Kutcher, who we do know is playing Walden Schmidt, broken-hearted internet billionaire, appeared on "Conan" Thursday night and non-discussed the non-details he's not permitted to tell the world. Both he and wife Demi Moore had to sign confidentiality agreements, he said, calling the whole process "pretty intense."
He's a bit frustrated and afraid the audience won't like it, but is still hopeful that the secretive nature of the show won't hold back laughs. Kutcher did admit that he's hoping some of Charlie Sheen's angel dust was left on the stage -- wait, did he mean pixie dust?! -- and can be a billionaire in real life.
The star also discussed his marriage with Moore -- and how they haven't been able to get their own Brangelina-type nickname. Dashton? Kuchmore? Either way, not as good as Candy, which is Conan and Andy.
Also up for discussion: his trailer. Which, if you haven't heard, is pretty big.