NEW YORK

Jake Dobkin, Gothamist Co-Founder, Hates Park Slope

01/14/2011 04:41 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Why don't you live in Park Slope anymore? Do you hate us?

I love my parents, but if I spend more than two hours with them consecutively, I become suicidally depressed. It's the same with Park Slope, but a little less intense -- I can be there three hours without wanting to throw myself into the Gowanus Canal. It's not any one thing, like the strollers, or the conspicuous consumption, or the judgmental non-judgementalism, or the proliferation of high-end coffee bars, or the $3MM brownstones, or everybody talking about how much cooler it was in 2005 when Park Slope was REAL--it's all of those things. Also, I hate the F train. Also, I'm still scared of the John Jay kids. Also, every time I walk down 7th Avenue I feel like I'm going to run into my nemesis from high school and have a panic attack. Also, I refuse to pay $150 to eat some fusion sushi or whatever crap they're selling now on 5th Avenue just on principle, ever.

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