Amy Chua: Why American Parenting Is So Close-Minded

usatoday.com:

The secret to America's global success has always been its ability to attract the best human capital from around the world.

Read the whole story: usatoday.com

Comments

[WorkersUnited]

04:31 AM on 05/22/2011

The reason people get so sensitive about this issue is that they secretly fear that Chua might be right.

[Erewhon7]

10:58 AM on 05/13/2011

Great article from Dr. Chua. I couldn't agree more.
"Learning how to learn"" has been my mantra in the classroom for a good number of years.
I am in perfect agreement also on the chasm between awful elementary/secondary education and superlative higher education.

[Thisbeautifulplanet]

05:46 AM on 05/14/2011

A woman who dares to call her children "garbage" does not deserve anyone's respect and should have the decency to keep her mouth shut when other parents remind her that love should ALSO be taken into consideration when it comes to educating their offspring.

[MayoGalway]

11:41 PM on 05/12/2011

As Mum pointed out earlier there is a downside, success does have a price.
from the site findcounse­ling.com:

"CNN reports that suicide is the second leading cause of death among Asian-Amer­ican women age 15 to 24 and these women have the highest suicide rate of any demographi­c. As early as fifth grade, these young women show the highest rates of depression and suicidal thoughts. Researcher­s say family pressure to succeed academical­ly on top of being the perfect daughter and, later, mother are largely to blame. Stereotype­s that portray Asians as more intelligen­t and harder working puts further pressure on these young women who may be further alienated by simply being a minority. For many, depression is passed on be it geneticall­y or by watching the behaviors of mothers who also experience­d these feelings. However, in Asian cultures which associate depression with shame, not just for the person who experience­s it, but for the whole family, it may be almost impossible to seek help. The article notes that many of these women did seek counseling but felt they were not understood and believed it would have helped if the counselor were an Asian-Amer­ican woman. Rather, many found comfort in 'religious faith, herbs, acupunctur­e, or becoming involved in groups that help other Asian women.'"

[Erewhon7]

11:04 AM on 05/13/2011

Sui.cide is also a second leading cause among Whites and Hispanics.
ooops....

Seems like your entire house-of-cards argument is built on a fallacy.

[MayoGalway]

12:09 AM on 05/14/2011

"Seems like your entire house-of-c­ards argument is built on a fallacy."
Hmmm. Seems like you weren't paying attention to earlier comments. That large paragraph belongs to Mum. I used it as a downside of the Asian-American success story(see my post below), but now I guess it isn't relevant now that you have corrected us. Nonetheless checkout my comment below. That argument stands.

[MayoGalway]

12:35 AM on 05/14/2011

What fallacy? No comparison just a clarification.
Department of Health and Human Services: Asian-American women ages 15-24 have the highest suicide rate of women in any race or ethnic group in that age group.

[SF TKF]

11:49 AM on 05/12/2011

Because most Americans either want to be their child’s “friend” or they want to abdicate all responsibility to the schools and then bitch when little Johnny can’t read or add. I swear, people should have to earn the right to reproduce.

[DadVsLife]

11:38 AM on 05/12/2011

What?
"The average American child spends 66% more time watching television than attending school."
I think kids watch too much TV, but how is this possible. 7 hours of school a day plus 58 hours of TV a week. If this stat is true then we are on our way out or on our to an Idiocracy. I am on my kids to get outside when they have been watching TV for 30 mins each day, and most parent I know are the same way.

[WYHKTai-Tai]

04:28 AM on 05/13/2011

At 58 HOURS of TV per week, that would be about 6 hours after school, from 3:00 to 9:00, (bed-time), each weekday and 13 hours a day on each Sat. & Sun of vegging out in front of a TV! This cannot be right! Someone please tell me this is innaccurate! My kids would NEVER sit still this many hours. I think I'd be in the loooney-bin after the first day! I don't even think chickens can sit still that long!

[jeanrenoir]

09:07 AM on 05/12/2011

As you know, Amy, American parenting in the top 1% is not close-minded at all. The rich GET IT. It's the moronic masses who are far, far too lazy, not to mention dumb and anti-intellectual, to be "Tiger Moms" in any sense. Most of the top 1% got there by getting A's from K through Harvard or Wharton, as we all know. Their parents were always there, monitoring their "progress" towards billions. There is no other way. Unfortunately, most of the lower 90% of American parents just want to be left alone, just wanting to be "pals" with their kids and to wear the same jeans their kids do, and for their kids to be "happy" and FAT--and failures with great "self-esteem"-- all the time. And then the lower 90% of our parents wonder why life is so "unfair." Most Americans simply can't hack it in a meritocracy, because they don't have the brains or the work ethic to make it. They fat, lazy, and stupidly pleased with themselves for nothing. So they are getting exactly what they deserve.

[greenygenie]

12:15 PM on 05/12/2011

Two things.

1) You can't possibly have children.
If you do, I feel deeply, deeply sorry for them.

2) You bring shame to Jean Renoir's name: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean_Renoir

[WYHKTai-Tai]

03:31 AM on 05/13/2011

ROFLMAO! Well, jean; You're in a rather p!$$y mood this morning arent' you?

[Erewhon7]

11:09 AM on 05/13/2011

He always is. He's still upset about Osama's untimely demise.

[Lisa Shields]

07:42 AM on 05/12/2011

I'm still sort of stunned that anyone believes in a "parenting formula".

I am neither Tiger nor copter parent---but I have observed a range of parenting styles in the last decade, and the one that appalls me the most is the Hobbyist Parent. This winner believes they can actually get the job done one weekends and school breaks...in between phone calls, emails, and other "more important stuff."

No, the sun doesn't revolve around your child...but I have always held that when children feel like they are afterthought---or worse, can only receive attention as a result of "performing" for their parents, you aren't giving them much in the way of bedrock. The world will take them down a peg...maybe more than one. While we should not be tossing pillows under our kids to constantly "soften their landing", neither should we be sucker punching them.

I'm glad Ms. Chua sees the virtue of her mother's parenting style...I just am not sure why she thinks it is THE ONLY way to go.

[jeanrenoir]

09:12 AM on 05/12/2011

Any way that gets your kids to produce straight A's is the way to go. If you can get them to become competitive in the global economy by playing them Beatles tunes and feeding Ben and Jerry's all day, that is definitely the way to go. Chua's simply trying to wake up clueless Americans that they live in a radically competitive, meritocratic world now, whether they like it or not. There's no opting out of the competition. You either raise kids who are academically excellent with world-class skills, or you are dooming them to be part of the vast global underclass of poorly paid mediocrities. Chua's just giving complacent Americans a wake-up call. Things are not "fine" if your kids are getting B's and C's and are "happy." They won't be so happy when they are working for minimum wage at 45.

[dead WASP]

03:07 AM on 05/12/2011

Some interesting thoughts in the article...one hopes talent from other countries will be welcomed with open arms, for the sake of the country's future.

[jeanrenoir]

09:14 AM on 05/12/2011

Too bad the Republican mob is so suicidal for America's future in their knee-jerk opposition to the immigration we desperately need to keep our IT industry alive at all, in a world in which India and China are poised to take THAT away from us just like our factories.

[dead WASP]

09:38 AM on 05/12/2011

I agree entirely!

[jayquintana]

02:23 AM on 05/12/2011

Tiger Moms, really, are no different than Sports Dads... sad that they have to live through their kids.

[jeanrenoir]

09:17 AM on 05/12/2011

Chua's a rich Yale professor who's a TOTAL success in life. The last thing she needs to do is "live through her kids." That's for losers, not winners like her. Dream on. The difference between Tiger Moms and Sports Dads is that Tiger Moms want their kids to be HAPPY as adults, instead of economic losers tossed on the ash heap of life because of their lack of world-class skills which the global meritocracy now DEMANDS, with no excuses. That's different from wanting your kid to hit a home run in Little League.

[Knothare1230]

01:50 PM on 05/12/2011

"who's a TOTAL success in life" You have no way of knowing this. What a Completely weird thing to say.

[WYHKTai-Tai]

03:40 AM on 05/13/2011

Read her book. She can't stop herself from 'living through her kids'. She makes it very clear in the book. She sounds like a warm, loving mom, but who is obsessed with them and their success. Great for her! She enjoys helicoptering, drilling and quizzing them all day and night. Not everyone can or will do that.
Not every "successful" (for you that may solely mean financially successful) person had that, in fact I daresay, most do not: Because if one is not a self-starter, one will never get there, no matter how much brow-beating one's mom does through childhood and college.

[greenygenie]

02:13 AM on 05/12/2011

"Why is American parenting so close-minded?"

(Amy Chua, are you not the one who refused your children play-dates?)
Look at who's the pot calling the kettle black!

[greenygenie]

02:34 AM on 05/12/2011

I should expound...

This article must be in response to the backlash or response to her book, which seems to perch her own ideas of parenting -- which are archaic and severe -- over the "laid back" preferences of the plebeian American masses. A.K.A. -- the rest of us.

To me, this is "spin".
Shouldn't she just come out and say, rather, "Why don't you tolerate ME, and MY intolerance?"

[jeanrenoir]

09:28 AM on 05/12/2011

And what class are you raising your kids to be part of anyway? Are "the plebeian American masses" overjoyed with their economic lives these days, when Asians have taken away so many of their working-class jobs? Our "plebeian masses" had better wake up and get real. The factories aren't coming back, or if they do, the workers will have to outwork the Asians in the new factories to keep them competitive. The only way to rise above permanent burger flipping in the new world economy is to outstudy the Asians. If you want your kids to have a decent economic future, you've got to force them to work for it in school. If they act like their parents did in school, the plebeians' kids will sink below the plebeian status of their now economically desperate parents.

[MayoGalway]

09:27 PM on 05/11/2011

Family culture represents an element of the Asian-American community that attributes to their success. Asian-Americans have higher rates of HS & college graduation, home ownership, higher median family incomes, and lower rates of divorce and unwed mothers. Do you think that might be because they push their children harder, make greater demands, have higher expectations and thus have better results? The proportion of Asian Americans at many selective educational institutions far exceeds the national population rate. Asian Americans have the highest educational attainment of any racial group. About 49% of Asian Americans have at least a bachelor's degree. Asian people often have the highest math averages in tests such as SAT, GRE etc. Since the 1990s, although verbal scores generally lag, combined SAT scores have also been higher than for white Americans. Asians constitute around 10-20% of those attending Ivy League and other elite universities. ( 5% of USA pop). Asians have the lowest crime, best health, and best academics, lowest rate of placement in foster care, and much of it stems from a high rate of two parent families. They have the lowest rate of teen and unwed pregnancy, lowest rate of divorce, and highest rate of children with 2 parents. Unwed mothers: Black= 72%, NA= 66%, Hispanic= 53%, White= 29%, Asian= 17%.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asian_American
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_Asian_Americans
http://www.arthurhu.com/index/family.htm
http://www.amren.com/mtnews/archives/2010/11/blacks_struggle.php

[Mum]

03:37 AM on 05/12/2011

Google "suicide and depression and young Asian-Americans," and be prepared for a lot of reading material.  One sample, from the site findcounseling.com:

"CNN reports that suicide is the second leading cause of death among Asian-American women age 15 to 24 and these women have the highest suicide rate of any demographic. As early as fifth grade, these young women show the highest rates of depression and suicidal thoughts.  Researchers say family pressure to succeed academically on top of being the perfect daughter and, later, mother are largely to blame. Stereotypes that portray Asians as more intelligent and harder working puts further pressure on these young women who may be further alienated by simply being a minority. For many, depression is passed on be it genetically or by watching the behaviors of mothers who also experienced these feelings. However, in Asian cultures which associate depression with shame, not just for the person who experiences it, but for the whole family, it may be almost impossible to seek help.  The article notes that many of these women did seek counseling but felt they were not understood and believed it would have helped if the counselor were an Asian-American woman. Rather, many found comfort in 'religious faith, herbs, acupuncture, or becoming involved in groups that help other Asian women.'"

[MayoGalway]

11:34 PM on 05/12/2011

Thanks Mum. Despite the successes I highlighted, there had to be a downside to all that hammering and close-knit conformity, yet they pass it on generation after generation. What about the boys? Why are girls particularly vulnerable to the stresses of this pressurized environment? Something deep within the Asian family culture?

[BillMilleryes]

06:41 PM on 05/11/2011

The Chinese simply have higher IQs. In addition, they may have inborn traits of higher conscientiousness which helps with academic work. In America, talk of IQ has become virtually illegal, but in Asia it is well understood and respected.

[BlackJAC]

08:00 PM on 05/11/2011

Wow, you're just a big ole racist, aintcha?

[jeanrenoir]

09:44 AM on 05/12/2011

No. He's just a big ole REALIST. IQ results are IQ results. You can't argue with them. Indians have extremely high aptitude for math and abstract thinking, too. They are the Hungarians of Asia. It's not "racist" to point out that Hungarians have the highest aptitude for math of any Europeans. It's just a fact. Like it or lump it. The problem with Americans is that they are addicted to self-flattering magical thinking. They believe what they WANT to believe, instead of facing reality. For generations, the vast majority of Americans were Europeans with the naive, untested racist assumption that Europeans were superior to all the other peoples of the world, simply because of a few historical accidents that allowed Europeans to leap forward technologically for the past few centuries. But now we've got a technologically level playing field. EVERY race now has access to the same technology, and under those circumstances, the Asians are obviously in the process of BURYING us forever, because there ARE no more Asias out there somewhere to take world dominance away from China and India for the rest of human history. Deal with it: Asians ARE smarter AND they work much harder. Game, set, match. I'm a European-American, of course, alas.

[Thisbeautifulplanet]

01:32 PM on 05/13/2011

Wake up and shake off racial prejudices : there is no such thing as a superior race. The Chinese simply do not have higher IQs.

[Mum]

06:09 PM on 05/11/2011

Isn't Amy Chua's 15 minutes of parenting-expert fame over yet?

[BlackJAC]

06:17 PM on 05/11/2011

Did you hear her backpedaling on how her book was supposed to be along the lines of Erma Bombeck rather than some declaration of her parental superiority?

[Mum]

03:41 AM on 05/12/2011

Yes, I did.  I read it (well, admittedly, I speed-read it), and while its been a long time since I read anything by Erma Bombeck, I seem to remember that I laughed a lot more when reading Bombeck than I did when reading Chua.

[DavidATolucaLake]

04:32 PM on 05/11/2011

If the Chinese way were so great you would not have to live in the United States to lecture about it.

[jeanrenoir]

09:52 AM on 05/12/2011

For another blip of historical time--say the next thirty years--America will be richer than China, so Chua and her kids are better off here for the time being. But a big story our press in USA Today yesterday was the way that Asians trained at MIT, Stanford, Harvard, etc., are now RETURNING to Asia for BETTER economic opportunities. The vast majority of American parents are simply asleep at the wheel these days. They haven't the education or the guts to face the challenges confronting their hapless kids, MADE hapless by the lazy, anti-intellectual parenting they've received in a world that will be TOTALLY dominated by Tiger Moms here and, in ten times greater numbers, in Asia itself.

[BlackJAC]

03:45 PM on 05/11/2011

Unfortunately life isn't all about report cards, Amy.

[Mandles99]

06:07 PM on 05/11/2011

Yeah, but it is about being accountable to others and one's community. 1st generation American communities get this...

[BlackJAC]

06:15 PM on 05/11/2011

And us ninth-generation Americans don't?  So basically, by your own admission, having an illustrious ancestry to live up to encourages laziness?