10 Things To Do When Your Friend Marries Someone Who You Know She'll Divorce In A Year

I was delighted to have funny writer Alex Warren share her personal story about watching her best friend marry the wrong guy (if you missed it, read it here). Here's her take on how you should behave at a wedding that you know is headed for disaster - enjoy! -MT



Pre-Divorce Ceremony Etiquette


By Alex Warren


Pre-Divorce Ceremony Etiquette



1. Tell her you don't think it's a good idea.



2. The next day, leave her a voicemail, asking if she's okay.



3. When she doesn't respond to your call, write her an email telling her you've changed her mind, and that no one is lovelier than Charles (or is it Carl?).



4. Show up at the rehearsal dinner in a red dress, with a tan and looking fabulous. (If this is your best friend's wedding, you've probably slept with at least one person there.)



5. Make an honest toast at the wedding. Don't sugarcoat it. Don't go on and on about how great they are for each other. Everyone knows what's up – they'll see through you and think you're an idiot.



6. Enjoy the night for what it is: a $50K high school reunion.



7. Tell her that she looks beautiful.



8. Be there for her when she calls you three months later, confessing through sobs that she made a giant mistake, and asking you why no one tried to talk her out of it.



9. Tell her that if she really doesn't want to be 36 and single, she should hurry up and get a divorce.



10. Tell her the cake was delicious.





Alex Warren lives in New York City.

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Comments

[mombabytiger]

09:12 PM on 10/09/2011

This wasn't "hilarious". It was senseless and poorly written. How does one go about getting a job writing for HP? Are there any qualifying questions? Like, "Can you write?" I think not.

[Targa3141]

05:00 AM on 08/25/2011

Niiiiice. What do your enemies do, given how low all the friends seem to be?

[Jess Domokos]

12:28 AM on 08/25/2011

As someone who is currently going through this and has been estranged from her best friend of 20 years because of the whole situation, I would like to say...

This is not funny. This article sucks. It is horrible and mean and tasteless and a host of other negative adjectives. What a piece of junk.

[he is raging]

05:40 PM on 08/24/2011

is it callous or have I really been out of the loop on what is the current definition of "friend"(?)?

[gracejones1212]

03:49 PM on 08/24/2011

Hahahaha! I love #6!!!