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Baby Products You Don't Need: 11 Useless Baby 'Essentials'

First Posted: 09/12/11 08:51 AM ET   Updated: 11/12/11 05:12 AM ET

The moment your pregnancy test shows positive, the list of "needs" in your life suddenly shifts -- and grows and grows and grows. You may find yourself lost in the aisles of Buy Buy Baby, certain you won’t be able to live without every last high-end baby monitor, super swaddle and BPA free bottle on the shelves. The truth is -– and we know you know this, deep down -– there are only a few essentials, and once you become a parent, you won't have time for the extras. Herewith, the un-registry, a list of products we think are really good for one thing: a great big laugh.

Have a look, then tell us if you agree by voting or leaving a note in the comments!

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  • Prenatal MP3 Player

    <strong>If you're thinking...</strong> The surefire way to send baby to an Ivy League school is by playing Mozart through $100 wearable speakers. <strong> Remember...</strong> Singing. It's free. Also, uplifting. (via <a href="http://www.thinkgeek.com/geek-kids/newborn-infant/b723/?cpg=cj&ref=&CJURL=&CJID=2511918" target="_hplink">thinkgeek.com</a>)

  • Designer Barf Bags

    <strong>If you're thinking... </strong>Oh, right, I need to look CHIC while I feel worse than my last hangover. <strong>Remember... </strong>A bag draped in diamonds won't cure you. Ginger ale, saltines and - with luck -- the second trimester will. (via <a href="http://www.morningchicnessbags.com/" target="_hplink">morningchicnessbags.com</a>)

  • The Peekaru

    <strong>If you're thinking... </strong>It's like a Snuggie. Who doesn't love a Snuggie? <strong>Remember... </strong>Snuggie-mania is over. And your baby will stay just as warm if you pull a fleece jacket around your longer-lasting, easier-to-use, Ergo. (via <a href="http://www.togetherbe.com/productDescriptionPeekaruOriginal.aspx" target="_hplink">togetherbe.com</a>)

  • The Hair Bib

    <strong>If you're thinking... </strong>Spaghetti sauce, you've met your match. <strong>Remember... </strong>There's a reason why God invented bath-time. (via <a href="http://www.crumbcap.com/" target="_hplink">crumbcap.com</a>)

  • Over-The-Door Baby Hanger

    <strong>If you're thinking... </strong>When you gotta go, you gotta go. <strong>Remember... </strong>Your arms. Babies like to be in them. (via <a href="http://www.mommysentials.com/item_10/The-BabyKeeper-Basic.htm" target="_hplink">mommysentials.com</a>)

  • Baby Perfume

    <strong>If you're thinking... </strong>My baby spits up and passes gas and has unbelievable blowouts. <strong>Remember... </strong>A. Join the club. B. Have you never smelled a baby's head? There's your perfume, people. via <a href="http://minipompom.com/Fragrances_c9.htm" target="_hplink">minipompom.com</a>)

  • Baby Bathrobe

    <strong>If you're thinking... </strong>Oh how cute! <strong>Remember...</strong> It's just another step, cut out the middle man and go straight to PJs. (via <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Hooded-Bathrobe-Applique-Cotton-Treated/dp/B003LMZFX6/ref=sr_1_22?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1315596601&sr=1-22" target="_hplink">Amazon.com</a>)

  • Padded Baby Helmet

    <strong>If you're thinking... </strong>She's going to hurt herself. <strong>Remember... </strong>Of course she is. That's why you baby proof the house, don't house proof the baby. (via <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Jolly-Jumper-Bumper-Toddler-Cushion/dp/B003KVWKZO" target="_hplink">amazon.com</a>)

  • My Pee Pee Bottle

    <strong>If you're thinking... </strong>Kiddo loves when something is <em>his</em>. <strong>Remember... </strong>It's potty training, not bottle training. (via <a href=" http://www.mypeepeebottle.com/" target="_hplink">mypeepeebottle.com</a>)

  • The Time-Out Pad

    <strong>If you're thinking... </strong>I might forget someone's in Time Out without a timer and flashing lights... <strong>Remember...</strong> Kitchen timers. iPhone alarms. And, your child... he's right over there in the corner. (via <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Time-Out-Pad-HD015-Blue/dp/B001IMG5WG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1311202570&sr=8-1" target="_hplink">amazon.com</a>)

  • The Baby Mop

    <strong>If you're thinking... </strong>Move over, Swiffer. <strong>Remember... </strong>What the Swiffer pads look like after you clean up. (via <a href="http://inventorspot.com/articles/get_baby_ready_housework_11326" target="_hplink">inventorspot.com</a>)

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The moment your pregnancy test shows positive, the list of "needs" in your life suddenly shifts -- and grows and grows and grows. You may find yourself lost in the aisles of Buy Buy Baby, certain you ...
The moment your pregnancy test shows positive, the list of "needs" in your life suddenly shifts -- and grows and grows and grows. You may find yourself lost in the aisles of Buy Buy Baby, certain you ...
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03:11 AM on 10/27/2011
The peekaru looks like a second evil head popped out of it.... didn't that happen in 'Alien'??
05:32 PM on 09/16/2011
You missed the mark on the peekaru. It's not a baby carrier. It is actually a coat you wear over that long lasting ergo carrier. It has a long zipper on the side so it's easy to put on over you and baby. And the picture you posted is just on of the ways it can be used. Most people use it with the opening to the back so they can wear it over a child in an ergo or other carrier being worn on their back. If you have ever worn a child in a Carrier in your back you would know it is impossible to put a regular fleece vest or jacket on over top.
05:05 PM on 09/16/2011
I have and use the Time Out pad--it is a great invention, and has worked for us so well.
04:10 PM on 09/16/2011
Well the Peekaru serves a purpose. Those of us who babywear which is the preferred method of transporting your child use this because its easier than carrying them in our arms plus they get to keep warm.
01:56 PM on 09/16/2011
Seriously, these products were invented for moms who cannot be bothered with parenting. Donning a full-on rainsuit for mealtimes will just ensure that your child will be wearing one to college. LOL! How about taking the time to teach the baby how to put the fork in its mouth and that's how they learn. The pee-pee bottle is just . . . there are no words. Why in the world would someone want to keep their child's pee-pee?!?!?!?! Perfume for babies? OY!!!
01:15 AM on 09/15/2011
I've never seen any of these things, but hey, my kids are grown. I suppose since I deprived them of these modern wonders, they'll have "issues." Next thing you know, they'll be on the bell tower with a rifle......
09:20 PM on 09/14/2011
I might use #4, it would make meal times easier, but the baby perfume?!?! That is just wrong!! I love my babies smell and wouldn't dream of covering it up!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
allianceae
Tell the truth and short memory is no problem.
07:58 PM on 09/13/2011
Pic on the Welcome Screen is just too creepy. Reminds me of mutant in Total Recall. Yuck!!!
07:56 PM on 09/13/2011
So I can see the use for number 7. The robe. I work in a pool and it is nice to have a robe to wrap your kid in so he/she doesn't get cold going from the pool to the locker room to the shower. However, for home use, I don't see the point.
07:46 PM on 09/13/2011
Okay - The Peekaru is the creepiest thing ever. Why would you want to walk around with a face popping out of your chest? Carry the kid and put a coat on him, already. As for the mop it is pretty cool and funny but it's still ridiculous.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
see-ellen2001
09:06 PM on 09/13/2011
It's like Alien, but cute, and friendly. Maybe...
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Jamiinvegas
If morale doesn't improve beatings will continue
07:39 PM on 09/13/2011
The CRUMB CAP is GENIUS ! If you have kids you know that as soon as you get them clean food is magically attracted to their hair at the following meal. GENIUS I say I want one for my kid !
07:38 PM on 09/13/2011
This outfit reminds me of the movie "ALIEN". When the monster rips through the chest.
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07:32 PM on 09/13/2011
OMG!!! I thought it was something from Alien!
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06:54 PM on 09/13/2011
HAHAHAHA!! Luv the Peekaru sweater! Maybe moms can teach their babies to say "Quaaaiiid..start the reactor...."
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
s5cat2dog
I am unique, just like everyone else.
06:54 PM on 09/13/2011
Ewwww, a child suffocating in his mom's stink.