HUFFPOST HILL - AUGUST 24TH, 2010

Happy National Waffle Day, America! Today marks the date in 1869 when Cornelius Swarthout had his patent for the waffle iron OKed. Observation of Cornelius' landmark achievement was, regretfully, one of the least inane things to transpire today: Ken Buck took heat for getting a little too old school about the Constitution, our government agencies can't seem to alienate minorities quickly enough, another Republican questioned President Obama's religion and David Paterson can't wait to join the Pen 15 club. Have your syrup at the ready, ladies and germs, this is HUFFPOST HILL for Tuesday, August 24th, 2010:

Simpson Calls Social Security "A Milk Cow With 310 Million Tits" - Alan Simpson may accidentally save Social Security from cuts by making such an ass of himself during the deficit commission debate that he undermines whatever entitlement-gutting recommendations it comes up with. He already went a good distance in that direction with an unhinged and error-riddled rant into a video camera earlier this year. Now he's stirring up more trouble by firing off an exclamation-point-laden email to a HuffPost blogger. The piece that got him riled up was posted in April by Ashley Carson, executive director of OWL, a major group representing middle-aged and elderly women. Carson had called on Simpson to stop referring to his opponents as "pink panthers." He ends his rant: "We've reached a point now where it's like a milk cow with 310 million tits! Call when you get honest work!" Simpson, naturally, has a vcn.com email address.

OWL is now calling on him to resign. http://bit.ly/9N4spS But that would be such a loss. Don't go, Al!

His last rant, this one delivered in person: http://bit.ly/9bosx2

The offending blog post: http://huff.to/9r0EQw

BOEHNER CALLS FOR RESIGNATION OF OBAMA'S ECONOMIC TEAM - Perhaps in an effort to change the meaning of '99ers' to reference a tax bracket percentile, John Boehner -- the House Republican leader and best mix of brown and orange to come out of Ohio since the Cleveland Browns -- called for the sacking of the president's moneypersons in a speech in Cleveland today. "Never before has the need for a fresh start in Washington been more pressing," Boehner told the City Club of Cleveland. He added that "The prospect of higher taxes, stricter rules and more regulations has employers sitting on their hands." The speech, meant to outline Boehner's economic strategy if he is elected Speaker this November, drew a number of pointed retorts -- and pretorts -- from Democrats. http://huff.to/9ejqrQ

Boehner also insisted that Democrats took a "victory lap" after extending unemployment insurance, a claim WAM Chairman Sandy Levin labeled "reprehensible" during an interview with reporters. Citing Ohio's sky high unemployment. DCCC chieftan Chris Van Hollen, meanwhile, said that Boehner's call for Tim Geithner and Larry Summers' resignation could talk down the economy. "It will create more uncertainty in the economy," he said. Levin added that it is "likely" the Senate will move first on the expiring Bush tax cuts, but discussions were still going on between House and Senate leaders and a final decision awaited an analysis from the Joint Committee on Taxation.

@WhiteHouse: Fact checking Rep. Boehner's bogus attacks on the economy. 37 consecutive tweets coming. Just kidding: http://bit.ly/9MNgT7

Headline Gods smile on the Dems. Reuters' wire ran the following story a few hours after Boehner's speech: "Stimulus raised GDP by up to 4.5 percent in 2Q 2010: CBO"

PRIMARIES TODAY - Polling guru Mark Blumenthal provided HuffPost Hill with his take on J.D. Hayworth's quixotic (or the Kubler-Ross model's first stage of grief-tic) mission to unseat John McCain: "If nothing else, I have to give arch-conservative former Congressman J.D. Hayworth credit for doggedly insisting that he is 'poised to pull one of the greatest upsets in political history' in today's Arizona Senate primary, despite a recent, automated Rasmussen poll showing him trailing Sen. John McCain by twenty points (54% to 34%). This morning, Hayworth even offered NBC's Chuck Todd a theory as to the 'limitation of public opinion polls. They cannot accurately gauge the turnout.' Hayworth went on to speculate that 'conservatives are motivated to go cast a vote for me,' while a non-competitive Republican gubernatorial primary 'devoid of suspense' will 'suppress the moderate turnout.' Perhaps. But whatever the outcome tonight, Hayworth is right that pollsters often have a hard time identifying true likely voters in low turnout primary elections. And Rasmussen's five-week-old survey is the only public poll we have seen since July (although Hayworth trailed on all seven public polls we plotted on our chart this year). So maybe we should hold the Iraqi Information Minister jokes until all the votes are counted." Slim chance, Mark. http://huff.to/bjPp2F

Elyse Siegel provides a summary of today's contest via HuffPost's favorite information delivery mechanism, a slideshow: "In Florida, candidates have funneled a staggering $100 million into races taking place today, setting a new record for the most expensive primary campaign in state election history. In Arizona, the issue of illegal immigration has dominated the political discourse and has seeped into a host of races across the country. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin's shadow looms over the Republican primary showdowns unfolding in Alaska. In Vermont, one of five gubernatorial candidates is poised to secure the state's Democratic nomination and advance to compete in gubernatorial general election considered to be a toss-up. And there's more political action taking place in Oklahoma too, including two congressional runoffs." http://huff.to/cQNdtQ

A great rundown of outside group campaign spending from WaPo: http://bit.ly/c5rWZj

LATE-BREAKING: "The top U.S. Marine general made a sharp departure from the White House's talking points on Afghanistan, saying President Barack Obama's promised July 2011 deadline to start withdrawing troops from the country had given 'sustenance' to the Taliban. 'We know the president was talking to several audiences at the same time when he made his comments on July 2011,' Gen. James Conway told reporters on Tuesday. 'In some ways, we think right now it's probably giving our enemy sustenance....In fact, we've intercepted communications that say, "Hey, you know, we only have to hold out for so long."'" http://bit.ly/bApKg5

DAILY DELANEY DOWNER - From Arthur Delaney: "Bruce Shore, the unemployed Philadelphia man indicted for sending 'harassing email' to Sen. Jim Bunning (R-Ky.), intends to plead guilty to the felony charge after pleading not guilty in May. 'I wish to plead guilty to the offense charged, to consent to the disposition of the case in the Eastern District of Pennsylvania in which I reside,' said Shore in an Aug. 12 federal court filing. His case has been transferred from Kentucky to Pennsylvania. Shore sent Bunning's office several emails in February after the senator blocked a bill to reauthorize extended unemployment benefits. 'I was livid. I was just livid,' Shore, 51, told HuffPost in May. 'I'm on unemployment, so it affects me.'" Shore faces up to two years in prison and a $250,000 maximum fine. http://huff.to/9Egfp5

Double downer, all the way: A British woman dumped a cat in the trash. The cat was OK. The woman, clearly, was not. http://huff.to/aqfj8b

Don't be bashful: Send tips/stories/photos/events/fundraisers/job movement/juicy miscellanea to [e-mail]. Follow us on Twitter - @HuffPostHill

SHOCK: NUHW-SEIU battle getting dirty - The largest private sector union election since the 1940s, being fought between NUHW and SEUI-UHW, is more than a month away, but the battle for Kaiser's 45,000 health care workers is heating up. SEIU is accusing NUHW of being close to bankruptcy, waving an request NUHW filed to stay a million-dollar-plus judgment while the verdict is appealed. SEIU points to NUHW saying the judgment would be an "undue financial burden" as evidence of financial distress. NUHW says that such a filing is routine and requires the appellant to demonstrate that the judgement would be a burden in order to get it stayed.

Dick Durbin's stomach tumor isn't cancerous! Hooray! http://bit.ly/9PDro4

ANOTHER RNC OFFICIAL CASTS DOUBTS ON OBAMA'S RELIGION - It would seem that the GOP establishment is no longer simply giving lip service to its right flanks but has upgraded to full on mouth-to-mouth. Hope its chapstick is fluoride-free: Ben Smith notes that the RNC's new-media director Todd Herman last week tweet asked (twasked) "Is @BarackObama amongst the 20% who think he's Muslim?" http://politi.co/cuH7Wx

RNC spokesman Doug Heye to Sam Stein: ""An errant, or sarcastically-intended tweet aside, the RNC has never spoken about the President's Christianity because it is both crystal clear and a non-issue. What is an issue, and remains foremost in the minds of voters is the failed efforts of Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid to grow jobs. Today, it was announced that existing home sales plunged by 27%; discussing this issue will serve the voters far better than any nonsense that won't employ a single American." http://huff.to/9xEK0M

HuffPost Hiring - We received a wide variety of applications for the two positions we posted -- one to be our politics editor and the other our politics copy editor. A free annual subscription to HuffPost Hill for the reader who can match this career description with the unlikely (and not exactly serious) applicant: "I think I can revolutionize your coverage. Two to five years of experience as a reporter (depending on how you count my time at the Durham (NC) Herald-Sun), seven years working in politics, and two degress in journalism. References available upon request" Thankfully, the applicant with the two degress in journalism was applying for Politics Editor, rather than Copy Editor, but still.

To recap: We're hiring a Politics Editor and a Copy Editor, both to be based in our DC office. Send resumes to Nico Pitney, [e-mail]

MICHALE STEELE DISTANCING RNC FROM ARIZ. IMMIGRATION LAW - The RNC chairman, who Sam Stein reported yesterday is already having a fence of sorts constructed around his politically radioactive self by party operatives, told Univision "The actions of one state's governor is not a reflection of an entire country, nor is it a reflection of an entire political party. The governor and the people of Arizona made a decision that they thought was in their best interest, and that's the beauty of a republic, that's who we are." HuffPost's newest word machine Amanda Terkel (welcome!) reports: http://huff.to/c6nntb

A new coalition -- Ready4TakeOff.org -- of Alabama, Florida, Louisiana and Mississippi business groups is calling for help reviving the Gulf economy. One fun suggestion: Have the military buy Gulf seafood. What? Never mixed mucky water with shrimp concentrate in an MRE? Shake that sucker up and squeeze in some cocktail sauce. A delightful treat. They have other ideas, too, like, they want that tanker contract: http://bit.ly/d2SF9n

FORMER WHCA CHIEF ASSAILS FOX'S FRONT ROW SEAT IN W.H. BRIEFING ROOM - It turns out a lot of people aren't too keen on this Fox News thing. Mediaite: "According to an exclusive Media Matters report, former White House Correspondents Association President Ed Chen is speaking out over the WHCA's decision to move Fox News to the front row of the Brady Briefing Room, calling it "a travesty." Chen's comments come on the heels of Media Matters' call to have the seat rescinded in light of News Corp.'s $1 million donation to the Republican Governors Association." "You had Helen go out on this conflict over politics and a question of fairness," Chen said. "You fill the seat with someone who drags in all of this controversy." http://bit.ly/9J2R0v

DSCC SLAMS KEN BUCK FOR 17TH AMENDMENT POSITION - Republican Colorado Senate candidate Ken Buck is under fire from the Democrats' top Senate campaign organization for supporting for the repeal of the 17th Amendment (yes, the one that lets us elect senators). Sam Stein filed an excellent report on the matter, though we're upset he didn't detail Buck's position on that hot new 'jass' music and whether or not he is imploring his constituents to never forget the Lusitania. "In a television advertisement released on Tuesday, the committee plays up remarks Buck made back in June 2009...'I don't know that we get [repeal] tomorrow,' Buck told the Pikes Peak Economics Club in a speech that was unearthed earlier this month by the Huffington Post, "but I think we get there in the very near future when people understand just what a horrendous effect the 17th amendment has been on the federal government's spending."

Marco Rubio has opened up a healthy lead on Charlie Crist in the Florida Senate contest with PPP finding Rubio leading Crist 40% to 32%. Kendrick Meek, who appears increasingly likely to be the Democratic nominee, comes in third at 17%. Though Meek's numbers are somewhat lackluster, they are still better than his primary opponent and famed nautical regurgitation aficionado Jeff Greene, who --- though no doubt familiar with the complexities of threeways -- only garners 13% of the vote. http://bit.ly/ckWGYE

We're usually wary when it comes to funny Republicans -- a concept that, when put into practice, often produces mind-bogglingly offensive results like New York Post editorial cartoons, Drew Carey and other tragic things. However this spoof of those Old Spice "look at me" commercials for Senate candidate Roy Blunt, aimed at recruiting interns for the Missouri representative's campaign, is hilarious. Expect trickle-down laughs, compassionately conservative guffaws and shock-and-awe chortles. http://bit.ly/aaSSMi

BECAUSE YOU'VE READ THIS FAR - Here's the 2010 Danish championship in rabbit jumping (floppy ear tip: Louisa): http://bit.ly/dkKHky

SHIRLEY SHERROD TURNS DOWN USDA JOB - Shocking news today as an upstart civil rights icon torn between a life of book deals, media appearances and notoriety, and one of grazing fees, soybean futures and Flex Fridays, chose the former. To be fair, the gig turned down by Sherrod, who was fired last month despite her Forest Gump-y life in which managed to embody just about all of our nation's triumphs and tragedies, was as a liaison between the department and minority communities. Sherrod, kind of a 2010 Sully Sullenberger, told reporters that she could not accept the job in the Office of Advocacy and Outreach after "all that has happened." Trying to soften the blow, she added that she TOTALLY wants to stay friends with the department. "I look forward to some type of relationship with the department in the future," she said. "We do need to work on the issues of discrimination and race in this country." Rock on Shirley. http://huff.to/95GaWw

Elsewhere in America's cataract-ridden excuse for a colorblind society (perhaps you could say our societal lenses our transitioning), the Justice Department is recruiting Ebonics experts. Just to repeat that, the Justice Department is recruiting Ebonics experts. Smoking Gun: "The Department of Justice is seeking to hire linguists fluent in Ebonics to help monitor, translate, and transcribe the secretly recorded conversations of subjects of narcotics investigations, according to federal records. A maximum of nine Ebonics experts will work with the Drug Enforcement Administration's Atlanta field division, where the linguists, after obtaining a 'DEA Sensitive' security clearance, will help investigators decipher the results of 'telephonic monitoring of court ordered nonconsensual intercepts, consensual listening devices, and other media.'" http://bit.ly/aYjrXT

EXCLUSIVE footage from a DOJ Ebonics training video: http://bit.ly/aZzLn7

TODAY IN ISLAMOPHOBIA: DOMESTIC SPYING AND THE GOP'S NEW ANTI-CALIPHATE PLATFORM - As Shirley Sherrod and those FBI Ebonics gurus no doubt know, fixing a nation's attitude towards racism is a long, strenuous undertaking -- like altering the course of a really racist tanker. So let's now shift our bearings to America's persistent tension with its Muslim citizens. Lucia Graves: "Watchdog groups filed suit against the Federal Bureau of Investigation Tuesday for failure to disclose details of a domestic surveillance program that uses digital mapping and other techniques to gather information about targeted ethnic populations, particularly Muslim communities." http://huff.to/9QyYAo

It's a good thing we're spying on all those Muslims, because Illinois Rep. Peter Roskam sees the proposed Downtown Manhattan mosque as "a conquering sort of act." Roskam, sounding more like the prince of Antioch than a dude from Hinsdale, Illinois, made the claim to WIND radio yesterday: "No, it should not be built. This is a very, very provocative thing that the proponents of this mosque are doing. And it's not meant in a spirit of reconciliation. It's meant in a spirit of provocation. ... I don't think anyone can say, really, that it's just meant as an innocent house of worship without the symbolism of almost a conquering sort of act." Progress Illinois: http://bit.ly/bDOJMZ

Foreign Policy: "State Department compares Park 51 Imam to Shirley Sherrod" http://bit.ly/cIfVov

DAVID PATERSON AND HIS GLORIOUS GENITALIC GAFFE - The White House today released its list of states being awarded additional education funding in the second round of its "Race to the Top" initiative. Hailing the Empire State's inclusion on that list, New York Governor David Paterson accidentally referred to the program as the "Race to the...rooster." The governor, of course, used a different term for a male gallus gallus domesticus, one that would catch us in the spam filter, so we'll let your imagination run wild. We didn't realize the administration was culling its titles from Tuesday night events at Town and Apex but -- hey -- gotta keep that base happy. Priceless video, via Politico: http://politi.co/d2eMKI

Kos has a book coming out: "American Taliban: How War, Sex, Sin, and Power Bind Jihadists and the Radical Right": From a release: "Founder of Daily Kos, the largest online political community, [Markos] Moulitsas argues that our domestic jihadists are a greater threat to American democracy than any Islamic terrorists. He challenges the media, fellow progressives, and our elected officials to call the radical right on their jihadist tactics more forcefully for the good of our nation and safety of all citizens." http://amzn.to/duO6ng

JEREMY THE INTERN'S WEATHER REPORT - Tonight: It will stay overcast, with a good chance of light showers throughout the night. A low pressure system right over DC will keep the rain away in the city, but the suburbs will see rain, just outside of the beltway area. If you're in the coastal areas, especially in Maryland, there's a coastal flood advisory. That's less than a watch; basically it means that it's possible. Tomorrow: The temperature rises to the low-80s, but will remain cloudy with a chance of late afternoon thunderstorms. Thanks, JB!

COMFORT FOOD

- Hungry like the wolf. Memory of an elephant. Catlike reflexes. Hungover...like an owl? http://bit.ly/9juuTA

- Color photographs of Russia 100 years ago. http://bit.ly/9lLNLe

- The 30 greatest onstage falls. http://bit.ly/d1v2qX

- Happy birthday Windows 95, you piece of crap. http://gizmo.do/dgBehM

- If this doesn't become the lead image on the Huffington Post one day, we don't know what will. http://bit.ly/d4hzBu

- We hope there's a '100 greatest something' countdown on the radio: A Chinese traffic jam has entered its 10th day. http://bit.ly/8YsLyn

- Somebody alert Weatherman JB: Five videos from inside a tornado. http://bit.ly/bTX8pw

- We don't know who Kathy is but this is absolutely not the way to show your affection for her. SFW...but probably not suitable for your soul. http://bit.ly/av57W0

TWITTERAMA

@delrayser: Boehner calls on Obama to fire his economic team. Um, dude... pretty sure firing people INCREASES unemployment.

@KagroX: Fair and balanced, Allah be praised.

@pourmecoffee: GOP talking heads all sound like Kevin Nealon's SNL Subliminal Man. "I take Obama [Muslim] at his word [Islam] ..."

@MajoratWH: Happy Birthday also to @karoli and her 21-year-old....same birthdays, more cool than the name Major.

@AndrewWK: PARTY TIP: Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them and keep on partying.

THE TUBE

TONIGHT: Chris Matthews talks THE MOSQUE with once-and-future candidate Rick Lazio. NAACP's Hilary Shelton discusses the Tea Party's idea of D.C. and Tim Kaine weighs in on the primaries on the Ed Show. The New Yorker's Jane Mayer discusses the Tea Party and the billionaires who love it with Rachel Maddow. TOMORROW: Spike Lee is on Morning Joe .

ON TAP

TONIGHT

7:00 pm: The Scissor Sisters perform their lively, look-at-me brand of power pop at DAR Hall. Take your dad, your best friend, your girlfriend, your favorite coworker, and your other dad [DAR Constitution Hall, 1776 D Street NW].

7:00 pm: For those of you feeling like something a bit more mellow, 80s behemoths Tears for Fears perform at 9:30 Club [9:30 Club, 815 V Street NW].

TOMORROW

7:00 pm: Reggae meets rap meets rock meets techno and about 25 other things: Matisyahu performs at 9:30 Club [9:30 Club, 815 V Street Northwest].

8:00 pm - 9:00 pm: Hey hipsters, put on your formal purple "17th Annual St. Joseph High Cook Off" sweatshirts and head to Black Cat for their free whiskey tasting [Black Cat, 1811 14th St NW] .

Batter up...

11:00 am - 4:30 pm: Show some pity for a stuggling frnachise and join James Langevin at Fenway Park as the third place (awwwww) Boston Red Sox square off against the Mariners. He'll be asking for donations. [Fenway Park, 4 Yawkey Way, Boston].

7:05 pm: Forget the Red Sox and catch the vastly superior AAA Iron Pigs battle the Chiefs. Charles Dent (R-Pa.) will be there, also filling his campaign war chest [Coca-Cola Park, 555 Union Blvd., Allentown, PA].

Got something to add? Send tips/quotes/stories/photos/events/fundraisers/job movement/juicy miscellanea to Eliot Nelson ([e-mail]), Ryan Grim ([e-mail]) or Nico Pitney ([e-mail]). Follow us on Twitter @HuffPostHill (twitter.com/HuffPostHill). Sign up here: http://huff.to/an2k2e