Women Breadwinners: Does It Matter If She Makes More Money Than He Does?

Slate:

By Hanna Rosin
Slate

When my husband and I got married I was making more money than he was. We both had steady journalism jobs but I was also writing a column on the side, which put me ahead. At the time, I didn't gloat, and he didn't care.

Read the whole story: Slate

Comments

[mxytsplyk]

02:04 AM on 03/21/2011

At times in my working life, Iʻve made more and made less. Either way didnʻt bother me.

[ToniQ]

03:16 AM on 02/24/2011

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. - Woody Alan

Where is the department store that advertises the latest styles for eternity?

[ToniQ]

03:22 AM on 02/24/2011

wrong thread, sorry

[Parsifals]

04:45 PM on 02/23/2011

And we live in the 21st century and we are reading this on a purported progressive website blog.

[Shaun Hensley]

10:45 AM on 02/22/2011

So if she makes more money, then every dollar he earns is 'his' to fritter away as he sees fit, right?

[Stephen Stafford]

06:24 PM on 02/21/2011

It matters that you are asking sexist questions in the 21st century. Your question implies that a sensilble woman might opt to work for less to make her partner feel better about his delusional behind. Ridiculous to think/Ridiculous for you to ask.

[JonB2057]

06:17 PM on 02/21/2011

It matters for the exact same reason when a woman earns less. In a large number of relationships, there are POWER STRUGGLES! Who does this, who does that, etc. Sometimes the power struggles become to much for one or the other to take. What happens when one is just outright fed up and wants to leave? Money will always play apart in relationships. Whoever has the most, has the ultimate say. As enlightened as many of us want to think we are, it still comes down to "who's the boss".

[Darryl Clayton]

11:12 AM on 02/21/2011

Women Breadwinners: Does It Matter If She Makes More Money Than He Does?

Short answer: It shouldn't. It should be a discussion before marriage if that appears to be an issue if the man has 'bread-winner' issues. A mature discussion about roles in your relationship would help in easing some of the inner tension as well as preparing you guys for the outer influences like familym society, etc..

[Linda from Deerfield]

09:44 AM on 02/21/2011

Does it matter? Evidently I was concerned enough that it might matter to my husband that, for years, I hid my out-earning him. It was easy since I was the one in charge of the family finances. It enabled me to push extra into 401k savings, and now that we're facing retirement in better shape, reportedly, than many of our peers, he realizes what he suspected all along and seems to think that it is just marvelous that I was working on this pleasant surprise. He endured a lot of late hours, skipped vacations, travel and exhaustion on my part so he earned it as much as I did. He was always great moral support and I have no doubt that I couldn't have done it without him.

[JonB2057]

06:19 PM on 02/21/2011

"Evidently I was concerned enough that it might matter to my husband that, for years, I hid my out-earnin­g him."

So basically, you've been living a lie?

[Linda from Deerfield]

12:24 AM on 02/23/2011

I don't remember lying, just not mentioning how much I was making.

[axt113]

07:08 PM on 02/20/2011

Nope, I'd love for my girl to make more, a lot more, so could stay home and go to the gym

[JonB2057]

06:21 PM on 02/21/2011

"Nope, I'd love for my girl to make more, a lot more, so could stay home and go to the gym."

And what if she has a change of heart??

[axt113]

10:06 PM on 02/21/2011

No problem I'll just brush off my degrees and certifications and head back to work

[Drmhp]

12:22 PM on 02/20/2011

In the end it matters more for women. Not in the beginning but after the attraction of the relationship wears off and the hard reality of lifes struggles take hold they may ask themselves do I really need him.

[axt113]

07:17 PM on 02/20/2011

Those types of girls should really never bother getting into relationships then, a relationship should be about more than just money and how much each other is financially needed, money makes the road smoother, but it shouldn't be the reason you travel down the road.

[Shaun Hensley]

10:46 AM on 02/22/2011

Women marry up. Period. She'll think less of you.

[Sherry Ackerman]

05:17 PM on 02/19/2011

I can't believe that we are even talking about this?!! Doesn't the very question (headline) imply that women have not achieved professional equality?....that the jury is still out as to whether or not "women are equal" in professional domains? Good grief, our Country really is driving off a cliff. It feels like everything that we have gained in the past 50 years is suddenly up for repossession.

[Catothemuchyounger]

03:09 PM on 02/19/2011

It doesn't. My wife has always earned more than me (by 10% to 15%, not a huge difference, but every dollar counts these days) and it has never mattered to me at all. If she made twice what I make it would not bother me. Its more money in the family pot.

[JonB2057]

06:23 PM on 02/21/2011

"Its more money in the family pot."

As long as she see continues to see it as the "family pot".

[MikeDu]

12:09 PM on 02/19/2011

I did have to chuckle a bit  that the headling is posed in the form of a question. "Does it matter?", as though any artcle written in the 21st century had the remotest chance of concluding "Yes, it matters. A man should avoid a woman who makes more money than him." Well, perhaps an article written for the Texas NRA or something published by the Jerry Falwell organization.

[Shaun Hensley]

01:57 PM on 02/19/2011

Why is everyone assuming the question is "does it matter to men?"?

Obviously women are going to have a tough time coming to terms with it. They still think they are only earning a 70% what men earn, never mind that the wage gap is reversed for people under 30.

[Catothemuchyounger]

03:15 PM on 02/19/2011

"Well, perhaps an article written for the Texas NRA or something published by the Jerry Falwell organizati­on."

I am a strong supporter of gun rights, and I doubt that the NRA folks in Texas would object if their wives started making more money. I am no evangelical, so can't speak for Falwell's folks, but I don't know why a wife making more money would be problematic to them. Obviously, a woman with no income is necessarily very dependent upon her husband. But if she has a decent income, she has the basis for being independent, whether or not she makes more than her husband. And whether or not a woman with a decent income is subservient to her husband is dependent upon her belief system and what role she desires for herself, not what she makes.

[Willow712]

11:55 AM on 02/19/2011

A friend of mine many years ago was married to a guy that clearly made more money than her. They had two little kids, they both worked, etc. One day when she got home from work, she asked her husband, "How come I am always the one to make dinner, get the kids bathed and to bed, and you get to sit and watch the news?" His answer? "Because I make more money than you do. I have a much more stressful job, and need to unwind." about a year later, she came home after getting a raise at work, sat down on the couch, put her feet up and asked, "What are we having for dinner?" It took no time at all for him to begin backtracking and trying to compromise. LOL

[axt113]

07:12 PM on 02/20/2011

lol, good for her, as a guy myself, I would be happy to cook for any girl I marry, and help with any kids (I just refuse to change diapers though, yuck)

[ExitZero]

08:09 AM on 02/19/2011

It can't matter in the future, given current trends. There will be a new normal. It's always been fascinating to me, even when I was a child, how men seem to need women to be in some way LESS than them - less intelligent, less wealthy, less competent, etc. What I'm curious about is seeing if this new normal can turn around centuries of male condescension and increase the degree to which men respect women as human beings. That's the change that will truly reorganize the culture.

[Shaun Hensley]

10:30 PM on 02/19/2011

So you're a man hater from childhood? Not surprising. I feel sorry for your sons.

[ExitZero]

08:38 AM on 02/20/2011

LOL, if that's the only possible way for you to process anything - I was a tiny little six year old "man hater". How ridiculous can you be?

Believe it or not, female children have to process the inequities and illogic of the gender status quo from an early age. My mom used to tell me that boys didn't like you to be smarter than them, because of "male ego". She advised me to accept it. I never did. Only a very strange individual could call an innocent child's innate drive to acknowledge her own humanity as "man hating".

You don't have to feel bad for my guys, Shaun. I don't think an angry basement dweller has any reason to feel bad for two really smart, really healthy young guys who are in happy relationships with beautiful, intelligent young women. I'm sure they'd feel sorry for you, but I don't think they'd have much frame of reference for all that hate and hopelessness.

[Amadahy]

02:19 PM on 02/21/2011

I'm baffled by your comment ExitZero. I've never know a single man, including myself, who have looked or are looking for a woman who is less intelligent, wealthy, and competent then they are. I'm really sorry to hear of your poor male experience.