National Coming Out Day 2010: Share YOUR Stories!

Today is best known as Columbus Day, but it's also National Coming Out Day 2010.

Observed on college campuses and in communities around the country, National Coming Out Day is aimed at celebrating coming out as a lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender person. The Human Rights Campaign describes coming out as "the process in which a person first acknowledges, accepts and appreciates his or her sexual orientation or gender identity and begins to share that with others."

The civil awareness day was established in 1988 by Jean O'Leary, a lesbian activist and former nun, and psychologist Robert Eichberg, Ph.D., author of "Coming Out: An Act of Love" (1990). Today, many LGBT groups use the day as an occasion to organize festive events intended to give closeted LGBT individuals the opportunity to come together and come out, and to give heterosexual people the opportunity to voice their support for the LGBT community.

This year, National Coming Out Day takes on particular poignancy in light of a preponderance of anti-gay bullying incidents that have led to the suicides of five teenagers over the course of just three weeks, including Raymond Chase, 19; Tyler Clementi, 19; Billy Lucas, 15; Asher Brown, 13; and Seth Walsh, 13. These deaths highlight the difficulties that many LGBT people face when coming out.

We invite you to use the comments section below to share YOUR coming out story -- or that of a loved one -- for the purpose of "coming out" against hate and celebrating those who fearlessly embrace who they are. Later today, we'll highlight your best stories on HuffPost Living.

[UPDATE: Click here to see a slideshow of 17 of the best coming out stories from HuffPost readers! Thanks to all who shared!]

Comments

[jimpager]

02:41 PM on 10/14/2010

Kennedy was waiting for his second term to make civil rights real while he took on the mafia in his first term. In his re-election, JFK didn't want to lose every state in the South which Democrats subsequently did following LBJ. JFK died for his country before he got to his second term. But the University of Mississippi and the University of Alabama decided JFK should deal with segregation in his first term and JFK's disastrous death was later used to pressure passage of important elements of Civil Rights legislation.

The point here is you CAN'T WAIT for the future. Gay Rights is the Civil Rights issue of our time. To hell with elections. Presdident OBAMA needs to stop "Don't Ask-Don't Tell" right now. The legislative climate will not be easier after the election. What would Martin Luther King do? Wait? If the Gay Community is set back now, will Hispanics be far behind? Indeed, what of the gains for the Black community? If the Secretary of Defense won't honor a court-ordered federal injunction stopping DADT then he should be fired...TODAY. If Nixon can fire three attorney generals to save his ass, then Obama can fire a Secretary of Defense to save an entire segment of our population. What the hell does "...the pursuit of happiness mean" if one can't pursue the life partner of their choice? President Obama should announce that DOD WILL STOP DADT TODAY and announce a DOD Press Conference to discuss implementation.

[studmoose]

12:35 AM on 10/14/2010

The LGBT cause should stake claim to the "Don't Tread On Me" flag.

The same one that the Tea Party is trying to lay claim to.

[Coloradem]

01:00 PM on 10/13/2010

I came out to my mom in a friend's car. It was a Honda Civic and I had filled the tank with gas just in case I had to keep driving and not let her out of the car (the car had a range of nearly 500 miles on a full tank, so I was prepared).

When I told her--she was quite for a couple of seconds and I said, "Mom.....", she looked at me and I must have looked nervous, because she immediately said, "Oh, I still love you....there is nothing you could ever say that would change that. It isn't the life I would have chosen for you, because it is going to be a hard life. There may be people who will not accept you, but if they don't, then f*(k them." That was the only time (and still is the only time) I had ever heard her use that word.

That was 25 years ago and my Mom is still my best friend.

[Tails]

10:00 AM on 10/13/2010

I blurted it out during breakfast my Junior year of High School.

Dad said, "Uh-huh."

Mom laughed, gave me a hug and said "We knew."

[elijah24]

11:11 AM on 10/13/2010

Love it. Sounds like you have great parents, if their child comming out is a complete non-event in their lives.

[Tails]

11:31 AM on 10/13/2010

Eh, we're what you call "rich ev!l elitists" You know, highly educated and open minded. All that scary stuff.

Plus my mom is a psychiatrist, so her knowing isn't too shocking.

[ShakeYourComplacency]

08:07 PM on 10/12/2010

Props to Dan Savage, btw, who started a "It gets better" campaign on YouTube, which is geared toward gay kids. The message is, it does get better after high school, so don't hurt yourself, reach out, you are not alone.

[Quislet]

04:09 PM on 10/12/2010

Part 2: I never told my parents that I was gay, but they were not stupid. I also have an older brother who is gay too. He is 14 years older than me. I know when he came out, he and my father became estranged. That is probably the reason I never told my parents. When I told my sister & brothers, they all said the same thing "I knew."

[Acert]

07:28 PM on 10/12/2010

Are you still in contact with your older brother? Did he help support you?

[Quislet]

04:06 PM on 10/12/2010

When I was a teen-ager, I was asexual. No sexual thoughts one way or the other. When I got to college, I started buying mens magazines, to just compare myself to other guys I told myself. Then in one of the magazines there was an inhouse ad for the magazine. It had a naked guy standing next to a couple of trees. The copy read "If you are looking at the trees, buy Field & Stream". Something clicked for me, I realized that I was buying the magazines because I liked looking at naked men and that I was gay. I didn't have any thoughts that there was anything wrong with being gay.

[Matthew Richards]

02:29 PM on 10/12/2010

I'm 19, and I came out as bisexual in February. My story still feels like a soap opera.

I realized it last October when I fell in love with my straight best friend who was going into the Marines. He left for boot camp in November without me telling him. He had sex with some girls the month before he left, and one of them one was my other friend. She told me she was in love with him. I told her I felt the same way. We both grew closer due to our shared unrequited love for him.

I spent 3 months in torment, because I felt like I couldn't come out to anyone else until he came home and I had a chance to tell him first. I wrote him letters every day all winter, and went insane. When he came home from boot camp, I told him I was in love with him. He told me he already knew, and that it didn't change anything.

Everyone has been supportive since I came out. My Mom and I are good friends, and we watch Glee and Ugly Betty and American Idol together all the time, so it wasn't any surprise. She asked me daily if I was gay throughout high school, and said it wouldn't change anything if I was, and I'd always say no because I technically wasn't. I came out to her in June, and it was more awkward than relieving because she already knew.

[AussieEconomist]

02:57 PM on 10/12/2010

Good to know that your mum and your best friend were cool with it. As long as the people you love the most are on your side you've got nothing to fear!

[Euterpe360]

12:51 PM on 10/12/2010

Made a public Facebook note yesterday coming out to practically everyone at once. Never realized how many good friends I have, even after essentially lying to them for years and years :)

[AussieEconomist]

01:20 PM on 10/12/2010

It's nice to be reminded of the fundamental decency of people (and despite all the nastiness in the world, I still think people are basically good, as your friends demonstrate). Good for you, and your friends. I hope your life is enriched by living openly as who you are.

[Euterpe360]

01:52 PM on 10/12/2010

Me too. Thanks!

[Contact1972]

05:56 PM on 10/12/2010

WOW! Good for you mate:-)

[Patroclus]

12:26 PM on 10/12/2010

I have a suggestion for HP. This thread should be a permanent feature of HP and it should be advertised. It is a marvelous source for youth, and even older, who are confronting their sexual orientation and who, after reading so many stories, good and bad, cannot help come away with the message that one CAN SURVIVE and even THRIVE. A permanent resource of personal stories such as in this thread can only help those who are engaged in their struggle for self-knowledge and self-acceptance. It would be especially important to youth who are either physically or socially isolated. This thread and HP could save young lives.

[Contact1972]

12:31 PM on 10/12/2010

Great idea.

[AussieEconomist]

01:39 PM on 10/12/2010

The ostracism, violence, and suicides are very distressing indeed. Hate and despair are vile things, and everyone involved suffers, and is dehumanised (oppressors and oppressed alike). I'm not a religious person, but I do believe that love for one's fellow human beings is the basis of a good life. Surely we can all strive for that as an ideal worth achieving.

[Contact1972]

05:57 PM on 10/12/2010

Is vegemite like marmite?

[DocTonyNYC]

11:26 AM on 10/12/2010

I'm a professor at the University of Puerto Rico. Culturally, PR is heavily influenced by the Catholic Church--it is ultra-conservative when it comes to issues of sexuality. When I was hired, I was already "out" professionally because my research has been on sexuality studies, in general, and LGBTQ studies, in particular. Although UPR is a large institution, when I began teaching here in 2001, there were virtually no classes on the campus that explored sexual identities. I proposed numerous courses, and I now teach at least one course every semester on sexuality. These courses are always full, and I always have students who ask to be added beyond the course cap. The courses are popular with LGBT AND straight students. What I hear most often is that they are very grateful for the opportunity--too often students can't find their own lives reflected in the other courses that they take.

I'm proud that I can be a role model for my students. While there are many LGBTQ faculty members on my campus, very few are open with their students and colleagues about their identities. Young people benefit from professors who are out--they learn that being gay is a fundamental aspect of my identity, but it is only a part of who I am. They also see that it is possible to be out and successful. Yesterday, I reflected on the role that I play in the lives of my students.

[conscioushope]

11:41 AM on 10/12/2010

Thanks for your wonderful story.....and for your bright shining light example!

Fanned!

[Patroclus]

11:49 AM on 10/12/2010

Excellent! You follow the pioneer, Lou Crompton, who was one of the first "out" professors in the US and an early academic advocate for gay rights and who taught one of the first gay studies courses in America. His teaching situation and experience with students mirrored yours almost exactly, although it was at least forty years ago. One of the great things teachers do is teach by example and by being themselves. Good on ya! F&F

[AussieEconomist]

02:00 PM on 10/12/2010

You seem like a decent bloke Patroclus, have another fan.

[jerry23]

10:55 AM on 10/12/2010

A big part of this discussion could be divided in stages. When did you come out to yourself? There usually is a fermentation period from that point on. I wandered in Limbo for my teen years, believing it was a stage, a theory at the time. For myself, I knew I was Gay from early childhood, didn't really know what it was, but knew I was different. I would say that officially, I came out in College. The family thing is a can of worms. My mother had heart attacks in college and it was eluded that my not getting a "Haircut", it was the late 60's, was the catalyst. I was warned not to upset my Mother by telling her anything that would disturb her. She would take advantage of this newly discovered device to manipulate and judge, since if I said anything that would upset her she would have another heart attack and die. So knowing that who I am would create turmoil, I learned to play dodge ball. many Gay people hide their sexuality from their parents because they didn't want to hurt them. Not because of shame but I lived in a different universe than they did. I was out in college, never lied or pretended to be anything but what I was. I have had a partner for 38 years and that was never a secret hidden from my family, it was just not talked about.

[conscioushope]

11:36 AM on 10/12/2010

Thanks for sharing your story of confusion that led to grace and courage, Jerry.

Parents of yours (and my) generation seemed to like to "pretend" in the Ozzie and Harriet myth. My Mother was a diabetic and it was made clear that she had to be protected from upsetting news or she might "go into shock". So, I understand the dynamic of which you speak.

But, mainly, thanks for sharing.

Fanned!

[jerry23]

12:35 PM on 10/12/2010

Your are welcomed and a Thanks to you , you understand the dramatics. However, my Mother spent the last 30 years of her life after he first heart attack on her Death Bed, she died at 92. I read about what appears to be Healthy relationships with parents and I can only wonder how different my life would have been if I had that. I never had any real struggles with accepting my Homosexuality. I knew that life is a "MIND Field" but sexuality isn't my entire identity. I chose to live as a Professional Artist and have learn to carry the Outsider Flag High and not to give Power to those who defined me a threat. The nice thing about getting older is that you learn what really matters.
It would be nice if people and parents can get beyond the image of us being damaged and give us their blessings in early adulthood. That probably would have lighten the load that we can carry for being different until we realize that the baggage we have been carrying isn't ours.

Peace

[conscioushope]

11:43 AM on 10/12/2010

Thank you for sharing your story!

I rejoice that you have found someone to share your life!

Fanned!

[Sean Macleish]

10:14 AM on 10/12/2010

I came out in 1996 at the age of 30. I am West-Indian and come from St. Vincent. I always had questions about my sexuality but because I grew up in a homophobic society, it put me in a place of major denial until then. It took the death of my mother to break down all the barriers in my head, as well as a few sessions with a counselor to finally realise that I am gay. The first person I told was my sister who was living with me at the time. After that I use to to be able to keep count about who I came out to, but now everyone knows, all my friends, co-workers, etc. Life is so much better.

[Contact1972]

10:40 AM on 10/12/2010

Awesome!

[conscioushope]

11:45 AM on 10/12/2010

Sean~

So glad that the courage to come out has resulted in your better life! The truth has set you free!

Fanned!

[mpuga1210]

10:12 AM on 10/12/2010

I was 16 and a sophomore in high school and I befriended a guy who my classmates thought he was gay but were not sure. At the time I did not care if this guy was gay or not I just happen to think he was smart in trigonometry, I needed help, so I asked him if I could study with him in school library or in study hall to get the concepts down. We ended up developing a good relationship and he did ask me if other students thought of him as being Gay? I said yea but to me it did not matter since I am not one to make judgments on others and accept people for who they are because we are all human. That was in the Fall Semester now fast forward to April of the Spring term and I was at my friends house on a Saturday to study for a major Trigonometry exam and I remember my pencil fell from my hands and both of us went down to get my pencil. We bumped our heads and then out of no where he kissed me and I kissed him back and the next thing you we were in his bed making love to each other and for it was my first time with a man.

That is when I knew I was gay and scared to tell my family to this day.

[conscioushope]

11:47 AM on 10/12/2010

Thanks for sharing your story.

If and when it is time for you to "come out", you will know it.

Wishing you the best in your life journey.

[AussieEconomist]

10:04 AM on 10/12/2010

Reading the stories here has been enlightening, sometimes sad, and sometimes inspiring. The threads of both human decency and irrational fear have come through, both in stark contrast and sometimes intertwined. Oh for a world where it simply isn't a big deal... and hopefully one day that will come. My thanks to all of you who've had the courage to share their stories, and endure those difficult moments.

Personally, I grew up in an environment where there was never any stigma attached to sexual orientation (both my parents had been active in campaigning for gay rights in their youth, despite their straightness). Same sex couples were not unusual as guests in the house when I was young, and some of them have been like aunts and uncles to me since I was just a sprout (and are, along with other friends of my parents, some of my best friends to this day).

I've never felt the need to pigeon-hole my own orientation as a consequence of my upbringing. I've had girlfriends, and boyfriends, and never felt any need to identify myself as anything in particular or worry about those choices. I suppose I'm lucky to have reaped the fruits of a tolerant upbringing and living in a liberal city. My parents only want me to settle down; They could care less about the configuration of the undercarriage of the person I do so with.

[conscioushope]

11:49 AM on 10/12/2010

Wow!

What a wonderful family you had!
Blessings to all of you!

Fanned and faved!

[AussieEconomist]

01:30 PM on 10/12/2010

I love my family, but the whole issue was just never a big deal. My parents just wanted us all to be happy, healthy, well educated, etc. I've got to be honest and say that I was lucky on all fronts in terms of family.

[Patroclus]

12:03 PM on 10/12/2010

It is my growing suspicion that there is truth to the proposition that, when raised in an environment that is completely oblivious to sexual orientation, humans are bisexual with males being more so inclined than females. This is not new but I no model I know of is based exclusively on known behavior, biochemistry, and biology. However, I think, there can be such an explanation that is quite defensible but, still, much too long for development here. It may be that there is, even then, a more pronounced affectional bias but in terms of sexual behavior there is none (of course, there will always be a normal distribution of behavior, it is be a question of the norm). It is intriguing to learn of people brought up such as you for it provides evidence for the hypothesis.

[BligeTheVOTE]

12:32 PM on 10/12/2010

sexual orientation is a RANGE, not 3 individual seperate groups straight, bisexual, gay/lesbian.

Kinsey used a scale of 1-10 1 being exclusively straight and 10 being exclusively gay/lesbian.
NO ONE is sitting at 1 or 10....we all fall somewhere in between. I'm probably a nine, I tried to be attracted to women,(as was expected of men in my age group (nearly 60yo) but I'm not. I have dear women friends both straight and lesbians, but nothing attracts me sexually to them.

[AussieEconomist]

01:15 PM on 10/12/2010

I think it was Robin Williams who said 'F*k whoever the f*k yo want to f*k'. So long as everyone's happy and safe, I tend to agree. It's nice to replace the 'f*k' with love if possible as well :)