On Wednesday night's "Report," Colbert attempted to learn high tea etiquette from British royals expert, Huge Vickers, and failed spectacularly. On Thursday night, he presented parts two and three of the series, "My Fair Colbert: Stephen Colbert's Crown Jewels," wherein the host attempts to give himself a British makeover in time for the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton (to which he has not actually been invited).
In part two, Colbert practices basic social graces like standing when the queen enters the room and shaking hands without saying something offensive. Most importantly, he learns that blow-up sex dolls dressed like the queen are not funny to British people.
Part three is all about the outfit, as Vickers takes Colbert shopping for a suit that has the appropriate blend of style and blandness. After proving that he can actually pull off the look, he then exits the scene in the most British way possible.
We're certain that invitation is going to arrive on Colbert's desk any day now.