Jessica Ravitz: Why I'm Not Married

CNN:

By Jessica Ravitz
CNN

Tracy McMillan has gotten under my single-status skin.

I'm not sure how it took nearly a week for her Huffington Post column, "Why You're Not Married," to land in front of me, but it finally did. And now I'm fired up -- not in an angry way but in the sort of way that made me skip to my desk, excited to type.

Read the whole story: CNN

Comments

[jmatistic]

03:05 PM on 03/12/2011

This entire discussion is ridiculous. Jessica doesn't need to explain herself. It just feeds the haters. In reality, maybe those who get married and end up divorced just have terrible judgement compared to those who never marry at all. Maybe never marrieds know better than to get caught up in society's fairy tale that we all need to be married. Maybe we see that the relationships we've had weren't of the quality to last. Maybe we were better than divorced people at weeding out the wrong people. Sure it might not have been their fault their spouse cheated or was a louse or whatever but again, just playing devil's advocate here, maybe they should have had better judgement when first choosing their spouse. And maybe the only difference between never married and happily married people (truly happily married, not faking it happily married) is that married people were lucky enough to find the right person. Or lower their expectations and settle. Just saying.

[Puffin16]

03:22 PM on 02/25/2011

Been there, done that.

Now I come and go as I please. I jump on a plane and go on vacation. I sleep as late as I want. I go to bed as late (or early) as I please. I watch whatever show I like. I don't shave my legs everyday. I flirt endlessly with handsome strangers. I go on dates and think about being home in my nightie with a bag of 94% fat-free popcorn. I listen to my friends complain about their spouses. I listen to the people at work fight with their significant others over the phone.

I'm pretty sure my soul-mate is me.

[amymari]

11:09 AM on 02/26/2011

Hilarious, and somewhat true! Fanned!

[IrishgirlsUSA]

11:00 PM on 02/24/2011

Tracy McMillan's column was very tongue in cheek with some good old honest humor about a very touchy subject.
Jessica Ravitz's column was way too much information overload. My head is reeling. It was too much to take in one sitting.

[Pippen]

07:48 AM on 02/24/2011

Ravitz - Nobody defines you except your actions. If your spouse farts loudly in the elevator its not your fault and his inability to control himself or want too is not a reflection of your person. How you deal with him farting in the elevator does.

You suggested you became closer to your father as time aged you. I'm guessing you opened your heart somewhere along the way. Men don't always fall out of love when they cheat. Most men don't want a divorce or plan on leaving. Women mostly file for divorce. His lust doesn't characterize your womanhood. But how you handle it might. Dont be scared. Life is just moments anyway. We're lucky to have special people with us for short periods of time. Cherish those, the warmth will get you through most of lifes heart breaks.

If you want love to find you might as well get a dog and move to the country. Your 41, and out numbered 10:1 to other women for eligible men.

You seem to be dodging real challenge. You applaud your organizational skills and tidyness but if you want real challenge do the same with emotion involved. Its alot harder.

You will never find Mr. Right with a closed heart. Which is fine but some Christmas's you'll be standing in the snow staring at lovers through the window and you'll say F*(*&^ it I want that. Only you'll be 50.

Quit being a scared. Get out there bitch and get messy.

[Pippen]

07:27 AM on 02/24/2011

The McMillan article was sheer genius and a wonderful read.

Ravitz - I mildly enjoyed your write up, a bit tedious but sufficiently artsy. I would have gone more for a sincere austere delivery rather than a glazed skimmed description but thats more of a style choice than a character flaw.

Your gun shy. You are and want to be a career girl. You want and watch Sex and The City even though it's a guilty pleasure of tripe. You have a commitment issue also.

Kids of divorced families in their young years, mostly those with emotionally tragic divorces where the mother and all her cronies whine and moan about how he cheated and broke her heart and is going to hell yadda yadda would produce the level of gun shyness you display.

I'm a product of a broken home also. I can relate. I couldn't stand the idea that another person would represent me, characterize me in many ways to others. I wanted to represent just myself. Be rejected or accepted based on ME not another person's persona or foibles. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr thank you for playing but you don't win the stuffed animal.

Your too clean. That's your problem. You think you like clean. You don't your simply denying your desire to be indulgently unclean on purpose.

Life is messy. It smells, it sweats, it coughs but it also loves, embraces and accepts. It's sticky and its a risk. Thats what makes it fun.

...continued.....

[NoSillyName]

01:11 AM on 02/24/2011

The McMillan article was annoying. IMO, the question should be, "Why ARE you married?"

[T4]

07:55 PM on 02/23/2011

Reallife is different for everyone butwe still love to buld just the right box for other people - you sound like you're ina good place- enjoyit and all the changes thathappen for you in the future - your choices, your future.

[MARTYB]

06:52 PM on 02/23/2011

Yep, live on, if marriage isn't for you don't push it. I think it is overated by and for both sexes and should be used only if you want to pro-create and have a 2 parent home for the children, provided it is a safe and loving home.

[Grace Hulbert]

06:19 PM on 02/23/2011

I refuse to take marriage advice from somebody thrice divorced.

[Chris Close]

02:50 PM on 02/23/2011

LOL... Literally.. Just read her article... and it could have been easily rewritten with one word... Me Me Me Me Me... Not once did she mention the joy of bringing happiness into someone else's life. See item number 1. You are selfish.

[Nicole Dixson]

12:39 AM on 02/23/2011

Because marriage is not the be all end all and I hate doing laundry.

[N133]

09:38 PM on 02/22/2011

Oh my gosh, I read the McMillan piece as sassy and self-deprecating tough-love and as mostly satire. The reasons she gave are things you could apply to almost any type of relationship, romantic, friendship or otherwise; who wants to be around someone who is mad all the time??

I'm not so old that being single makes me uncomfortable, but reading Ravitz' response made me a little depressed...life happens, men cheat on you in slightly too personal anecdotes?? Her response made me feel sad.

[1Woman4Obama]

03:19 PM on 02/23/2011

Agree.

[RedRat]

08:06 PM on 02/22/2011

This is one very intelligent woman! Good for you! Some are made for marriage and some are not. If you are happy as you are, keep on truckin'. Do not, at all costs, let society push you into marriage and the child-trap. You seem to know yourself well, keep at it.

[MikeDu]

07:44 PM on 02/22/2011

Being an unmarried adult is like being an athiest. The mere fact of your continued happy existance in this world throws into doubt the entire centures-old cultural edifice that society is based on. Society doesn't tolerate the umarried because they see your existance as an accusing finger pointed in their direction. You are a problem to be dealt with. If they cannot marry you off then they're simply going to have to marginalize you.

[GEM-592]

08:59 PM on 02/22/2011

"existence"

Single people are often cast as being anti-social and selfish, it's true, but this is mainly done when it is effective in the workplace or elsewhere as a means of manipulation.

[Shaun Hensley]

05:34 PM on 02/22/2011

Unsend.