Iowa Straw Poll: The Official Entertainment And Free Stuff Guide

As Iowans descend on the town of Ames to bravely cast their ballots for the GOP presidential candidate they feel most deserves a momentary fundraising boost from an otherwise meaningless straw poll, it's hard not to marvel at the spectacle of American democracy at work. Amidst barbeque smoke-filled tents hung with red, white and blue, attendees will be guided by the most American of values when casting their votes: freedom, patriotism and getting free stuff.

Candidates realize that the freedom goes down better with a free pulled-pork sandwich and that the light of liberty shines brightest on those wearing an official Tim Pawlenty hockey jersey. So here's your guide to all the free food, swag and entertainment of the 2011 Ames Iowa Straw Poll:

Catch some tunes with Michele Bachmann. After what was surely extensive poll testing and focus group-ing, the Bachmann Campaign plans to draw voters in with the soothing lyrics and chiseled features of country-gospel superstar Randy Travis.

Travis will be joined on stage by country singers Charles Billingsley, Tim Rushlow, and Richie McDonald.

Like your music a little more Fox Newsy? Former Arkansas governor, 2008 Iowa Caucus winner and bass-tastic Fox News personality Mike Huckabee will be jamming on stage at Ames with Herman Cain, Tim Pawlenty and Rick Santorum.

Mmmm, pizza. Even as Herman Cain attempts to lower expectations for his actual vote-getting at Ames, the former fast food mogul will be looking to boost his all-important "Cheesy Deliciousness Index" by handing out free slices of Godfather's Pizza to supporters. No word on deep dish versus thin crust at this point.

Party with Santorum. Now, it's clear what everyone thinks when they first hear of a "Santorum Summer Dance Party," featuring music by The Crickets and The Big Bopper Jr. Why, they ask, would undefeated American values grand champion Rick Santorum ever condone both dancing and rock 'n' roll music? Regardless, this event may feature the best music in Ames.

Pawlenty unleashes a SONICFLOOD.Better jump in your musical ark as Tim Pawlenty continues the worship music theme with Christian rockers SONICFLOOD. The Pawlenty tent will also feature music from Iowa favorites The Nadas, as well as Famous Dave's BBQ and Dairy Queen Blizzards. Don't miss what could be your last chance to wear that T-Paw hockey jersey!

And In Conclusion... Santorum jelly.

Comments

[little old lady]

01:11 AM on 08/13/2011

And, why did I just watch that?
And, why is it now tedious to log into HuffPo directly? I don't want to go through FB or whatever.
sorry if I seem crabby. It think these stories on Iowa seem to be a waste of time on a Friday night with a full moon. going out to howl.

[lakevu]

12:47 AM on 08/13/2011

What a freak show.
Kind of wish I was there, just for the laughs.

[MuchMadness]

12:04 AM on 08/13/2011

Does Rick Santorum yearn a la Don McLean for the days of sock hops?
Some Republicans do seem to pine for the 1950's. Not surprising, really, since that was the last time there was a halfway decent Republican President.

[interlude]

11:57 PM on 08/12/2011

They're all trying to act like humans for a couple of days. It won't last.

[Rufus Leekyn]

11:39 PM on 08/12/2011

Given the memories that santorum's rock bands invoke, tomorrow will definitely be "The Day The Campaign Died." He's setting himself up for a national disaster.

[SeattleHome]

11:18 PM on 08/12/2011

This is all so creepy I'm even shocked!

[jmk6653]

11:12 PM on 08/12/2011

Okay I know Randy Travis - the others I didn't know - my guess is that Randy should be desperate for anyone to watch him perform since he hasn't been in the limelight - I am not too worried about the faithful followers if this is the best she can do

[iconoclast6]

11:31 PM on 08/12/2011

I hear Donna Summer and Andrew Dice Clay are the opening acts...............

[xmontreal]

11:10 PM on 08/12/2011

Willie Sutton, when asked why he robbed banks, replied "because that's where the money is"
The Republicans love to start their Primaries in Iowa because "that's where the stupids are"

[Social Construct]

10:48 PM on 08/12/2011

As a middle-aged citizen where the lure of free food events is strong (analogous to Star Wars' "Force"), I'd gladly attend all the events to get in on all that yummy-ness. Then, when sated, I'd probably have to shower continuously for a week to get all the Tea smell off.

[iconoclast6]

11:03 PM on 08/12/2011

I'd need to soak in a hot tub full of Oxi-Clean.

[sf1000000]

10:42 PM on 08/12/2011

Ok this proves it...the patients have taken over the hospital !!

[owlbreath]

09:19 PM on 08/12/2011

I hope they all go out to view the Perseid shower tonight; now that's free entertainment.

[Targetdog]

08:48 PM on 08/12/2011

Santorum Summer Dance Party...just don't wear white!

[ThinkCreeps]

09:40 PM on 08/12/2011

Foaming fun for all the family.

[iconoclast6]

11:07 PM on 08/12/2011

With the light_and_frothy music of late 70s AM radio!

[James Clarke Howard]

07:25 PM on 08/12/2011

Compare the campaign theme songs.

http://slurvemag.com/magazine/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=755:presidential-campaign-theme-song-picks&catid=222:right-fieldleft-field&Itemid=13

[marywooo]

07:10 PM on 08/12/2011

Let's hear Wasserman at the Iowa state fair on her soapbox...Lot of guts to stand up there and get continually BOOOed.

[whysaduck]

06:44 PM on 08/12/2011

Not to beat a deadhorse but "Party with Santorum"? Oh you mean RICK Santorum, still not my bag.