman suffered from low self esteem; after reading this article she may very well hang herself. This article states that middle age women should be put out to pasture.

We should be running to our phones, making an appointment with the nearest cosmetic surgeon to have our bodies "Sucked, Tucked and Lifted Up"
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Beth Boyle
11:03 PM on 08/21/2010
This is really lame.
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nikanj
free the fnords
01:59 PM on 08/23/2010
Totally.
"No one likes crow's feet or wrinkles"?
I love weathered looking faces, including my own.
So much more human than plasticized, made up middle aged masks.
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10:42 PM on 08/21/2010
Extremely sexist, and itt reads like an article in Redbook or Ladies Home Journal...I expected more depth in this article...shame, shame HufPo.
06:12 PM on 08/21/2010
This is so bogus, this person is a complete and total Huckster......just out to make a buck.
no thinking involved, only necessity is a mirror......
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BillyClub
05:58 PM on 08/21/2010
Mistake No. 12! Dating "Meltdown Mel" Gibson!