Religious Gays Tell Teens 'It Gets Better'

By Nicole Neroulias
Religion News Service

(RNS) A Muslim college student from Connecticut, an ex-Mormon attorney in the Bay Area and a Catholic writer in upstate New York have joined a chorus of testimonials on YouTube aimed at preventing teen suicides.

Even if your faith and family believe that gay people are an abomination, even if they think you're going to hell, the videos plead, hang in there: It gets better.

Advice columnist Dan Savage launched the "It Gets Better Project" by uploading a video with his husband, Terry Miller, in response to the recent deaths of Tyler Clementi, 18; Billy Lucas, 15; Asher Brown, 13; and Seth Walsh, 13.

In its first month, the YouTube channel has amassed more than 800 videos, viewed more than a million times, submitted by a range of gay, straight, celebrity and anonymous participants.

Openly gay Episcopal Bishop V. Gene Robinson of New Hampshire uploaded his own video, reaching out specifically to Catholic, Mormon and evangelical youths, saying their churches are "flat out wrong" on the question of homosexuality.

"God loves you the way you are and God doesn't want you to change. God doesn't want you to be cured or healed, because there's nothing to be healed from," he says in the video. "You're the way you are, the way God made you and the way God loves you."

In "Gay Catholic Author Says It Gets Better," Gregory Gerard describes how he grew from a suicidal 23-year-old to "a gay guy in my 40s who has a husband and a house and a dog and we had a union ceremony that my whole family came to."

Raised in a Mormon household in Utah, Natalie Sperry, 34, describes her anguish when her mother forced her to move out after discovering diary entries about her high school girlfriend.

Now an attorney in California and resigned from church membership rolls, she hopes her video, "For LGBT Mormon Kids -- It Gets Better," will comfort youths torn between their faith and feelings -- "emotional extortion," she calls it -- and the bullying some struggle to survive.

"The Mormon religion directly and explicitly caused my family and friends to believe that all homosexual behavior was a problem that needed to be fixed, like drug addiction," she explained in an interview.

"I felt that, if what they were saying was true, I would be incapable of experiencing a full and happy life. On the other hand, if what they were saying was false, my entire religious upbringing had been all for naught."

Sometimes, it gets better within months, rather than years. Speaking from his dorm room at New York University, Ibad Shah, 19, a lone Muslim contributor in the project's early weeks, described his ultimate, unexpected relief after coming out to his Pakistani father who had once threatened to "walk out" if any of his children turned out to be gay.

His "It Gets Better -- Muslim gay teen" video, which includes a liberal interpretation of Islamic and Judeo-Christian texts, has gotten mostly positive feedback -- even from some traditional Muslims.

"Religious pressure makes up so much of the doubt and confusion and aggravation for a lot of young gay kids trying to come to terms with their sexualities," Shah said in an interview. "But even though (some Muslims) don't necessarily approve of my lifestyle, it's not their business how I live."

While changing social mores and the Internet make it easier to reach out to gay youths today, Gerard fears the increased awareness may actually prompt more homophobic rhetoric in conservative Christian circles.

"When I was a little kid, being gay wasn't talked about at all -- just that it was wrong and sinful," he explained. "Now there are kids taking same-sex partners to prom and all that, which is good, but the floodlight on this subject brings a backlash ... I hate to say this, but I think it's gotten a little worse."

The "It Gets Better Project" has amassed such a wide range of testimonials from different religious perspectives that it's likely there's at least one video that counters the particular anti-gay messages youths have heard at home or in their houses of worship.

"To have so many people who are spiritual saying positive things about being gay moves me to tears," Gerard said.

Comments

[Gabriel Blau]

12:38 PM on 11/16/2010

If you're interested in a faith based response to LGBTQ Youth in crisis, check out Strength Through Community, a project I'm working on, where the Jewish community is starting to mount a serious response to queer teens in crisis. http://www.StrengthThroughCommunity.org has their videos.

[jerryatthebeach]

07:10 PM on 10/24/2010

I've started praying at age 48 and it helps...

[A-Superstitionist]

08:12 PM on 10/21/2010

Before arguing if god X is for or against homosexuals let's explore the probability that god X exists.

Since no one has ever brought any shred of verifiable and falsifiable evidence forward that any god exists, and since everything we know about the real world is in total contradiction with a god who created the universe and all life in it, defines/forgives/punishes sin, answers prayers and tells us who to have sex with and in what position, we can conclude that it is extremely improbable that any of the tens of thousands of gods that we have invented in our image ever existed or exist.

Now then, arguing for or against homosexuality based on something/someone not supported by any evidence is like arguing that pink unicorns or tooth fairies like or dislike homosexuals.

The Zeitgeist is a never ending quest for equality against the dark forces of superstition. Get used to it. Homosexuality is normal and same sex marriage will be universal at some time. The delay is caused by superstitious bigots.

[Bob Kellerman]

01:36 AM on 10/21/2010

The thrust of the article is that kids can learn "it gets better", even when from religions which condemn them, or instruct them to lie about themselves or be celibate.

WHERE IS THE CHRISTIAN CHARITY of those who joined in today to trumpet their own religions, and to make Gays horribly wrong for not being celebate?
---- I think "internalized homophobia" is at play here -- self hating closet cases

[gappedtoothgodwarrior]

08:30 AM on 10/21/2010

You are 100% correct

[Ioan Lightoller]

10:27 PM on 10/25/2010

Bob, wish I could fan you again! It is beyond hypocrisy for heterosexuals to tell GLBT people that they must remain celibate. Sadly, it will NOT get better until the Christianists and other homohaters get their noses out of politics and our lives!

[Jeffin90019]

03:37 PM on 10/20/2010

For 2,000 years the various christian religions have taught that homosexuality is an abomination (along with shell fish, among other things), but I don't see christian religious fanatics picketing Red Lobster. Gays who belong to christian religions suffer from the Stockholm Syndrome and have fallen in raptuous love with the people who torment and imprison them. All organized religions are cults seeking political domination by spiritual enslavement. And the worst are the Catholics, who use money donated by parishioners to pay court settlements for the systematic rape of children by the dengerate priests that the current pope has spent his life protecting. God save me from organized religion!

[Windfish]

01:19 AM on 10/20/2010

Gay teen. Devout Catholic. I think any advice or suggestions on the part of these people which prioritizes oneself over Christ is tragically in error, and it is this kind of thinking which is the root of so much sectarianism. So no, if you are a sexually active homosexual, Christianity teaches that you are living in sin (there are extraordinary exceptions involving the culpability and ignorance of a person, though). This is a harsh teaching, to be sure, but if you are only going to follow Christ when it is convenient, what does that say about you?

There is a tendency, particularly among the left, to abstract religion to accommodate syncretism. But this cannot be done with Christ who is so much more than just a semitic Buddha. So much more. So my advice to religious gays is this: do not abstract and seek Christ on His own terms, not yours.

Preserve to the end, and it will be worth it:

http://www.youtube.com/user/tumbleweedjoe#p/f/198/ySFKWwCLOVA

[Bob Kellerman]

04:59 AM on 10/20/2010

SORRY, you have bought into a scheme where a man in a dress waves a smoking ball, and the building is pretty.

YOUR LIFE is worth more than clinging to a group that ultimately hates who God has made you in your heart, and clings to Medieval explanations of how you should be.

[Windfish]

12:59 PM on 10/20/2010

You are mistaken. The Christ founded a Church that is one, holy, catholic, and apostolic. The Christ was the Son of God. Am I going to listen to Him or to some dude on HuffingtonPost?

[LintLass]

09:18 AM on 10/20/2010

The anti-gay old line about 'You're supposed to accept our ill treatment and inflict more on yourself, cause we say this denial and self-hate is God,' ...'Harsh teaching?' Why don't *you* try learning something. You're wrong. It's killing your kids and turning others into violent bashers, and your priests and politicians into closet cases: into people who use 'sinners' for their own gratification and then demand they be kept from freedom and equality and their own humanity.

So you can what, have a little self-righteousness?

[Windfish]

01:09 PM on 10/20/2010

This is just emotive blather.

No one said Christianity was going to be easy - in fact, Christ himself warned that wide is the road that leads to damnation and narrow is the road that leads to salvation. He said that no one can follow him until he *denies himself* and carries up his cross *DAILY.* THIS is Christianity, and any message on the part of these people which softens this radical challenge will only make matters worse! So I say to religious gays, DARE and be BOLD to live the message of the Gospel in your lives, and see how radical it is that people like Bob Kellerman and LintLass are aghast. It is against the expectations of secularism, but see how you will be vessel for which the light of Christ will shine through you! Remaining chaste will difficult, no doubt, but this is your cross to bear.

But, then again, you have a choice. You don't have to pick up that cross if you don't want to.

[Mark Morlock]

08:41 PM on 10/19/2010

"God loves you the way you are and God doesn't want you to change. God doesn't want you to be cured or healed, because there's nothing to be healed from," he says in the video. "You're the way you are, the way God made you and the way God loves you." Forget what the rest of the Bible, or the Koran, or what ever book gives voice to the religion you practice. The quote above is true no matter what the color of your skin is, whether you're male or female, or whether you're homosexual or heterosexual.

[garybob]

12:52 AM on 10/20/2010

The Gospel according to Morlock.

[gappedtoothgodwarrior]

08:37 AM on 10/20/2010

It's as good as any other.

[Mark Morlock]

02:35 PM on 10/20/2010

I'm not here to preach. This is the truth as I see it. I don't follow any religion personally, as Scientology really killed it for me. What you choose to accept is up to you of course.

[Margo Arrowsmith]

04:33 PM on 10/19/2010

Someone wrote me this and I can't find it to reply.

"Religion is all or nothing--either you believe it is the word of your god and follow it to the letter (every bit of it) or it's nothing and your semi-adherance is a travesty. Religious books don't have optional sections. Best decide if you are a hypocrite or not. "

That is the thinking of a fundamentalist. There are fundamentalist atheists, and when I meet one, like this person, I am glad that that person is not religious as they most certainly would be Christine O'Donnell or Taliban types.

The ancient Hebrews were not a literal people. They did not believe those stories literally. That does not make them important, it just means that they weren't literally true. The insistence of saying they must all be true or none of it matters is deifying books when the religious do it and when atheists do it, I have to wonder why they care so much.

But I am certainly glad that they are not religious, well, that their ideology is atheist.

[Windfish]

04:49 PM on 10/19/2010

As I indicated below, I agree with your fundamentalist, to an extent. If you are a sexually active homosexual, Christianity teaches that you are living in sin (there are extraordinary exceptions involving the culpability and ignorance of a person, though). This is a harsh teaching, to be sure, but if you are only going to follow Christ when it is convenient, what does that say about you? The moment you begin to pick and choose is when you step outside the pale. It is not honest.

[Margo Arrowsmith]

05:32 PM on 10/19/2010

I am confused. First you say you agree with me 'to an extent' then you make it clear you don't know what I said.

ALL people of all religions cherry pick. There is no sect that has it all right. But the worst among these are the Christian fundamentalists. Jesus never said a word about homosexuality, so there is no reason to assume he was against it. He certainly used compassion to change several Old Testament laws. So the fundamentalists come along and ignore Jesus. Instead they go to Leviticus where they talk about homosexuality. However, they cherry pick because they eat cheeseburgers and don't beat their children to death even though it says that God wanted that.

Christianity does not teach that practicing homosexuality is a sin, some or many sects say that, but those are shrinking and will continue to shrink. As their influence shrinks the fundamentalist (whatever that is supposed to mean, because they certainly cherry pick it) become more shrill.

Now, quit arguing with your allies and start making alliances. Please

[Raphi]

08:35 PM on 10/19/2010

"Christianity teaches?" Which version, where, and when? Whose authority? Christianity was never monolithic. What is referred to as Christianity is simply a short-cut for what is a complex set of ways to approach spirituality.

Ways that help us expand our limited understanding of the infinite. And help us to appreciate the infinite compassion of a deity that would incarnate as human, as Jesus Christ. As St. Athanasius of Alexandria said 1700 years ago, God became human that we may become divine.

The anti-gay material comes from the Levitican codes. Which also insist on the dealth penalty for all sorts of infractions, including cursing parents, adultery, and blasphemy. Mostly by stoning. Are you also advocating that?

The Hebrew word translated into English as abomination, is applied to unclear behavior seemingly about if a man lies with another man ( women omitted.) But the same word is also used regarding the consumption of shellfish and pork.

The New Testament original Greek word translated into English as sin is harmartia. It simply means to miss the mark. Not heavy, not forever, and certainly not a license to condemn others.

Remember the admonition to deal with the timber in your own eye before obsessing with the mote in the eye of another. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. The most difficult, inconvenient part of following Christ is to love those who are different. Including those easy to dismiss as enemies.

[Windfish]

02:54 PM on 10/19/2010

Gay teen. Devout Catholic. I think any advice or suggestions on the part of these people which prioritizes oneself over Christ is tragically in error, and it is this kind of thinking which is the root of so much sectarianism. So no, if you are a sexually active homosexual, Christianity teaches that you are living in sin (there are extraordinary exceptions involving the culpability and ignorance of a person, though). This is a harsh teaching, to be sure, but if you are only going to follow Christ when it is convenient, what does that say about you?

There is a tendency, particularly among the left, to abstract religion to accommodate syncretism. But this cannot be done with Christ who is so much more than just a semitic Buddha. So much more. So my advice to religious gays is this: do not abstract and seek Christ on His own terms, not yours. Only then will "it get better."

[Angel1999]

11:31 PM on 10/19/2010

Things only got better when I left the church.

[charles116]

12:41 AM on 10/20/2010

The whole Catholic religion is based on guilt.
My question is, so where do Jewish mothers fit in there?

[Windfish]

01:00 AM on 10/20/2010

Maybe because your moral demands were eased? But that's not really "better" is it? That's just an escape.

[gappedtoothgodwarrior]

05:34 PM on 10/20/2010

"if you are only going to follow Christ when it is convenient, what does that say about you?"
It says that you're like the majority of adherents to any religion throughout history, you know, those who are sane.

Religion really shouldn't be treated with any degree of seriousness, it is at it best when one has as little devotion as possible and uses religion as an exercise in whimsy.

[scottyknows]

02:42 PM on 10/19/2010

The story of the woman caught in adultery who was brought to Jesus is a great example of his grace and his will for our lives.

Those around would have been completely justified in stoning her for her behavior. Jesus asks a simple question and all the accusers leave.

He turns to her. "Where are those who have condemned you?" They've gone. But what does he say next? "Go and sin no more."

He didn't condemn her, but he did judge her or he wouldn't have categorized her actions as sinful. What Jesus did and what grace does is give us a stay of punishment, and the opportunity to recognize our sins and turn away from them and toward him.

[Angel1999]

11:32 PM on 10/19/2010

I'm not interested in recognizing the things that your religion characterizes as sin. My religion says that being homosexual (or a practicing homosexual) is not as sin.

[garybob]

09:05 AM on 10/20/2010

If you tell me what your religion is, I can tell you what man made your religion up. If you are astute enough to be Catholic, that man is the Christ.

[talkstocoyotes]

11:13 AM on 10/20/2010

The woman in that story had been accused of adultery. I have no problem with believing that Jesus in oh, say modern-day Connecticut or Iceland, would say the same thing to a married gay person who's cheated on his/her spouse.

[verita assoluta]

11:44 AM on 10/19/2010

Religion and Christianity are kingdoms apart. The Children of the Devil
Jesus said to them, "If God were your Father, you would love me, for I came from God and now am here. I have not come on my own; but he sent me. Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say. You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me! Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don't you believe me? He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God."

[conscioushope]

12:28 PM on 10/19/2010

huh?

[Windfish]

03:08 PM on 10/19/2010

He's trying to make a distinction between "religion" and "Christianity." This is foolish, though. Christ founded a Church - a religion.

[gappedtoothgodwarrior]

10:02 PM on 10/19/2010

It's that old canard about Christianity not being a religion. Often it's accompanied with "it's a relationship with god" or some other bollocks.

[mododavid]

10:44 AM on 10/19/2010

This underscores how passive and ineffectual the "It Gets Better Campaign" is. If this were a "Let's Make It Better Together" active campaign, maybe these members of hyper-oppressive religious groups wouldn't step forward to actually make it better. When I was a gayby, watching videos of people telling me it will some day get better would equate to them telling me to just stop my whining until it does get better then - voila!

[Margo Arrowsmith]

11:05 AM on 10/19/2010

What is getting better is the increase in the numbers of religious organization that accept homosexuality as normal and OK. Baptist Churches who marry gays are not uncommon, or at least unheard of and growing in numbers. Gay clergy, etc. its happening and it is getting better. Stick around.

[SNLiberty]

12:12 PM on 10/19/2010

mododavid - you might enjoy this then
http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2010/10/01/sl-letter-of-the-day-sorry-nothing-fun

Whilst this is your interpretation of the 100's of films it isn't my interpretation. The ones I watched let people know that they are not alone and that is something they can do about their situation now.

As you feel strongly enough to write this, do you feel strongly enough to do something? Otherwise, who is the passive and ineffectual one?

[Margo Arrowsmith]

10:31 AM on 10/19/2010

I got lots of responses, most of which do to me what they are also doing to all religious people.

One accused me of saying that all atheists do this. I was specific to say that I was talking about the atheists who haunt religious forums in order to lump all religious people together. I guess that person thinks that that is all atheists or he wouldn't have said I was talking about them all.

Its very ironic that after lumping all religious together someone then says that when I point that out I am talking about all atheists.

When they bother to acknowledge all the progressive churches it is only to say that there are enough (and there aren't, yet) but then go on to allienate their allies.

Why do you do this? Why can't you acknowledge that their are millions of religious people on your side and deal with that instead of throwing those people away?

[rationaljimmy]

04:27 PM on 10/21/2010

In spite of the fact that 99.9 percent of historical bigotry against gay people has come from religions, and in spite of the fact that religionists have always presumed themselves to have special insights into morality, ethics, and human rights, atheists do not generally "throw those people away". If you're taking a few passionate posts here as indication that atheists don't acknowledge progressive religionists, you may be tilting at windmills. There is exasperation. But the exasperation is not a hatred of religion. It is a hatred of the taboo against pointing out the irrationalities of religion. And on the subject of teen suicides, these "alienating atheists" may just be saying that they accept the efforts of religious people, though not because of their religion, but in spite of it. If it seems "alienating" that someone would point out that religion is irrelevant in a discussion of human rights, then that may just have to be left to religionists to grapple with.

Also, an expectation that religions take responsibility for the words and messages of their books is not an attack. And it is not an oversimplification to point out that religions have essential messages - true to all believers. I think Jesus probably had a one sentence description of Christianity. Religious apologists have been around since religions began, making religions keep up with rational knowledge. It must be an exhausting job.

[Margo Arrowsmith]

06:21 PM on 10/21/2010

Jimmy, it looks like you have put a lot into this comment, but I have already told you that I am not going to debate religion with a fundamentalist and you have shown that you are a fundamentalist.

Now, if you would like to discuss why you won't align with people who are your allies I will talk, otherwise I will not respond to you.

[LearningCommunity]

10:28 AM on 10/19/2010

To those that think, being gay is a choice, let me say that I am attracted and get aroused by a certain kind of women. Some women don't arouse me, others do. I cannot change that. I like thin women. I cannot decide one day to like fat women. That is not the way it works.

I cannot think of a way I could ever be aroused by a man. It is not a choice. It is who I am.

Given this fact, how can anyone think that a gay guy could just decide to not be attracted to certain kinds of men.

Anyone that thinks being gay is a choice, must also be saying that they could also chose to be gay if they wanted.

Now that I think of it, maybe that is it. People that think Gay is a choice are really gay and they choose, because of their religious beliefs, to not act on it. To them being gay is a choice. OK. I get it. They are still attracted to men, they just choose to not act on it.

However, they don't change their attractions. It is not a choice. Because I am not gay, I cannot chose to be gay.

Am I making any sense at all?

[conscioushope]

12:32 PM on 10/19/2010

Yes, you make a lot of sense.....

And, you make a good point about some homophobic folks who might actually be gay, but fight it and therefore think it's a choice. I hadn't thought of it in exactly that way!

fanned!

[AGooglyMinotaur]

10:14 AM on 10/19/2010

"God loves you the way you are and God doesn't want you to change. God doesn't want you to be cured or healed, because there's nothing to be healed from," he says in the video. "You're the way you are, the way God made you and the way God loves you."

A lovely quote from Bishop Robinson, and nothing could be more true. Jesus preached God's unconditional love and acceptance. If you call yourself a Christian, and you don't recognize that that love includes gay people, then you ain't a Christian. Crack open that Bible you're always thumpin'!

[conscioushope]

12:34 PM on 10/19/2010

Yes, Agoogly!

I thought it was a wonderful quote and article as well!

Fanned!

[Coloradem]

02:36 PM on 10/19/2010

F&F. Bishop Robinson is an amazing man.