Dear Susan,
My 6-year-old son is an extremely picky eater. He throws fits when I try to get him to taste new foods. His automatic answer is no -- he doesn't even think about it first. I live in another state and am not able to see him as much as I'd like. His mom is a picky eater too and is starting to have health problems because of it. She doesn't push different foods with him. How do I get my son to try new foods and not end up like his mother?
Signed,
Frustrated Dad
Dear Dad,
There are only two areas where a child has the final say: eating and pooping. You cannot force a child to do either, and if you try, you're likely to set yourself up for power struggles.
I agree that it's important for kids to try new foods, and expand their culinary options. But if your son is a picky eater, it's important to avoid turning meal time into a battle zone. Here's my advice:
- Let go of trying to control what his mother does. When you find yourself struggling with righteous indignation towards her, remember that the focus needs to be on what is best for him. If you can remember happier times when you were raising him together happily, keep that image in mind. Children are always harmed when parents are in conflict, no matter how justified it may seem. While I can imagine it's terribly frustrating to not have as much contact with your little boy as you would like, focus on building a strong connection with him when he is with you. If he gradually expands his gustatory horizons with you and continues to be a "mono-eater" with his mom (eating only a few things), find a way to be okay with that. The more you try to make his mom go along with your agenda--even if it's in your son's best interest--the more likely she'll resist it. Nobody likes to be told what to do; especially former spouses.
The dinner table is one of the best places to gather as a family, even if the family consists of just the two of you. Transform this time into a sweet chance to connect, talk, play guessing games, or share interesting things about your day. My friend Laurie David has a wonderful book, The Family Dinner, with lots of ideas for making great family food. And keep an eye on the Huff Post Family Dinner Table Talks for kid-friendly conversation starters that will help make mealtime one of your son's favorite times of the day.
Yours in parenting support,
Susan
Parent Coach, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon. Sign up to get Susan's free parenting newsletter.