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Donald Trump To Write An Important Book About Policy As Quickly As Possible

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TRUMOITY TRUMP
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Donald Trump's campaign for president was once the talk of the town, what with all the zany birtherism and the occasional use of the f-word whilst stumping. But then: disaster! This week, Trump's polling numbers all but collapsed under the weight of Seth Meyers' japery and the fact that some actual news of great world importance broke, forcing a mass migration of cameras away from Trump's proximity.

This might have been a good opportunity for Trump to quietly fade back into the world of reality teevee. Instead, he's working hard to win back some attention and keep people interested in his pseudo-campaign. But what to do, what to do? Here's Scott Conroy at Real Clear Politics with the answer:

Reality TV star and real estate mogul Donald Trump is working on a policy book, which Regnery Publishing will release in conjunction with his potential presidential campaign, RCP has learned.

Yes! Of course! Write a policy book. That's something President people do, right?

Regnery intends to place the book on a crash schedule, and it is tentatively set for a late-summer release date.

The book does not yet have a working title.

A "crash schedule," eh? That probably means at this moment, Trump is trumping around Trump Tower, with a passel of Trumpterns scurrying behind him, rapidly writing down all of Trump's policy thought-farts onto steno pads, with an aim toward turning them into sentences, and, with a little luck, paragraphs.

Naturally, Trump's "policy" ideas can stand to be considerably expanded upon. As of right now, the only thing we know for sure is that he intends to keep tricking foreign dictators into signing leases for tents, send Iraq an invoice for all the freedom we gave them (payable in oil), and lob expletives at China to finally bring them to heel. (President Hu Jintao: "We never anticipated, and ultimately could not contend with, the idea that the Americans would send a puffy-faced clown to browbeat us, constantly. Please accept our unconditional surrender.")

Of course, from prior Trump-tomes, we know that the Donald once took a "pro-choice stance," advocated "for a universal health care system and a one-time luxury tax on the wealthy." But we're not supposed to talk about -- or even remember -- that stuff now.

This is my favorite part of the report:

Designed to add some intellectual heft to Trump's light political resume, the book will lay out the New York City businessman's policy prescriptions for the country.

I'm guessing that's intended as a joke? Anyway, look for this book to hit the shelves in late summer. It will be "heavily ghostwritten" and probably have a foreword by Meat Loaf.

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