Blackbird Deaths Blamed On 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' Repeal By Some Prophet-Lady
If you're like most Americans, you've probably recently been worried about the mass bird die-offs that made the news this year, fretted about signs and portents for a day or two, and eventually calmed down after you heard from scientists that such events aren't that unusual, it's just that we've only now started to really tweet our feelings about these things with other people.
But there remain dissenting opinions on the matter, such as the one offered by Cindy Jacobs, that these mass avian deaths are actually being caused by the repeal of "don't ask, don't tell." I know, crazy, right? But Cindy Jacobs apparently has the gift of prophecy!
JACOBS: According to biblical principles, marriage is between a man and a woman, so we have to say "what happens when a nation makes a decision that's against God's principles?" Well, often what happens is that nature itself will begin to talk to us - for instance, violent storms, flooding. And you know there are actually some patterns that you can see where a nation will make a decision that is contrary to the principles of God and after that there is some kind of answer that God gives - being the God of creation, the God who created nature - but we don't always understand what He's saying.
Well, there's something interesting we have been watching - let's talk about this Arkansas pattern and say, could it be a pattern? We're going to watch and see. But the blackbirds fell to the ground in Beebe, Arkansas. Well the Governor of Arkansas' name is Beebe. And also, there was something put out of Arkansas called "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" by a former Governor, this was proposed, Bill Clinton. As so, could there be a connection between this passage [Hosea 4] and now that we've had the repeal of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell, where people now legally in the United States have broken restraints with the Scripture because the Scripture says in Romans 1 that homosexuality is not allowed.
It could be because we have said it's okay for people who commit these kinds of acts to be recognized in our military for the first time in our history, there is a potential that there is something that actually happened in the land where a hundred thousand drum fish died and also where these birds just fell out of the air.
O-kay! Let me see if I have this right. Because we repealed DADT -- which, mind you, only is paving the way for the gay soldiers already serving in the military to legally acknowledge their own existence -- flocks of blackbirds, with their pea-sized brains, are suffering a crisis of "flock cohesion."
Boing Boing reports that in her new book, Jacobs warns that "From Pokemon cards and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, to Marilyn Manson and psychic hotlines, this nation is under siege." So, basically, America is being attacked by stuff from the 1990s.