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'The Help' And The Lives Of Today's Nannies

The Help Nannies

First Posted: 08/19/11 09:29 PM ET Updated: 10/19/11 06:12 AM ET

The high-profile success of the movie "The Help" has thrust nannies into the center of the American conversation, while projecting the notion that taking care of other people's children amounts to a viable early-stage career opportunity, the first step on the pathway to better things.

But this comes as news to real-life nannies encountered this week in the affluent New York City neighborhood of Park Slope, Brooklyn, where women described their work as just that: a basic job in an American economy that does not have enough of them.

In the movie version of nanny-hood, the African American woman at the center of the narrative, Aibileen, appears destined to become a celebrated novelist. In the real-life version of that experience, women tending to the offspring of wealthier families describe their work pragmatically, in tones of resignation.

"This job is what it's gonna be," said Denise Wilson, who has worked as a nanny for two decades and spoke as she occupied a bench in Prospect Park, while her two-year-old, blonde-haired charge sat at knee level in her stroller, eating Elmo cookies. "And that's fine. It's an honest living."

Despite the mythologies surrounding the life of nannies, their jobs operate at the intersection of the American underground economy and the homes of wealthier people. Many are employed by white collar professionals who work for major corporations, yet most are paid under the table, without health benefits. In an economy marked by high unemployment, nanny jobs continue to provide a steady source of income for thousands of women, yet these positions promise little in the way of advancement and are rife with exploitation, say labor experts.

"These jobs are not good jobs," said Enobong Hannah Branch, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst and author of the forthcoming book "Opportunity Denied: Limiting Black Women to Devalued Work." "They are not jobs that are above the table, with set hours, clear expectations, health insurance, vacation, a process for grievances."

In New York, a law passed by the state legislature last year officially extended myriad labor protections to domestic workers. But many nannies working in the more gentrified areas of New York City are undocumented immigrants from the Caribbean, and many employers pay under the table and are reluctant to renegotiate that arrangement.

Wilson arrived in New York from Tobago when she was 16, two years after her mother, who had moved here to work as a nanny. She did not finish high school and started working as a nanny herself not long after she arrived in the states.

"I didn't come here expecting I would work as a nanny," she said. "I like kids, but I thought I might be a teacher or a nurse."

Wilson has sought the path of upward mobility, aiming at better jobs, but she has failed the GED three times and "tutors are expensive," she said.

She currently looks after two white girls, ages 2 and 7, and didn’t want to say what she’s making but said that it’s about what other nannies make -- between $12 and $14 an hour.

Her days start at home with her own son, who is 13. They have breakfast together in her one-bedroom apartment in Crown Heights -- a "simple" place, she says -- before he is off to band camp and she to the subway, which she rides three stops before walking a few blocks to her boss' home.

It's not a bad commute, she said, although it would be impossible not to recognize the considerable difference in surroundings between where she starts and ends her day. In Park Slope, she said, the people are whiter, the cars are more shiny, the markets more organic, the shops more expensive. Crown Heights, a predominantly black neighborhood (particularly near Wilson's subway stop), is peppered with bodegas, Golden Krust bakeries and West Indian fast-food restaurants.

Wilson has been with this particular family for five years, but has worked for many over the course of two decades.

"It's hard to move from family to family," she said, her voice soft. "It's like losing your own child."

This attachment factor is touched on briefly in "The Help" and is a reality of the job, which Wilson has worked hard to manage. "You try to stay in touch, but then the bond just sort of eases away, and you learn to live with that."

She prepares lunches and snacks for the girls, takes them to their various camp classes and doctor's appointments, parks and playgrounds, and is as close to her employers "as she can be." She does not give the girls dinner or do bath time.

"That's the mom's job," she said. "That's bonding time. I wouldn't want anyone doing that for my son." And yet, invariably, some nights she comes home too late to play that role for her son.

It is rare for Wilson to have this kind of clarity around the expectations of her job, even if it is subject to change. Historically, the set expectation of a nanny or domestic is that there are no set expectations. A last-minute dinner party, a Sunday bridge game, a child with a fever who needs extra care through the night -- nannies are expected to stay, no matter what, sublimating the needs of their own families for those of their employers' families. And this largely continues to be the case today.

"The expectation of the job grows, but the salary does not," said Branch, the sociologist.

"If you ask white people about their nannies, they'll say, 'Oh, she's like a part of the family,' but the familial relationship is not reciprocal," Branch said. "She is part of the family because it is her job to care for her employer's family above all else."

Wilson said she hasn't seen "The Help," and she doesn't have time: When she finishes her days caring for other people's children, she must go home and care for her own.

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The high-profile success of the movie "The Help" has thrust nannies into the center of the American conversation, while projecting the notion that taking care of other people's children amounts to a v...
The high-profile success of the movie "The Help" has thrust nannies into the center of the American conversation, while projecting the notion that taking care of other people's children amounts to a v...
 
 
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06:57 PM on 10/12/2011
Not all nannies have it bad. I went through a nanny agency called www.NannyCare.com and they found me a family that pays me $22/hr for two children (3 & 5) and they also pay me extra for anything over 40 hours week. They give me 2 weeks paid vacation/year, 6 sick days off per year and all main holidays off and paid. They don't give me health insurance but they pay me well enough that I can afford my own plan. I think it's important for nannies to go through agencies because the agencies tell the family exactly what pay rate and benefits they should be offering so that they can't take advantage of the nanny. They also help you negotiate the terms of your agreement with the family. I actually did a nanny contract so that if they start working me more hours, paying me less, adding on more responsibilities then I can pull out my good o'l nanny contract and show them what they agreed to. As a professional nanny, you have to speak up and be forward going into the relationship and always communicate with the parents.
06:06 PM on 08/25/2011
This article is quite skewed.
We have a nanny, and yes, she is paid under the table. This is due in large part to her choice, as well as the fact that it is highly costly to pay over the table the way the current federal system works. She does have healthy insurance already.
We pay her almost twice as much as the hourly salary indicated in this article. She has flexible hours that were agreed to before she started. We always check in with her if we are going to be running even 15 minutes late. She receives 1 week paid vacation for anytime, 2 weeks paid at Christmas, all the holidays we take, paid, plus paid sick leave of a week (which she never takes, so I pay her that at the end of the year). We work with her when she needs other time off- we've never, in two years, said no to any time she needed.
She is wonderful with our daughter, and completely irreplaceable. We absolutely adore her, and there's very little I wouldn't do to ensure her happiness with us and her job.
You are already talking about people with serious problems if they hired a 16 or 17 year old to work as a nanny- I would never, ever do that. My first question would be, "Why aren't you in school?" You can't base the entire industry on a small subset of people employing children to act as maids and nannies.
05:06 PM on 08/25/2011
Part employee, part family member, your nanny is a hybrid in your world. And she’s oh so important to your kids. This is one of the relationships that you really want to do right. What can you do to ensure that your relationship with your nanny is on solid footing?

Communication is Key. From the moment that you have first contact with her, usually in setting up an interview, make sure to communicate clearly your expectations of her and of the relationship. Oral and written communications should consistently be clear. There should be opportunity for dialogue, as she may have questions or feedback that you need to hear and respond to. As her employment begins, train her thoroughly on what you expect. As her employment proceeds, provide her clear, specific feedback on what she’s doing well and what she’s doing that needs to be altered to conform to expectations. Provide consequences as appropriate (pay raises when she’s doing well, and progressive discipline when she is not).
Trust. Your nanny will act on your behalf a great number of times during her employment. Don’t micromanage her. Once you have set expectations and have seen that she complies, then trust her judgment . . . and don’t sweat the small stuff.
09:32 AM on 08/25/2011
This article's is skewed - written to the conclusion that the author began with, rather than trying to give an honest view. Like everyother job, being a nanny has plusses and minuses and there are good bosses, bad bosses, good nannys and less good nannys. I work fulltime. Since I can't be home, I want a wonderful nanny - one who is smart and enjoys the job she has chosen - and I am happy to pay for the privilege. My nanny is paid over the table, makes significantly more than the hourly rate cited in the article, including time-and-a-half for overtime, has defined duties and hours, and gets paid vacation and healthcare. She goes to graduate school at night and we adjust our work hours, so she can do what she wants and we can keep an exceptional nanny for as long as we can juggle the arrangement. When she leaves us, I hope that we will keep in touch, but recognize that our bond will change (as is true of every relationship that goes from daily contact to more sporadic visits). I try hard to be a good boss, she tries hard to be a good nanny, our kids are thriving - we are both happy with the arrangement. Our nanny doesn't feel exploited and is happy to have what we both consider a good job. The author can contact me if she wants to write a follow-up piece about the other side of this coin.
01:19 PM on 08/24/2011
I don't think that the Help (book nor movie) projected "the notion that taking care of other people's children amounts to a viable early-stage career opportunity, the first step on the pathway to better things". At the end of the book, Aibileen has been fired, and she hopes to write, but her future is very uncertain. There is nothing to indicate that any of the other housekeepers have anything but nannie jobs in their future.
12:36 PM on 08/24/2011
I was a Nanny for 14yrs. 11yrs with the same family who were just lovely. I had set start and end times to my day, paid vacation, a car with insurance and help with health insurance. One of them would make sure they were home early two nights a week so I could go to College. I still know a number of women employed as nannies who are making a nice salary (upwards of $50k a year), live in with car and health ins. paid. It's all about finding the right people to work for and laying out expectations from the beginning. The family I worked for used to say "if the nannies happy, everyones happy!" I gave them what they needed and they did the same for me. I have my own children now and my experiences with other peoples children have been invaluable to me.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Brainstormy
Still waiting for the trickle-down.
09:41 AM on 08/24/2011
This writer obviously didn't read the book. Aibilene "destined to become a celebrated novelist."? Not in my copy.
05:24 PM on 08/23/2011
"It's hard to move from family to family," she said, her voice soft. "It's like losing your own child."

Yes. It's also something like losing your own mother.

As a child, I had a live in nurse-maid (she was a Polish refugee in the USA). My mother was not at work, but at home (my younger brother also had a nurse-maid, an English woman). When a kind, attentive person (for 5 or so years) attends affectionately to your needs as a child, there is love. And that love is reciprocal. And then there's loss when the 'job' is over. And that loss is real.

Of course, there could be a lot more to say about the inequities (or not) involved in this kind of work, but I'm just here to say that my Liza made an indelible impression on my heart. As I'm sure do many countless women who care for other's children.

I'm not going to respond to any comment where the intention is to insult/harm me because I grew up in affluence. So don't even bother.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
erinbliss
09:51 AM on 08/23/2011
That's kind of odd. I read The Help when it first came out and I never got the impression it was a book about nannies. I thought it was a book about race relations, maids, housekeepers, civil rights, racism, ignorance and ultimately the triumph of one young woman whose mind had expanded more than the minds of her friends. I never got the impression child care was the main theme of the book as it was hardly mentioned.
02:53 PM on 08/22/2011
I read the book "The Help". The black characters spoke with a deep southern accent, while the white characters had such a hint of an accent that you didn't notice. My mother is from NC and when I was little, she did some work for some families (until she couldn't tolerate the indignities and stopped). She didn't love the work or the families. She has often told me of how bad the children were and the women leaving personal items on the floor for her to pick-up (which she didn't do). With that said, the author did not do any research for this book. She was born in 1969, so everything was done from memory (her grandparents employed "help"). She didn't/couldn't fully understand what these women went through. Most were not enamoured with their work, it was just a way to survive. For those not aware: before the civil rights era, even if blacks had college-education, you still could not gain employment. Some women did this to support their families, as their husbands could not find jobs. Even if jobs were available, these were the only types of jobs that were open to the black population. Back to track, I will wait for this movie to come on cable (since I pay for it anyway) and I did not purchase the book (borrowed from the library - my taxes help to upkeep).
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Brainstormy
Still waiting for the trickle-down.
09:56 AM on 08/24/2011
I'll wait for cable, too. I didn't like the book and don't understand why it was so hyped, but my main concern is with the fact that Stockton plays fast and loose with actual history. (easily documented civil rights events.) Seems that if you're trying to dramatize an actual social condition you wouldn't stray so from the facts.
11:22 AM on 08/22/2011
A nanny is not the same thing as a maid so I think the connection to The Help is superficial.
11:03 AM on 08/22/2011
The book is not just about being nannies. There's more to it.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Each1Teach1
Ignorance is costly
12:32 AM on 08/22/2011
Wilson please check out the library for free tutoring. You can get your GED sweetie, there is help.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
CarlyHope
06:14 PM on 08/21/2011
Look, plenty of nice, normal families need nannies. Americans across the board are working more and more hours, even the ones with nannies. I know women who would LOVE to quit their job, send their nanny packing and be a stay at home mom, but they can't afford to. And while being a nanny isn't perfect, and its obviously dependent on the families, I've had friends nanny and work better hours than me and make twice as much, even though they never went to college and I went to a well known one. This isn't Jackson, Mississippi in the 50s or 60s. Times change and the picture is more nuanced
04:46 PM on 08/21/2011
It's almost comedic that one employee of a nannie would gloss over her description of the duties of the woman she has working for her. It's as if the nannie should feel a sense of entitlement because she's working for this person. It's evident to me that this employer isn't really on the same wavelength as us "common people."