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The CNN Tea Party Debate: HuffPost Comedy Live Blog

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TEA PARTY DEBATE
AP

There's absolutely no way that tonight's Tea Party Debate isn't going to be amazing, so we'll be here live blogging the whole thing, providing important commentary on what the candidates are wearing, and breaking down their arguments with our own sketchy facts. For instance, did you know that every time Jon Huntsman smiles a little kid finally masters riding a bike? It's true.

Follow along with us in the live blog below.

live blog

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This is apparently the talent portion of the debate. Creativity counts!

Also, Bachmann, the White House probably has a copy of the Declaration Of Independence already.

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Perry is talking, Romney is staring a hole through him, Bachmann is thinking about Tony, wondering where he is, what he is thinking, is he thinking of me, and if he'll ever return some day.

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For all your fencing needs.

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Simmer down on the stingers when you come back from commercial. I just went hysterically deaf.

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Just kidding.

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Romney thinks insured Americans buy medical procedures like they're shopping at the duty free.

Ron Paul thinks that freedom means letting uninsured people die if they accidentally get cancer. He also thinks it means doctors should be able to practice whatever they want.

Michele Bachmann is so against Obamacare she can't answer a question about healthcare policy.

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Except in cases of convicted criminals who might actually be innocent.

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"I would never want to belong to any club that would have me as a member... but I would want to be president of it."

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Obamacare, Obama-conomy, Obama-depression... Republicans name more things after Obama than they do after Reagan.

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You might not know this if you aren't currently on a Virgin America flight -- like us -- but Michele Bachmann is dressed like our flight attendants. Sensible, eye-catching, quick with drinks... that's what WE want in a president.

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It's creepy. Like, seriously creepy.

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"And I said, 'Let's do this.' And then someone else said, 'You can't do that.' "And I said, 'Why?' "Cause I said so." "Who are you?" "I'm you." "Me?" "Yes, you." "Me? I'm Herman Cain." "I know." "Who are you and what do you know?" "I'm Herman Cain." "No, I'm Herman Cain." "Who's Herman Cain?" "I own pizza." "I love pizza." "You want to get some pizza?" "Yes, let's get some pizza."

"And that's why I should be president. Cain out!"

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Every time Mitt Romney says "Sosal Security," hold the tip of your tongue in an ice cold glass of Jack and Coke, then chug and say, "She sells seashells by the seashore," as many times as you can before you pass out.

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We're HuffPost Comedy and the one thing you need to know about us is that when we were 5-years-old we got our first bike, and we struggled long and hard to figure out how to ride it, but once we did we realized we could master any task, overcome any hardship, and that's why we founded our own portion of a Web site, so we could bring, you, the people, all of the cat videos -- and to a lesser extent -- dog videos, as well as all the slideshows you can stand, and that's who we are... in a nutshell.

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He might have an emotion at some point... watch out.

Also, he just got in a plug for the Situation Room, since this is probably the first time Tea Party folk have ever tuned into CNN.

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If there aren't at least 7 holograms in this debate, CNN will have disappointed us completely.

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They probably aren't doing it from a plane 30,000+ feet above the ground -- unlike us -- but what they lack in bravery, we're sure they'll make up for in lots of bawdy puns. Follow their live blog here.

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