Women: Settling For A Less-Than-Ideal Partner May Mean More Stress

msnbc.com:

By Jennifer Viegas
msnbc.com

In socially monogamous species, from birds to humans, most individuals find partners.

A large proportion of females, however, wind up with unattractive males of below-average quality, according to a new study that also found such less-than-ideal relationships raise female stress levels.

Read the whole story: msnbc.com

Comments

[VeroucaSalt]

03:44 PM on 02/07/2011

While this article is very interesting, it is little more than metaphor for human relationships. Humans are far more complex than birds, and stress in a relationship is far less likely to be due to physical attributes in a human relationship.

[upbeatdem]

05:33 AM on 02/07/2011

There are a lot of ways in which a woman can consider her partner to be "below average." The partner's appearance seems significantly less important than an incompatibility of behaviors, beliefs and values. Of course, a study dealing with those issues would have to focus exclusively on people, not extrapolate findings from a bird study.

[mymind]

03:22 PM on 02/06/2011

This article didn't address, in it's study, if the male birds sat around watching TV, hanging out with the 'Boys' after work while the female bird has to take the kids to practice and PTA meetings, then get home, cook dinner, get some laundry done and look like a '10' by the time the male comes home!

[TomP100]

10:03 AM on 02/05/2011

What an absurd study. To extrapolate data from finches to people is a stretch to say the least. People choose our partners not just on looks, but also things like common interests, common values, common life goals, desired personality traits, shared spirituality, etc.. Animals don't do that. When it comes to human relationships, one cannot objectively define what is "less than ideal". A man or woman who is "less than ideal" for one person, may be the perfect soul mate for another. Like I said, an absurd study. And I bet the taxpayers subsidized it at some level to boot.

[phantoma]

12:09 PM on 02/04/2011

Another day, another article on a major media outlet about human behavior referencing scientific studies on birds.

[behavingbadly]

07:19 AM on 02/04/2011

Maybe some sort of government mandated labeling would help.

[Paul Robertson]

06:17 AM on 02/04/2011

"A large proportion of females, however, wind up with unattractive males of below-average quality"
Shock! Approximately half of all females have a partner of below average quality!

[patches12]

09:57 PM on 02/03/2011

And of course... all these woman are 9s and 10s... right....?

give me a break...

[theseusofaustralia]

04:50 AM on 02/04/2011

hahaha exactly.

[UserNameJane]

03:25 PM on 03/16/2011

Exactly

[Dog Whistle Translator]

04:32 PM on 02/03/2011

i see the words, i read the article, but all i hear is

waaaaaaaaaa - i'm not happy...and its all your fault

Ladies, you hear this every day- if you want to be taken seriously, take Accountability seriously

[acrossthewalls]

02:12 PM on 02/03/2011

I can't wait to read Lori Gottlieb's book praising these birds for sacrificing their happiness for their oh-so-wise choice to settle for the sake of being married and with a family.

[ColumbiaPatricia]

02:38 PM on 02/07/2011

I'm still waiting for Lori Gottlieb to settle and marry that homeless man with a drug habit; then write a book about how happy she is.
She can have my ex-husband who complained all day every day about anything and everything, got fat, never exercised and wanted to quit work so he could watch TV all day. She can sure have him !

[ExitZero]

01:29 PM on 02/03/2011

I just came from a discussion where a man described how it's perfectly reasonable, and apparently unchangeable, that men will always be attracted to the exterior while women will always be "more forgiving" of a man's less than stellar looks. He's wrong of course because that's just an adaptation of women to the man's world, where they too often don't get that option.

Men expect to be loved for who they are, even as they openly admit they don't return the favor to women. Of course this causes stress. The answer is for both genders to start seeing with their hearts and souls and stop pandering to the stereotypes created by a mindless pop culture. But I don't see it happening any time soon.

[Shaun Hensley]

03:58 PM on 02/03/2011

Ladies first.

[ExitZero]

04:12 PM on 02/03/2011

I'm good with that. Ladies can go first by stopping that habit of "forgiving" men for being soft and homely. They should start demanding all men look like FDNY calendar models. Is that where you want to start?

[Amadahy]

08:59 AM on 02/07/2011

"I just came from a discussion where a man described how it's perfectly reasonable­, and apparently unchangeab­le, that men will always be attracted to the exterior while women will always be "more forgiving" of a man's less than stellar looks."

That hasn't been my experience with men or women.

"Men expect to be loved for who they are, even as they openly admit they don't return the favor to women."

That hasn't been my experience either. Men "hope" that they're loved for who they are, just as women hope that they're loved for who they are.

[Carrie Joseph]

01:27 PM on 02/03/2011

There can be a lot of pressure on women to marry. However it's up to each of us to make that decision. It would be very unwise to marry someone who you aren't attracted to or don't want to spend the rest of your life with. The other reasons for marrying pale against the reality of living with someone day after day and having to adjust your life accordingly.

[DennyCrane]

08:46 AM on 02/03/2011

If someone (man or woman) is settling for less than what they want, they have only themselves to blame. At the same time, if you have unrealistic expectations and can never find what you're looking for, then you still have no one but yourself to blame. The problem is that we live in a culture that puts enormous pressure on people to marry. Over 30 and unmarried? You're an old maid. Over 40 and have no kids? You're selfish. It's ridiculous statements like these that cause a lot of women to marry the wrong person. Personally, I would rather stay single than end up with the wrong person. As for being stressed about your partner's looks, all I can say is grow up. Looks fade. Even Angelina won't look the same in 10 years. If you're someone who finds it stressful that your partner doesn't look as good as you, then imagine how they'll feel when your looks fade.

[Suzie2]

02:45 PM on 02/03/2011

Good luck staying single and not being judged as defective in some way for it. And if your defect isn't obvious, they will imagine it. Some men seem to really have a problem with unmarried women. For the life of me I can't understand why. We're not the gold diggers they hate. We're not the ones taking their money in a divorce. I don't get the animosity.

[Tara Hunkoff]

10:05 PM on 02/03/2011

To a gutless man with a twisted ankle, every sidewalk is to be avoided.

[amymari]

03:58 PM on 04/03/2011

I totally agree with this. If you're not happy with what you've got, and you chose it and knew at the time you chose it that you were not happy with it, then who is at fault? I think a fair number of people get married with some level of misgivings and think it will get better when they are married. This is not likely to happen.

Why do people care so much about the judgments of others that they ignore their gut instincts telling them "something's not right" and keep dating someone wrong for them, or even marry them? Why are we so uncourageous in living our real lives?

I did the former - date someone who was a poor partner, ignoring my gut reactions that he was not a good choice. Thank God I did not marry him!!! I really learned my lesson with that situation. No matter how lonely being single might sometimes be - no matter the pressure to be married - I think it would be far preferable to being with someone that's a poor partner.

[Pippen]

08:09 AM on 02/03/2011

This is just rediculous on many levels. The article is stupid.

Appearances, contributions to a relationship, behavior, finances, job roles, occupations, careers, endeavors, loves, etc.... none of it has a "definitive standard" of value. Everyone has their own unique set of principles and values.

One woman may regard men who wear their hair long as unfit or uncooth and the woman standing next to her may think the opposite. Appearances are an illusion. If you choose a mate, friend, loved one, based on appearances your a fool. The appearance will change and with it, will your choice change ? What does that say about your definition of "value" ?

It suggests your fickle nature is deeper than even you think. It means that being chosen by you would be more like a curse than a benefit to the chosen.

It's about character, its about seeing someones heart, someone's spirit of their soul.

I'd rather live my life with a sewer worker who makes less than min wage who has a real heart, a real soul. Who lives life with love happiness joy and optimism and who treats others with good intentions and love than to live with a cold hearted diva with a high profile career and excludes people from her life while she makes reservations at the best restaurants. Not a choice for me.

Life is short my friends. Before you know it, it's over and the fun comes to a stop.

[tommy b]

06:38 AM on 02/03/2011

Who is forcing them?