I know you may not think so right now, but you are One. Bad. Ass.
And yes, you’re a parent. I get it. Being a bad ass was something you may have considered two decades ago. You don’t think of yourself in that way anymore because you have other important things to think about like threadbare socks and whether or not you should start mixing your breast milk with Kefir grains.
But remember that time? When you used to go out at midnight to get a head start on the evening? Now the only way you’re seeing midnight is if one of your kids wakes you up covered in vomit. Or when you used to ‘forget’ your bra as a sassy fashion choice? Now the only way that would make sense is if you’ve injured your neck and can’t risk anything digging into your bandages (and even then it’s probably, no, definitely a bad idea). Don’t do it.
But guess what? You were annoying back then, okay? You drank too much and nobody wanted to look at your nipply bits as much as you were hoping.
You’re really way more of a bad ass now. Know how I know?