The New Testament Model For Forgiveness

By Dick Staub
Religion News Service

How do I forgive those who have wronged me? Can I restore a relationship with someone who has deeply hurt me? Can ethnic groups set aside centuries of grievances and warring ways? Can the proverbial lion lay down with the lamb?

My friend Marty composed the music for the most successful game franchise in history, Halo. He wrote the music before the game's story was fully developed. To guide Marty, co-creator Jason Jones suggested three words: ancient, mysterious and epic.

Those three words also describe the essence of forgiveness.

Ancient stories of conflict in the Judeo-Christian tradition start with Cain and Abel, move on to Isaac and Ishmael, Jacob and Esau and right into the New Testament with squabbles among Jesus' disciples.

Every major world religion teaches that forgiveness is good for us. Yet, in real life, forgiveness is counterintuitive and therefore mysterious and rare. Even though Jesus commanded that we forgive our enemies, the lack of unity among his followers is evidence of the difficulty of following Jesus' example.

There is also something heroic about forgiveness. Gandhi, who knew a thing or two about the hard act of forgiveness, said it takes strength: "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

The other day a genuine saint I know told me she was having a problem forgiving someone. I was a little surprised, given her age and maturity, but I guess I was also encouraged. If even she still needs to grow, I guess I shouldn't get so discouraged when my rough edges come out in obvious ways almost every day.

My friend and I talked about Jesus' words from the cross, where in the Gospel of Luke two of Jesus' sayings are about forgiveness. First, Jesus teaches us by example -- to extend forgiveness before it is asked for. "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."

The Aramaic word to forgive means to "untie." Jesus knew that the fastest way to free himself from his enemies was to untie himself from their negativity through forgiving them.

But Jesus also reminds us that forgiveness starts with us, not with the one who has wronged us. Hanging on to our anger and bitterness only hurts us. That's what author Anne Lamott meant when she observed, "Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die."

Jesus forgave before he was asked for forgiveness, but the act of asking was still important as we learn from the thief crucified along with him. He turned to Jesus and essentially asked for forgiveness saying, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom."

Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth: Today you will be with me in paradise." Forgiveness offered, then asked for, then accepted, is the pathway for a restored relationship.

We release our pain when we forgive -- even when it is not asked for. However, the relationship is not restored until the other party asks forgiveness. When both parties seek and give forgiveness, it is possible for them to reconcile and to again "be with each other"

Forgiveness is always good for us, but sometimes requires divine intervention. Near the end of his book "Life After God," author Douglas Coupland admits he cannot be the person he wants to be without God's help.

"Now here is my secret," he writes. "I tell it to you with an openness of heart that I doubt I shall ever achieve again, so I pray that you are in a quiet room as you hear these words. My secret is that I need God -- I am sick and can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem capable of giving; to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond able to love."

I'll say Amen to that.

Dick Staub is author of the just-released "About You: Fully Human and Fully Alive" and the host of The Kindlings Muse. His blog can be read at www.dickstaub.com.

Comments

[powercosmic]

05:00 PM on 05/18/2011

Hmmm.....

I find the idea of forgiveness only works with people that I care about, like my children, I notice too that my children cannot "hurt" me so forgiving them is really just about teaching them how to live.

Everyone else can go f--k themselves.

You never have to forgive anyone that cannot hurt you because there is never anything to forgive them for.

I also feel no obligation to forgive anyone that I don't want to, I refuse to allow anyone access to my life that I cannot trust, this group includes anyone that has done something that you forgivers would have to forgive for something. Like someone who is a drug addict or a drunk, I don't have to put up with anyones "problems" and neither do you.

Life isn't about "forgiveness", its about Survival, Honor, and Loyalty to your kids and friends (if you have them). Someone tries to steal from me or hurt my kids is getting my vengeance, period.

That is what keeps our little society together.

[Yeah-sure]

04:39 AM on 05/02/2011

Forgiveness is SO counter-intuitive that pretty much the basic tenet of the Christian faith is that god will forgive you, as long as you follow his instructions.

Which doesn't really sound so much like forgiveness.

[gemmax]

10:37 PM on 04/23/2011

Forgiveness is easy, because it is about action. If you decide to forgive someone, you decide to put whatever happened behind you. If it had been too difficult for Christians who still have their human nature, Christ would not have us instructed us to forgive. There are so many more important things in life than holding a grudge. Everyone makes mistakes...big ones. And we have the Holy Spirit to comfort us when we are hurt by someone. You have to believe in God's power to help you through any decision in your life whether it is to forgive, stop your bad habits, etc. etc. Just do it!

[New Yorker]

08:10 PM on 04/20/2011

In case any follower of Christ doubts that other Christians 'Praise & Worship' the Holy Spirit, the 3rd person of The Holy Trinity, let that person attend every and any Roman Catholic religious gathering, Mass, Novena, etc. They all begin and end with the persons involved each making "The Sign of The Crosss" saying " In The Name of The Father, and Of The Son, And of The Holy Spirit, Amen." Pentecost is the Day when we Catholics commemorate the arrival of The Holy Spirit that Jesus sent down from heaven for us. Every adult Catholic is acknowledged to be one when he is "Confirmed", and the Sacrament of Confirmation is provided by a Bishop of the church, a successor of the Apostles in rank who annoits the head with oil, and invites the Holy Spirit to each newly confirmed Catholic and follower of Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit is in everything the Catholic Church does and always has been.

[SheDAISY]

07:27 PM on 04/13/2011

Forgiveness and the Freedom of Letting go

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3D4VMZb8wLY&feature=related

[RedBall24]

05:58 PM on 04/06/2011

Religion is an intellectual error which humanity will eventually grow out of.

[BIGACES]

10:33 PM on 04/18/2011

If you are opposed to religion and thing those of us who practice are immature intellectually, then why come to this area and make a post?

[Dosadi]

10:41 PM on 04/05/2011

During Christ's last night he tried to allay the fears of his disciples over losing him.  He told them to not fret for he was sending someone more great and powerful than he; the Comforter, AKA the Holy Spirit.

So why are there absolutely no Christians worshiping the one that Christ sent for us?
Why are the Christians at the forefront of demanding revenge?
Why are the Christians constantly quoting the Old testament when Christ presented a "New testament" to us/them that promised salvation if only we followed it?
Why are our religious leaders not stressing the "Holy Spirit" instead of Christ?
And why is there no movement of forgiveness and turning the other cheek if these people are true Christians?


It looks like Satan has subverted the message and sent minions to keep us away from the world we were given by the death of Christ.

I spent the first quarter of my life in the Church, four or five days and nights a week but cannot understand the lack of continuity in worship.  It is like we want it all but refuse to do even the most rudimentary work to obtain anything.

I worship on my own now, I try to follow the teachings of Christ but i feel that I am all alone for nobody else seems to even bother trying.  Help us.

[sunshine14]

08:31 AM on 04/06/2011

Because some Christians do not accept Jesus as being divine, why some, as one has said constantly quoting the O T. Some believe only in Moses. Not all Christians practice or believe in the same. Some also think they have a  great secret code, hidden secrets, from others past about  God  and all things also.  
Another reason why constantly quoting the OT, they use it for judging others, called cherry pickers. The Laws are in the OT. Works great for those who want to persecute others, judge others, by using only what ever law interest them, or works well for them. To use their violence toward others, yet, at the same time,  they call themselves Holier then Thou. 
God dwells within in each of us, and it is up to us to find God, our selves. Trust in God only to teach you. The Holy Spirit then, one will come to know.
Prayer is a -conversation- with God, just talk to him, ask him, he is not dead God, but a Living God. To make our daily life a living prayer, our work etc- a daily continuing prayer to God, that all that we do, we worship and praise him. I love all dearly.

[Dosadi]

05:01 PM on 04/06/2011

Pretty good food for thought.  I will feast on it.

[PedroLeon]

01:04 PM on 04/06/2011

This is just as shot in the dark, but I think people latch on to concrete, tangible commands much better than abstract, even easy-to-follow nuances of the Bible. In doing so, Christians have always been superb at condemning, criticizing and persecuting, and very poor at loving, forgiving and accepting.

It's so ironic and assbackwards because Jesus loved from birth to death. He loved the pharisees, he's loved his friends, he even loved his enemies. He partied with undesirable people, he drank heaps of wine, and lived an exemplary life.

If Christians lived like the Jesus of the New Testament, they'd have a much stronger, more positive impact on the world.

[Dosadi]

05:01 PM on 04/06/2011

I think that if their beliefs were really as strong as they claim they would live like Jesus of the New testament.  I have come to believe that far too much of what we hear from Christians is just lip service. It sounds good coming out of their mouths but when it comes to practicing what they preach they do not find the teachings of the Bible to be of value.

[RedBall24]

09:13 AM on 04/05/2011

It just seems to me that Christianity’s idea of forgiveness is not working out that well for humanity. Maybe nature’s way is better? After all, it produced evolution.

[New Yorker]

02:06 PM on 04/05/2011

Christ is King, now and Forever. I know this, you will learn it sooner than you think. Don't be afraid, it's a good thing, unless YOU aren't.

[fjg]

08:21 PM on 04/05/2011

"Nature's way is better"--an interesting point. I'm sure that you're aware that the Nazis murdered approximately 70,000 disabled and mentally handicapped individuals because they thought it was "unnatural" to expend energy and money to extend the lives of "worthless individuals". "Nature's way" is survival of the fittest...the weak are left to perish. No, thank you.

[RedBall24]

05:27 PM on 04/06/2011

Now we can identify many of these before they are born which would enable us to abort them. It should now be a crime to bring a human into this world who cannot mature in all its parts to live a full life and complete life.

[Pratitya]

07:56 PM on 04/04/2011

"Can ethnic groups set aside centuries of grievances and warring ways?"
Only if they step outside of history.

In Bet She'an there is a Roman settlement destroyed in the Golan earthquake of 749 C.E. Up on a hill lies an ancient Israelite encampment where legend has it King Saul was slain by the Philistines. In the Ir Atika (Old City - Jerusalem) behind the wall built by the crusaders are houses and churches and mosques centuries old one prominent structure erected by the Umayyad ruler at that time. Layers and layers of antiquities. Each hectare, each dunam a tell reaching back millennia. Too much past dictating through it shadows the present. And the denizens upon this earth laden treasure trove of antiquity assert their claim upon the land by that history. "It is mine and not yours by this deed evidenced by this archaeological dig or by that testament."

But there are people who share the hectares or dunams of land who are not ruled by the past. Yes, they draw their spiritual history from a text. But it is a shared past accessible to all. But they till their rocky soil, graze sheep, tend their grapevines and their olive trees but build their homes from the stones that were once used for medieval fortifications and line their buildings with marble from Roman conquerors. From sun up to sundown they worry about the rains or lack thereof and getting their produce to the market.

[Cindy Tregan]

01:06 PM on 04/04/2011

Forgiving does not require request for forgiveness. All that forgiving is, is ceasing to require vengeance or repayment - dictionary definitions:

1. to cease to blame or hold resentment against (someone or something)
2. to grant pardon for (a mistake, wrongdoing, etc)
3. ( tr ) to free or pardon (someone) from penalty
4. ( tr ) to free from the obligation of (a debt, payment, etc)

It also does not presuppose "forget" as in "Forgive and forget" - it doesn't mean you have to make yourself a doormat ready to be stepped on again. I forgave my ex for the multitude of indignities and pain he caused me. I will not, however, allow him into my life in a romantic or spousal relationship ever again, because I know he is CAPABLE of repeating his prior behavior. I don't wish him ill, I do not require repayment anymore. But I'm no fool to stick my head back into that wild tiger's mouth again!

[ninetailedfox]

12:40 PM on 04/04/2011

This is the message of Jesus on the cross" Its not secret what Jehova can do, he did it for Jesus he can do it to you!" Cowardice.

[Dosadi]

10:17 PM on 04/05/2011

Exactly! And it starts with our rich church leaders.  Faved.

[cayuse]

12:10 PM on 04/04/2011

The lesson of Christ is that we are spirit and those who offend us are ourselves offending us. How can we be offend by ourselves. Just because that self has yet to realized it is not us. But us knowing we are that can only forgive. This is the message of the Cross.

Christ deciples chastise a women for wasting expensive Oil on Christ body of Jesus, and Christ says how can you be so concerned for the poor. You will have them forever, but you only have me for a short time.

[Nathaneal Green]

07:52 PM on 04/03/2011

Our personal repentance enhances our desire and ability to forgive.

[RedBall24]

06:42 PM on 04/02/2011

Forgiveness is overrated. I want my transgressors to learn a lesson and not get off easy. It's also natures way.

[Nathaneal Green]

07:39 PM on 04/03/2011

You would do well in ancient Babylon.

[cayuse]

12:13 PM on 04/04/2011

You will soon learn the lesson of Karma. Suprised you made it this far

[RedBall24]

09:11 AM on 04/05/2011

Maybe you would be a good person and explain this and enlighten me?

[VA Jill]

12:08 PM on 04/02/2011

When I hear someone say, "I'll never forgive so and so for such and such," I feel bad for them because I know they are tying themselves to their anger, hurt, and bitterness. If they say "I can't forgive," that is at least hopeful, because perhaps they will come around to it eventually. Unforgiveness hurts only yourself. Wallowing in anger and bitterness is no way to live. And no, you may not need God to help you, but you'd better be pretty good at self-talk.

[de-meme-ing]

01:33 PM on 04/02/2011

I suspect that only someone who hasn't been forgiven would accuse another of wallowing in anger, hurt, and bitterness. I also suspect that only someone who would be willing to send someone there and keep them there would accuse them of being there. A weird kind of self-righteous when you think about it.

Rather then playing God, give it to God. Mankind has done more evil playing God then God could ever do.

Jesus doesn't call us to be slaves, He calls us to be Co-Creators with Him.

With Him, in Him, and through Him, we create rational laws because, as He demonstrated, making abundantly clear, THIS life is as important to Him and our well being as is the next.

We don't deny that evil exists in this life. Our lifes work is to form rational societies and judicial system to minimize evil. We don't fail to recognize that in spite of all our best efforts, evil exists, as does wrong doing.

While we go about the work of forming just laws as Co-Creators so that equal opportunity and the right to dignity applies to all we should never fail to recognize that the cunning will always exist and will attempt at every opportunity to exploit the system, advantaging themselves of what they would deny another. I imagine that those people would not stop at exploiting secular law, but spiritual laws as well, such as forgiveness.

I truth that Jesus knows, and give it to him.

[cayuse]

12:16 PM on 04/04/2011

It is true. But the first reaction is hard to contain. I remember that once when I kept a guy from beating a girl and my reaction against him and his 5 other comrads. But miliary reaction is almost as bad as its action.

Needless to say that karma kept me from being bothered or seeing another attack a girl again. And I am very thankful.