Kids Draw Their Parents' Splits: 8 Heartbreaking Pictures

Kids' Turn, a divorce education program located in San Francisco, encourages children grappling with their parents' split to express their feelings through art. Founded in 1988, the program--which serves five counties in the Bay Area--has been replicated nationally and internationally, and will be implemented in Great Britain later this year. The following pictures, which were drawn by kids and teens ages 5 to 15, express in crayon and marker feelings often too difficult to explain in words.

Loading Slideshow

Comments

[katieandtom]

07:49 PM on 01/08/2011

so sad, but the honesty is good. you have to LISTEN to your children. sometimes that is really hard to do when you dont like what they have to say.

[clairenb]

10:32 PM on 01/08/2011

One of the main priorities of the program where these pictures were created is to give children a voice in the experience of parental separation. The old adage that the 'kids will be just fine' is contradicted by many of these images.

The kids CAN be fine when parents make their children a priority when the family reorganizes.

Claire N. Barnes, MA
Executive Director
Kids' Turn wwwkidsturn.org

[katieandtom]

10:36 PM on 01/08/2011

nice to "meet" you claire. i actually owned a 5 star preschool with 150 children here in nc, sold it and am in the process of purchasing another right now. i, like you, love and honor children. they are pure of heart and soul - we adults and society pollute them. thank you for your service and keep up the good work!

[beingthebest]

06:24 PM on 01/08/2011

Heartbreaking, some, I guess. I'm overjoyed the kids feel comfortable enough with someone to make those pictures (a teacher perhaps)

I don't find anything heartbreaking about the picture of Mom's house and Dad's house. It is what it

As a child we would wish, pray, do anything we could to influence our parents to divorce. Once they finally did, we got to spend time with two sane rational people. Before, it was toxic.

[shawnie5]

02:18 PM on 01/11/2011

Glad it worked out for you, but a divorce isn't going to make people sane and rational if they weren't before. I know my mom wasn't any more sane and rational after divorce than before the divorce...just less angry because she could now have her own way about everything and nobody that she had to compromise with.

I don't believe there's any such thing as a "dysfunctional marriage." What's dysfunctional is one or more of the people in it, which is why remarriages are so much more likely to fail.

[beingthebest]

02:30 PM on 01/11/2011

I don't believe there's any such thing as a "dysfuncti­onal marriage.

Marriage is just a word. It can't be anything without the people involved. Marriage doesn't exist inside a vacuum.

We are both commenting on our experiences so neither of us can be right or wrong. My parent's did both become sane and rational. Something, I was to young to know what, set them off about each other. Both parents went on, much later, to remarry and both had long lasting second marriages that only ended in death.

[CAHertzfe]

05:34 PM on 01/07/2011

Many marriages were made with the thinking of the little head rather than the bigger head. The 2nd and 3rd marriage, no head was used.

[kidsadvocate]

05:32 PM on 01/07/2011

Art has tremendous power to express, evoke and educate. As Program Director of Kids' Turn, a Bay Area based non-profit for families experiencing parental separation who provided these images, I see evidence of this daily.

I'd like to add that this very authentic and uncoached artwork often changes during the course of the six week workshop.

Having had an opportunity to express the myriad of feelings they may have been kept contained, the children's art begins to show more hope and optimism. Children and parents have been learning new skills of emotional intelligence and communication.

Parents' emotional energy is re-focused on their children and parenting skills. Conflict between the parents is often reduced. With this growth comes new choices for a better future.

While divorce and separation may be here to stay, it's impact on the children can be vastly improved. And the use of art is a communication tool that can be utilized by children of all ages.

[DiscoMT]

03:21 PM on 01/07/2011

Not sure what is so 'Heartbreaking' about the 2nd drawing other than Divorce itself. From what I can tell it looks like the kid that drew it sees each parent as equals. Best way to have it in a divorce.

[Samirah1368]

06:12 PM on 01/07/2011

I didn't get why the second pic was heartbreaking either. both homes seemed happily drawn with flowers and bright colors...what is so sad about that?

[llisa]

09:03 PM on 01/07/2011

I agree. This looks like a positive drawing.

[radar17]

03:20 PM on 01/07/2011

We need divorce. How else will we be able to praise single mothers?

[beingthebest]

06:25 PM on 01/08/2011

Many single mothers were never married, and many still, in this day and age, actually chose to be single parents

[rmarie]

02:46 PM on 01/07/2011

Better than a picture of parents hitting, kil.ling, or disrespecting each other.

[SportObssesed]

02:24 PM on 01/07/2011

I wish parents would realize how difficult it is on the kids when they divorce- it's not all "two christmases and double birthdays" I remember my mother saying to me when I was about 19-20 that the divorce shouldn't affect me anymore now that I'm grown - complete bulls**t. I'm 31 now and everything I do in life is affected by their divorce, high school/college graduation was dramatic, choosing where to live, holidays are still split up and someone gets left out- even now with me and my fiance having a baby there's conflict. I can't even descrbe the feeling except to say it's like an anchor following you wherever you go.. I totally understood where those kids were coming from in their drawings.

[MarcEdward]

03:08 PM on 01/07/2011

Moving post.
As a parent, I cannot help myself and am compelled to advise you to always put your child's welfare and your marriage over keeping your "parents" happy.

[CrankyGal]

01:08 PM on 01/28/2011

Exactly what I was going to say.

Don't think twice about cutting that anchor loose. It belongs to them, not you.

Don't waste energy trying to put smiles on your parents faces.

Focus on your own new family first. Do what is necessary to keep yourselves calm and sane.

[beingthebest]

06:26 PM on 01/08/2011

And on the other hand.. my 4 brothers and I wanted to throw a party when our parents divorced. Best thing that ever happened to all of us. They were toxic together, quite decent human beings apart.

[MexiChick67]

02:17 PM on 01/07/2011

There is a HUGE difference between divorcing because there is violence / abuse in a home vs. parents who have 'grown apart' or 'we don't have the same goals' or 'I'm not happy in the marriage' or 'I'm not in love anymore'. Parents need to put their children ahead of themselves and do all they can to keep a marriage intact. Get counseling, connect with family & friends for support, nurture yourself and your kids, etc. Marriages are not made to be kept in a vacuum. They need energy & support from the outside to stay healthy. Also, choose your mate carefully.

[Redneckwintellect]

06:19 PM on 01/07/2011

I think you've outlined a good plan there. However, life doesn't work that way.

In the absence of violence, verbal abuse, etc. some marriages are still better off in a divorce. Having been through counseling twice with 3 different psychologists, no family within 500 miles, her having no genuine friends, and her maxing out the cards on gym memberships and junk, I feel like I've played the martyr role that you are describing. You know, the one where we stick it out and be nice to each other just for the kids. It can be psychologically damaging to all parties as well.

In my situation, we fit that "grown apart" stereotype you've listed. I've grown up, and if I could get full custody her and her 16 y/o mentality would be outdoors.

[MexiChick67]

06:46 PM on 01/07/2011

My godmother divorced her husband of 20 years because he gambled their money away. She had a hard time paying rent, bills, buying groceries, getting clothing for the kids, etc. He hocked or sold anything that wasn't nailed down. That is abusive, too. Abuse is not only hitting. Their kids were happy that they didn't have to bolt their doors because their dad would go in there and steal their records & tapes (back in the 80s) to sell. Sounds like you tried to keep your end of the bargain and she did not. Too bad that she has not matured. Wish you luck in getting custody.

[shawnie5]

10:19 AM on 01/12/2011

"and if I could get full custody her and her 16 y/o mentality would be outdoors."

That, in a nutshell, is why fewer men file for divorce than women. We wring our hands over women being "trapped" in unhappy marriages, never considering how many men are quietly "trapped" already because of their children. My dad made the same choice as you, to protect me. Thank you for your honesty.

[greendrake]

01:51 PM on 01/07/2011

Oh my god, that's so sad.

[chedet]

01:47 PM on 01/07/2011

Some kids take divorce differently no matter how amiable the break-up is. For people to be saying that it's ok for my kids because our divorce was amiable and we will make it easy for them to adapt to this situation, really don't understand how their kids feel. My own cousin took his own life after his parents' divorce despite it being peaceful and neither of them are abusive.

[JoshuasDaddy]

01:46 PM on 01/07/2011

I am a product of divorce. 37 years worth. My parents divorced when I was five. My father is an alcoholic. It wasnt the greatest times for a family.. but I never got to see what it was like to have a father and a mother at the same time. Now, I have a five year old son and his mom left me just as he turned one. That boy is my life and I will be there for him as long as he wants me. I had issues from day one about having to go back and forth between homes and wondering what it would be like to see my parents together. Now, as my son recently turned 5 and is asking why he has to go to 2 different homes. It isnt right. No, matter what any of you think that you are or were doing it for your kids and you think that you know what they have been feeling.. that they are ok. I'm glad that eases "your" mind.. because I will bet anything that you will never find out the true feelings of your children. You are just being told what you want to hear.

[ryantherusskie]

01:40 PM on 01/07/2011

Broken homes are nothing short of tragic, and our society is heavily impacted by the indirect effects of them. Innocent babies don't deserve the often selfish and thoughtless parents they are born to.

[Wild Ranger]

01:46 PM on 01/07/2011

Babies are pretty selfish, wantin' that boob all the time.

Broken homes just need a carpenter or some other type of repair person. I can understand that some people can't afford it. Poverty is pretty tragic.

[ryantherusskie]

02:53 PM on 01/07/2011

Babies aren't selfish for wanting that all the time. Just crafty. They're able to readily get what the rest of us spend untold amounts of time and money trying to get.

[Sepulchre]

01:21 PM on 01/07/2011

I guess it depends on the circumstances of the divorce. I was happy my mom divorced my dad, he was abusive. At school my whole attitude changed I went from sullen and withdrawn to social, and my grades improved dramatically. I eventually cut off contact with him of my own accord.

[MexiChick67]

02:08 PM on 01/07/2011

My parents separated (never formally divorced) when I was 13 and it was a good thing. My parents could not live together because of my mom's mental health issues and my dad's alcoholism. It was easier to deal with one dysfunctional parent than two. We were lucky to have a good relationship with our father, but he and my mom could not be in the same house. They had a tumultuous and violent relationship that affected us worst than having them in different homes. In these cases it was for the best that they did not live together.

[Indie Mom]

02:34 PM on 01/07/2011

I've learned that this past year in my own pending divorce. For years I've known that my children weren't witnessing a healthy marriage, yet my spouse's alcoholism and verbal abuse had taken its toll on me for a couple of decades and I was so beaten down that I really didn't know how to end the marriage. And I was also petrified of the financial issues. So I suffered. And my children suffered. And then my husband got the ball rolling when he decided to have an affair. I'm almost to the point where I can say 'thank you' to the other woman.

It was a living hell the first few months he moved out because the children were still acting out from the undercurrents of alcoholism and abuse and I was a complete mess. Yet we all have slowly and surely changed and grown into stronger and healthier people. The kids are happier than I've even seen them, more emotionally stable, fighting amongst each other less and less, treating me with more kindness and respect than ever before, and on and on. And I've become a much better mother than when my ill husband used up all of my energy on psychological survival.

[AmyEStarkey]

03:08 PM on 01/07/2011

So, alcoholism and abuse wasn't enough for you to end the marriage, but an affair was? I don't want to be judgemental, but why is an affair a legitimate reason, but abuse is not?

[Vermilionphoenix]

12:59 PM on 01/07/2011

I agree the second pic with the houses seems happy to me.
I am a product of a dysfunctional marriage that led to a dysfunctional divorce. At six years old I had the "give this note to your mother", "here's your child support check, tell your mother to stop asking me to buy you things, that's why I give her the check". "You're father is an ass", etc. And I was always dropped off 1 house away b/c they didn't want to even see each other.

I agree, never stay in a marriage for the kids Above all, the problems you have with your spouse or ex should stay between the two of you. Be adults, work the issues out with civility.

I don't mean pretend nothing is wrong, but explain in an age appropriate manner that although it's painful to not have both parents in the same household, sometimes it's the best, and both parents are still going to protect, love, and care for that child.

That's all I can say from my experience.

The psychological damage you will cause your children will take the a very long time to repair, if at all. Many of my friends in similar upbringings as mine are now doing the exact same thing their parents did, really sad for their kids. The cycle is hard to break, luckily I did.