What I Learned On The Internet: Metal Heads Are Created In The Womb
The Internet is the greatest invention in human history. Well, it's the greatest way to waste time.
But there is valuable information to be gleaned if you know where to look.
For instance, did you know that the soothing "lub-dub, lub-dub" sound that a fetus hears while in the womb is apparently good training to be a metal head?
That can be the only possible explanation for the startling sight seen by Florida-based musicians Jeff and Susan Snow during Susan's ultrasound session. It seems that their unborn child threw up devil horns during the session.
That also explains that the strange sensations Susan felt during her pregnancy: The little nipper wasn't kicking, it was banging its head.
The metal fetus photo can be seen at Oddee.com, which has a whole series of bizarre ultrasound pics, including one of a child who looks destined to become a future Michael Jackson impersonator.
Thanks to The Frisky, I also learned that cheese is being used by fashion students in Bath, England, for dresses and shoes.
The one featured has a white dress that is full of holes. I imagine the shoes would be too, especially after walking a few blocks.
I am all for anything cheesy. In fact, I am listening to "Bobby Sherman's Greatest Hits" this second (no joke -- "Easy Come, Easy Go" is a great song), but Frisky contributor Julie Gerstein doesn't share my aesthetic -- at least where fashion is concerned.
She says the dress makes her want to vomit.
As for me? I'm craving chips with a cheese dress dressing on top.
Remember that story last week about the website dedicated to immortalizing the Facebook postings of people who think the Onion stories are real?
I think the same thing could happen with this feature on Cracked.com that features reader-submitted fake old-timey ads for modern-day products.
Most are politically incorrect (in a very funny way), but the makers of Beano should pay the person who did the fake one in this story and use it for real.
Meanwhile, the folks at Fark.com have some hilarious things to say regarding a Mother Jones article about how Osama bin Laden may have been killed with a bullet coated with pork fat (which, according to Islamic law, would keep him from getting into heaven).
Many of the comments point out the absurdity of the concept, but some Farker went a step further by suggesting using bacon grenades or bandages shaped like bacon.
Mmm, bacon. It goes well with Bobby Sherman.
It also goes well with Girl Scout cookies.
However, what doesn't go well with Girl Scout cookies is blatant theft and burglary, the type of heinous crime that can only be found at Dumb As A Blog. Actually, it might be found elsewhere, but they are the gold standard for stupidity (covering it, I mean. They're not dumb themselves).
The site has a video of a woman explaining why she and her friend decided to steal $150 from a girl scout. Guess what: They got caught. Although one of the bungling burglar's apology was as half-hearted as can be (along the lines of "Sorry, I got caught"), the other thief apparently didn't pay attention during her crime school class because she still believes that she should be able to keep the loot even after being caught.
Hey, do they put Girl Scout cookie thieves in the Lemon Cooler?
Finally, Fortean Times has an article on The Illustrated Police News, a gory newspaper that, in 1886, was voted London's Worst Newspaper thanks to its reliance on ghost stories and very gross and gory illustrations.
The paper was ahead of its time. If it were around now, it might be called AOL Weird News.