Well sir, it looks like you have a, uh, busted valve cap here. I don't mean to throw around the lingo like that, but it's basically just a cap for the uh-- the valve. Ahem. And so all of the air has just been leaking out of this thing for God knows how long. Days, maybe. It's very technical, but what I could do for you is order the part and replace it and it'd be good as new by-- hey! Hey, what are you doing with that thing? HEY SIR, DON'T TOUCH THE TIRE! I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG. YOU'RE AN AMATEUR, YOU SHOULDN'T GO IN ALONE!
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