Single Mothers Get Little Sympathy In New Pew Poll

Looks like single mothers are on their own.

In a new Pew Research Center poll of American attitudes toward changes in the structure of the American family, researchers found that Americans were least forgiving of the rise in mothers raising children without a male partner to help them.

Pew polled 2,691 Americans adults to determine if they feel that certain trends are "a good thing for our society, a bad thing for our society or doesn't it make much difference." The list of trends included more unmarried couples raising children; more gay and lesbian couples raising children; more single women having children without a male partner to help raise them; more people living together without getting married; more mothers of young children working outside the home; more people of different races marrying each other; and more women not ever having children.

Respondents tended to fall into one of three categories: those who believe all the trends are good for society; those who believe the majority of the trends are bad for society; and the third group, labeled the "Skeptics," who were generally tolerant -- except on the question of single mothers.

Mothers raising children without a male partner was the trend that most sharply divided the two most tolerant groups. As a group, the Skeptics feel unmarried or gay couples raising children do not make much of a difference on society, yet they overwhelmingly believe single mothers are harmful to society.

The author of the study acknowledges that the analysis is limited in that "not everyone ... evaluates each of the trends in exactly the same way."

Comments

[BobRess]

08:47 PM on 04/10/2011

Why is it they all seem to assume single mothers chose that and started out that way? The great majority are divorced/separated/abandoned/widowed.

[mjegan59]

12:01 PM on 03/08/2011

I don't see any reason for "sympathy" for single mothers. A woman has so many choices about her pregnancy from the instant she finds out she is pregnant (and with morning after pill, even before). that an unwanted or unexpected pregnancy is not a disability at all. There are a variety of ways to get pregnant - from the quaint, old-fashioned way to all the more modern methods. And there are variety of ways not to get pregnant from active (abstinence, condoms, and the pill) to passive (tubal ligation, vasectomy and the IUD).

In the contemporary era, pregnancy is not just something that "happens" to a woman and it's not something a man "does" to a woman, there are a whole series of choices that go into being a single mother long before there is ever a baby.

The comment thread turned into a whole her versus him deal and it should not be. I don't see the need for any sympathy for being a single parent. Now there may be good reason to have a discussion about child support, parental timeshare, poverty and welfare, etc., but that is not, in my mind, a question of sympathy for the single parent, that is a question of law and policy.

To that, I prefer:
1) No children born into poverty (single or dual parent home);
2) If children born into poverty, then access to food, education and healthcare
3) A variety of choices for potential parents

[markscoular]

07:19 PM on 03/17/2011

ran across this comment while looking at your comments on another subject. It is thoughtful and well written. Thanks

[Silence Dogoody]

12:24 AM on 03/07/2011

It's true. Single motherhood is not healthy. Neither are the other things listed here.

[Phil Grundig]

11:42 PM on 03/06/2011

I thought from what I read recently that it had been proven than children do tend to do better in two parent families. There is is less delinquency amongst other indicators. That goes some way to explaining the perception that single mothers are detrimental to society.

[ChaCubed]

06:18 PM on 02/20/2011

Why is it Pew surveys always confirm Republican opinions?

[Nicole Dixson]

11:08 AM on 02/19/2011

I was raised in a two parent middle class household and believe me, it was no picnic. They did the best they could as far as raising us children, but they had no love for each other. I can remember being 5 years old and hearing my dad threaten to shoot my mom. My solution was to take his box of bullets and throw them into the blackberry patch near our house. By the time I was 16, I didn't even blink when he would threaten to shoot one of us. By then, I knew it was just talk. Neither of them had a drug or alcohol problem, they were fueled entirely on anger.

Fast forward to today. I am 39 and a single mother of an almost 14 year old boy. I have been single since the day I have had him. His father provides child support, but does not see my son. I am a supervisor in county government. My son has never spent a day on any type of welfare program. In fact, there is more money coming into our house than in some two family households. Of course, money isn't everything and I am sure that my son has a place in his heart that will never be healed from the lack of a relationship with his father. But there is PEACE in this house, there is LAUGHTER and there is LOVE. I can't say the same for my own household growing up.

[BlazesBoylan]

11:59 AM on 02/19/2011

Well done! Fanned for this (and other comments I've read).

[Nicole Dixson]

03:03 PM on 02/19/2011

Thanks! :-)

[teeniechino]

02:54 PM on 02/19/2011

Great post. SIngle mom, too. My son is 22 now, his father was around in the early years and is deceased, but you're right. You attend to your child/children more and the bond is much stronger. I look at my son's friends' parents, some of whom I am good friends with, and they can't be bothered with raising their kids -- they were more like satellites that orbited around the parents. My son is in a good relationship, graduated college early, and got a full ride to a highly rated law school. He has also helped his friend get to college (one year left), and had it been left up to his parents, he'd be on the couch in the family home right now, just like his 32-year-old brother.

[Nicole Dixson]

03:03 PM on 02/19/2011

:-) Thanks for sharing.

[Moonspirit48]

09:49 PM on 02/21/2011

I so agree. There are so many parents who find it a burden to parent! What amazes me even further is that many of my friends have adopted their children, paying $20,000 to $30,000 for each child. Yet from child one, they start complaining of how hard it is and then adopt another! And another! All the while complaining about how tired they are and they never get any time to themselves. So many people are not meant to have children and make the sacrifices that are necessary. It takes a person born with a natural capacity to nurture and be compassionate, yet be able to be firm and set boundaries.

[lrobb]

08:03 AM on 02/19/2011

It is one thing for Murphy Brown to become a voluntary single Mom. It is quite another for a young woman who is unable to give the child the basic requirements for a happy and self-sufficient adulthood.

Your right to have a child stops at my pocketbook. The social pathologies arising from single parenthood are overwhelming our ability as a nation to cope with them. It is not just support for the mother at issue. It is the problems the kids have at school, their statistical tendency to drop out in higher ratios than children from two-parent families and the overwhelming number of men without fathers present currently in prison or somewhere "in the system."

In all fairness, as a nation we have done sex education very badly. Tell a teenager "no" or flat out lies and you will get a curious and exploratory kid. As my daughter once said, "All the adults are doing it, and liking it, and you expect us to keep a quarter between our knees on a date?" We have no room to complain until we start providing free or reduced cost birth control to both males and females. Reproduction is a genetic imperative. It will trump religious scruples any day of the week. The US will continue to be unsuccessful at stemming the trend toward single motherhood until we start thinking more like Holland and less like Iran.

[laaambchop]

05:15 PM on 02/19/2011

So the real problem is poverty?

[lrobb]

05:53 PM on 02/19/2011

Got it in one.

Provided you can take care of any children you bear up to adulthood and self-suffi8ciency, I don't care how many you have.

Many single parents were happily married at the time their children were born, but the father was not able or willing to provide child support when the marriage went South. "Able" should have been a consideration before conception. "Willing" is a matter for the courts.

[alahnar]

10:26 PM on 02/19/2011

I was trying to figure out a way to say something similar, and saw that you already nailed it perfectly. Thank you. The issue is not being a single parent necessarily, but the poverty that often (not always) accompanies it.

[SaddieMcCall]

12:58 AM on 02/21/2011

What about women who had children within a marriage and divorce or widowhood left them without the resources in the immediate time to care for their children?

I still remember Phil Donnahue commenting about his divorce from his first wife. He said everyone criticized his wife when the children got in trouble, but all he ever got was praise. Women wanted to bring him over casseroles and they smiled at him for just being with his kids. He said single dads got respect just for showing up, and single moms got criticized for any problems.

[Moonspirit48]

09:52 PM on 02/21/2011

You got that right!!

[Said One]

06:21 AM on 02/19/2011

Thats because most people use contraception these days - and really more women should employ it - and men should get sterilized - people are looking down on them because the world is overpopulated enough as it is

[BittyWitch]

02:30 AM on 02/19/2011

I have little sympathy for most single mothers and I was raised by one. Despite the people who claim that they do not need men to raise happy, healthy children - it isn't about what you need.

It is about the child.

My mother did the best job she could. That doesn't mean it was good. I question the mental faculties of women who choose to have children on their own. I question women who make poor choices & can't even recognize the poor choice. My mother was married to my father, but she also acknowledged that she was about to leave him for a variety of valid issues when she found out she was pregnant. She knew it wasn't a good situation to bring a child into - but she wanted a child. Lucky me...

Sorry, but I've known too many single mothers who have been too busy patting themselves on the back for doing a good job while being completely oblivious to their child's needs and the harm they were doing. No one is perfect, but the weaknesses of single parents are exacerbated by the fact that they are on their own.

I'm not having a kid on my own even when I can afford a full-time nanny. I am also not having a kid with a man who lacks character and whom I wouldn't trust with my life. To do otherwise is selfish.

[BlazesBoylan]

07:03 AM on 02/19/2011

Not all single mothers are in that situation because of the scenarios you describe – “selfishness” or a “poor choice” of partner. Did it ever occur to you that some men die or are killed, leaving their grieving widows to cope with bringing up a family alone? And did it ever occur to you that not all men who walk out on a marriage “lack character”? Or that not all women who walk out on a marriage “lack character” either? Unless you know the reasons in each individual case, you can’t possibly make that judgement.

[BittyWitch]

07:17 PM on 02/19/2011

Did it ever occur to you that my response was directed at the scenarios I described? I didn't make a judgement against all single mothers - that is your projection. I grew up in a lower working class area and the majority of women that I knew personally made really bad choices. Their men didn't die and usually one, if not both parents lacked character. Leaving a marriage isn't a sign of lacking character - but disappearing from your child's life as an effective parent, and from the life of the custodial parent as a support system in the raising of that child- is.

[David Kesterson]

08:55 PM on 04/04/2011

I couldn't agree more, Bittywitch. The majority of single mothers we have in America now are single because they WANT to be single. The only time they even show any interest in a guy at all is when they see one they know they can get some money out of. Mr. Reeves was given a great line in parenthood http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFaUX9ZbyRM&feature=related it applies to Mothers too. Women in America have taken to the trend of hooking up with a guy long enough to have kid(s) then ditching him for no other reason than to go live how they want with absolutely no regard for her own kid(s) while taking advantage of the pathetic system we have to get a free ride from the ex husband and the government in the form of earned income tax credits and child support. Corrupt county judges in this country should all be publicly executed for the crimes and atrocities committed against the children of this nation. Child abuse and neglect is rampant because of this going on. There is no help, hope or justice for our kids who are taken from a loving Father by a selfish, childish and vindictive mother.

[henrypapillon]

08:25 PM on 02/18/2011

You mean having Bristol the Pistol as their shining example hasn't raised their image in the public eye.?

[drwtsn]

01:47 AM on 02/22/2011

She probably caused the results received in the poll. Most people probably thought of her when asked this question, and since most thinking people consider her bad for society, that is the answer they gave, without considering all the wonderful single mothers among us.

[KDMac]

02:53 PM on 02/18/2011

Many single moms are paid off by the "fathers" to not name them on the birth certificate, so they're not liable for support.

[KDMac]

02:00 PM on 02/18/2011

What this doesn't address is the guys whose apparent mission is to populate the Earth single-handedly. Talk to your sons and give them cartons of condoms if need be!

[h0tr0d]

03:26 PM on 02/18/2011

Men cant become pregnant.

[KDMac]

03:36 PM on 02/18/2011

Thanks, Mr. Obvious : D

[onionboy]

03:36 PM on 02/18/2011

Women sure don't become pregnant on their own.

[Kallista6667]

10:02 PM on 02/18/2011

The republican's ban on Planned Parentood won't help people to get condoms!

That said, have u ever watched the Maury Povich show? guys come on with 15 kids from 7 different women, and you know they are not the educated and they have no silver spoon, it is just such a shame.

[Keith DeBoer]

12:44 PM on 02/18/2011

While their may be some exceptions, in general, single mothers deserve our respect and assistance. We should honor their courage and help their children, who are the innocents, in the situation, no matter what the circumstance.

[sabelmouse]

06:21 AM on 02/19/2011

and i cannot recommend this book enough.
this is a woman who has worked in family court and her ideas could really help change the world for the better, though many peple get hung up on the playschool or no argument.
her premise is pretty similar to your's.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Children-First-Society-Do--Doing-/dp/0679421335/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1298114453&sr=1-4

[BlazesBoylan]

07:11 AM on 02/19/2011

Thank you.

[PRR Fan]

10:51 AM on 02/18/2011

In the liberal worldview, this is reflective of a cruel and patriarchal society that needs disbanded. To me, it simply reflects the fact that the consequences of single parenthood for women are so harsh. A man risks STDs for sexual promiscuity. A woman risks that plus a pregnancy from which she couldn't just walk away without the extreme risk of an abortion. And until a few generations ago, the rigors of pregnancy and childbirth was probably the most dangerous thing a woman would endure in her lifetime. Meanwhile, men tend to recognize, even if they don't want to talk about it, that the child that comes along with a single mother is a very expensive reminder that she had sex with someone else and might again. And since only a small minority of men are rapists and an even smaller number of pregnancies are the result of rape, its hard to feel too bad for a woman who sleeps with a guy knowing that pregnancy can result and without any firm commitment from him beforehand.

[jessicadevyn]

01:37 PM on 02/18/2011

Most single mother pregnancies have nothing to do with promiscuity. Most were in monogamous relationships with the man bailing afterward.

[Shaun Hensley]

03:05 PM on 02/20/2011

Yes, women ARE attracted to bad boys.

[BlazesBoylan]

03:09 PM on 02/20/2011

F&F for sanity and reason

[onionboy]

02:41 PM on 02/18/2011

I think you've made a lot of assumptions about single mothers there. My mother slept with one man her entire life, my father. In fact, of the single mothers I know now, I can't think of one that wasn't in a long-term monogamous relationship, if not married.

And somewhere in the equation, we need to start talking about substance abuse and how this country handles it. Addicts are not going to be clear thinking enough to use birth control. They'll pop out multiple kids. I know it's easy to say, "Toss 'em in jail." But what about the kids? Toss the father in jail for possession, and what do you have left? A single mother. At some point we'll have to decide what's more important, the children (and hopefully preventing them from growing up to repeat parents' mistakes) or being punitive to the parents.

[Shaun Hensley]

03:06 PM on 02/20/2011

You know different single mothers than I do.