Ayelet Waldman Blasts Amy Chua In Defense Of Western Mothers

The Wall Street Journal:

Here are some of the things that my four children of a Jewish mother were always allowed to do:

• Quit the piano and the violin, especially if their defeatist attitude coincided with a recital, thus saving me from the torture of listening to other people's precious children soldier through hackneyed pieces of the juvenile repertoire, plink after ever more unbearable plonk.

Read the whole story: The Wall Street Journal

Comments

[Aviva Luria]

08:32 AM on 01/18/2011

For a laugh, read "Anthem of the Geflilte Mama" on Old Mom, Young Child:

http://omyc.wordpress.com/2011/01/18/anthem-of-the-gefilte-mama/

[monopole]

02:04 PM on 01/16/2011

Too many inconsistent constraints lead to unpredictable behavior.

To quote Wikipedia:

"Asia Carrera studied piano as a child, and performed at Carnegie Hall twice before the age of 15. By 16 she taught English at Tsuruga College in Japan.

She won a full academic scholarship to Rutgers University and is a member of Mensa. When she was 17, she ran away from home because she felt her parents put too much pressure on her to succeed academically."

She did become a top porn star. But I doubt that was her parents intent.

[hoobit]

01:50 AM on 01/16/2011

What is so delightful about this whole thing, to me, is: Ms. Chua is married to a Jewish man! And, yup, he was raised by a Jewish mother! Not only that, but people seem to be responding to what she wrote *without* having read her book! They're commenting on exerpts! No wonder she comes off as such an all-out Dragon Lady of the First Order!

Sure, Cliff Notes are great, but apparently the exerpts that've been published from Chua's book aren't even that thorough! I'm recalling how exerpts from JK Rowling's books were/are received; by definition, exerpts only give a *portion* of what has been written -- crucial nuance and context is omitted for: A) shock value and/or B) the sake of time and space. Didn't stop folks from pontificating on Harry Potter, though, did it? They were flat wrong about what the books were all about, but...

Mayhap people should take the time to actually read Ms. Chua's book --the whole danged thing!-- *before* they comment on her defense of 'Chinese mother parenting'. Just a thought.

[Aviva Luria]

09:52 AM on 01/18/2011

I hear what you're saying, but I don't think people should be expected NOT to comment on an excerpt. True, it may or may not be representative of the entire book, but she DID write it and and she DOES lay out her parenting philosophy and describe an episode that illustrates it. For many of us, there's no justification for treating one's children the way she describes. And we're going to say so. I'm bothered by the fact that sales of the book have been boosted by the controversy -- if I do read the book, I'll take it out of the library. I won't purchase it and help Ms. Chua exploit her mistreatment of her children.

[Turtleposer]

01:30 AM on 01/16/2011

I've worked with Chinese parents over the years who have said that they push their kids because everyone else does, and if they fell behind, their children would be lost in the system. To them, it was a mill. Not all of the children succeed on this mill, they told me. Everyone's doing.

One of my high school friends is Chinese-American. She was pushed for years by her parents to become an engineer when all she wanted to do was be an artist. She dropped out of college after considerable expense and eventually became a successful graphic artist.

I do think we in the West tend to coddle our children a bit too much and try to hand out self-esteem like it's some low-hanging fruit. We could push our children towards success. However, the push should be towards achieving what the child wants to be successful at, not what we deem to be successful.

[Angelaaaa]

09:30 PM on 01/15/2011

I admire and respect those who respect education. There will always be extremes however and they should not be lauded. I do wonder though:

Will the overly-pushed Asian children of today bring up their children the same way? I don't think so.

Will the indifferent, poorly educated Western children of today bring up their children the say way? I think it probable.

Now who is learning from their parents' mistakes?

[Perry Clease]

08:31 PM on 01/15/2011

Do you really think all mothers are either similar to Ms Waldman or to Ms Chua?

[Candide33]

08:28 PM on 01/15/2011

That is why China has such an outrageous suicide rate, 30% of all suicides in the world happen in China each year, 40% of all female suicides are Chinese.

Too much pressure leads to sever depression.

I would rather have a live kid than one who is treated like a job.

[laaambchop]

06:38 PM on 01/15/2011

Another chapter in the Mommy Wars.

Good job, media!

[whiteconch]

06:36 PM on 01/15/2011

bombastic rebuttals are to me just a sign of over-defensiveness. seems to me that 'both sides' could learn from each other, and should. in a world where the value of being 'right' supercedes openess and understanding of other cultures..our american culture could stand to learn a thing or two. we could set an example by doing so in not just child raising techniques but on all sorts of subjects .to give us and impart to our kids a broader understanding of other cultures.

[timbeaux]

05:09 PM on 01/15/2011

I'm married to a Chinese woman whose mother, at least as far as education is concerned, mght as well have been Amy Chua.

And, yes, she's ambivalent about her mother and the demands her mother placed upon her. But she's also extremely well educated, cultured, able to make her way in a difficult world, and able to enjoy everything from poetry to classical music. My American nephews, on the other hand, whom I love immensely, are (in theilr late thirties) slackers and underachievers. One of them literally can't find Europe on a map, and I'm not sure the other could find a map on a map. And they both get a lot of their cultural stimulation from reality TV.

In a world where the education system is failing, in part because parents refuse to be involved, we need more Amy Chua's not fewer. And even those who criticize her should be willing to learn from her commitment to her children's education. It's more important to her that her children have successful lives than it is that they like her when they're adults.

[elcastle]

05:29 PM on 01/15/2011

well said

[Anne Mccormick]

05:34 PM on 01/15/2011

really, i know a chinese girl who was raised by a mother who could have been amy chau. oh this girl is successful in her career. her mother made sure of that but at what cost? she did excel in college. there's just one problem, the girl was socially isolated. because the mother refused to allow her daughter to have friends this girl had no idea how to behave around others. we, her other roommates, had to teach her how to make friends. something that all of us knew when we were teens. we even had to teach her how to stand up to that mother of hers'.

after our first year of college we decided to go to Europe for three months. can you believe that this mother actually told her 19 year old daughter, legally an adult, that she did not have permission to come with us. her mother demanded that the girl go to an intensive summer school. when she finished crying, we helped her face that woman. with our help she bluntly told that mother that enough was enough. she was going off with her friends; to have the life that her mother had refused to allow her. today, our friend and her mother do not speak; have no relationship. my friend's mother has not met her grandchildren who are being raised exactly opposite of the way she was raised.

[P Murphy]

11:47 PM on 01/15/2011

And is this a good thing?

[xMoonWalkerx]

06:33 PM on 01/18/2011

Great story.

[reviewingthesituation]

03:44 PM on 01/15/2011

Didn't Chua commit the ultimate slap-in-the-face to her mother by marrying a non-Chinese? Most of my older Asian students would prefer two-headed grandchildren to a Caucasian son-in-law. Her husband, by the way, seems like the most henpecked husband imagineable. I can't get past a "loving" parent who calls a child demeaning names (or allows the other parent to). What epithets does a non-loving parent use, for heaven's sake?

[formerLAresident]

03:12 PM on 01/15/2011

Chinese mothers are superior....Somebody better not tell my mom, she told me she was superior everyday. She's not Chinese either and did a great job with 7 children without calling me names or being mean. Why did this woman article ever see the light of day? Her sense of superiority complex pitting one group against the other is sad. If western parents are so bad why don't she leave the United States and live among other similar superior moms. Why didn't she marry an Asian man? Oh, I guess fathers don't count like fathers in western countries. I'm a mom and my son's dad is just as important as I am. Raising a successful child is not only a mother's job but a father's also. Involved, loving and caring parents with high expectations are what matters not how evil or scary your are. Stop the mommy wars...that game been played....and nobody wins.

[editorjuno]

02:44 PM on 01/15/2011

The simplistic view is that Asian moms bully their children into either high achievement or sheer desperation while western moms coddle theirs into an obnoxious sense of entitlement and/or directionless ennui. The reality is far subtler than that, but there's no denying the overall cultural tendencies in play -- taken to their extremes, both approaches severely shortchange and potentially harm the children involved.

[abbienormal]

03:13 PM on 01/15/2011

Agreed. I worry about many of the posts regarding Chou's article that ridicule China and the Chinese. I work with and teach many people from China and Chinese Americans and they do not resemble any of the descriptions on many of these threads.

[editorjuno]

04:03 PM on 01/15/2011

Indeed -- my niece is engaged to a wonderful, high-achieving (Harvard MBA candidate) Chinese man who bears no resemblance to the popular stereotypes with the exception of (what most westerners would consider) excessive deference to his elders, especially his prospective father-in-law. A young woman could do a lot worse! :-)

[nkannan]

05:23 PM on 01/17/2011

F & F!! Finally someone who spoke up against "simplistic" views! It is really funny to observe many comments here decry how Amy Chua is trying to stereotype typical Chinese Parenting (I don't think she did- she was narrating her own journey and lessons - Wall Street Journal did a number on her with the headline "Chinese Mothers are Superior") and then within a sentence or two generalize about Asians being not that creative. Really? That's the extent of your attention span?

[laaambchop]

01:16 PM on 01/15/2011

That's one powerful piece of writing.

[xMoonWalkerx]

01:12 PM on 01/15/2011

Now we know why china has been under an authoritarian rule for so long with very little protest from it's people. Maybe it's a result of this type of parenting techniques which has produced a billion very compliant people.

[elcastle]

05:36 PM on 01/15/2011

look at USA now, I see lot of people getting poorer, decisions to make rich people more rich, white collard crime unpunished,and still, enviroment suffering, social security slowly taken away by our government, America dream gone cold.... I don't see people rebelling, on the streets, like French or English people do, when state is taking away their rights...I don't count teabaggers as reasonable people...that is about as compliant as I can tell.

[timbeaux]

06:18 PM on 01/15/2011

And very well educated.

[Perry Clease]

08:35 PM on 01/15/2011

And that makes them out of balance. The Chinese should have chosen Taoism over Maoism.

[xMoonWalkerx]

06:21 PM on 01/18/2011

Good education is supposed to make you question things and must not make you compliant. I agree that they probably go to college and get some degree and that makes them "educated" in a shallow sense.