Stephen Colbert returned to "The Report" last night after a brief vacation and didn't waste any time before jumping into Glenn Beck's August 28 "Restoring Honor" rally. For starters, just how many people attended? A scientific estimate said 87,000, but conservative pundits have thrown around numbers ranging from "several hundred thousand" to "a million," probably because, as Colbert pointed out, "I don't think people at that rally are interested in science."
So how did the number of people mysteriously multiply at Beck's rally? According to Beck, God had an influence, as exemplified by a flock of geese that flew over the mall the minute the rally started. "What are the odds of a flock geese taking flight at the exact moment tens of thousands of people start clapping their hands?" Colbert asked.
But enough about exaggerated numbers and geese. Colbert then got down to brass tacks and addressed the recent online petition to have him host a "Truthiness Rally" to counteract Beck's at the Lincoln Memorial.
"Look nation, I get it," Colbert said. "But you're petitioning the wrong person. Glenn proved only God decides rallies." So, to get a Godly opinion on whether or not he should go through with it, Colbert consulted his own prophetic goose, "Geese Witherspoon."
Whether or not Colbert will hold the rally is still up in the air, but he did announce that he will be making an announcement at some later date, due to Stewart making similarly vague remarks previously on his show. What will both fake pundits announce and when? Perhaps a collaborative plan for a "Truthiness Rally?" For now we can only wonder.