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Who's Happier: Single Or Married Women?

Single Vs Married

The Huffington Post   First Posted: 09/21/2011 1:11 pm Updated: 11/20/2011 5:12 am

Happiness is notoriously hard to quantify, but that hasn't stopped many people over the years from trying to answer this question: Are single women or married women more content?

And while the jury's still out, we do know more than ever about life on both sides of the coin.

It's clear that marriage doesn't have the chops it once did. According to the U.S. Census Bureau the percentage of married people is on a steady decline, from 72 percent in 1970 to just 48 percent this year. And perceptions of marriage have changed too. A CBC News poll found that 7 in 10 Americans said the institution of marriage is weaker now than 20 years ago.

We have good reason to think less of marriage now: Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers' seminal 2009 University of Pennsylvania study "The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness" found that marital happiness has declined for both men and women over the last 35 years, and as psychologist Gregory M. Herek told WebMD, marital dissatisfaction not only affects spouses' emotional wellbeing but can also cause negative health effects. Reinforcing the case against marriage is the fact that U.S. divorce rates, though they have leveled in recent years, are still sky high.

In many ways, staying single makes sense, especially for women. Legally, women who choose to forgo marriage have all of the same rights married women do, aside from a few tax breaks, and personally, they're free of the stress and compromise marriage inevitably involves. Even reproduction, the fulfillment of that evolutionary imperative, can now be accomplished without a partner. And statistics show that a whole lot of women are taking the single route -- receiving higher education, entering the workplace and earning money without a fiance or spouse in site.

Yet there are still compelling reasons for women to marry. Some research suggests that marriage can benefit your health. One CDC study found married people are less likely to smoke, drink heavily or suffer psychological troubles. (It's worth pointing out, however, that these health benefits are the product of relationships in general -- platonic or not.) Being an unattached single woman can mean you have more time with your friends -- which has health and happiness benefits too.

Unmarried women fare worse financially in retirement, and then there is the huge, white-veiled elephant in the room: the enormous lingering societal pressure on women to marry.

One recent study suggests that unmarried women are unhappy not because they are single but because society doesn't approve of their singleness.

The study, presented at the British Sociological Association annual conference in April, measured the happiness levels of 22,000 married and unmarried people from around the world. From the Telegraph:

Countries with a strong, traditional view of marriages, such as America, Bulgaria, Brazil and Mexico were places where the correlation between cohabiting [as opposed to marriage] and unhappiness was strongest … Controversially, they suggest that not being married leads to women being "pitied and looked down upon".

In the U.S., that traditional view of marriage, and the wedding industrial complex that profits off of it, now have a powerful marketing platform in every cable network targeting women (five words: "Say Yes To The Dress"). Women who call off their engagements speak to the enormous difficulty of waiting for a person you really want to spend your life with, and refusing to settle for an unsatisfactory relationship.

And then there is evidence that marital status doesn't impact happiness all that much. From WebMD:

One study tracking 1,000 couples for 15 years found that marriage brought only a "tiny blip" of happiness during the brief time closest to the wedding ceremony. "But on average, afterwards, people go back to way they were before. The researcher's perspective is that we each have a baseline of happiness, and marriage on average isn't going to change that -- except for that little blip," [psychologist Bella] DePaulo says.

What do you think?

Quick Poll

All factors considered, who's happier: married women or single women?

Married

Single


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Happiness is notoriously hard to quantify, but that hasn't stopped many people over the years from trying to answer this question: Are single women or married women more content? And while the jur...
Happiness is notoriously hard to quantify, but that hasn't stopped many people over the years from trying to answer this question: Are single women or married women more content? And while the jur...
 
 
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05:20 AM on 09/29/2011
Meghan. Fair enough. But, a problem I see too much of is women (and in this case, you) trying to push other women in to this career-driven, single and powerful models. Marriage isn't about the tax-breaks you get, or the stress, it's about two people who *love* each other, who are willing to work together to build a home, joining together in matrimony for life. Because, have a look at what you wrote. You haven't even mentioned the word "love" once. You seem to forget why people actually get married. People get married, hopefully, when they fall in love. This Sex In the City mentality of valuing only sex and money is ridiculous. There's no natural affection.

Personally, I've always looked forward to getting married because my parents instilled this in to me. You mentioned the "evolutionary imperative" which is really quite sadistic, how about looking forward to raising a strong family, with your values and passing on your genes? This article does not gel with me well, I just hope other women aren't buying this nonsense.
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Still Posting
FOX: Devolving their viewers since 2002.
11:06 AM on 09/27/2011
What seems strange to me are all the articles, pronouncements and declarations about how bad marriage is and how great and happy they are without it.

If I don't like hockey, but I don't need to write articles about how bad it is. I don't need to corner my friends and discuss for hours how bad it is. I don't need to sit on television talk shows and talk about how bad it is. I simply don't like it, so I don't watch it.

If I went around ranting and writing everyday about how bad hockey is, people would wonder why I keep talking about it. Why not just let it go. Why this obsession with the subject that I don't need in my life.
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02:42 AM on 09/27/2011
Can any of you regulars explain to me why HuffPo hates marriage? It seems every article I read here is about the joys of single hood and the perils of marriage.They even have a regularly updated section on divorce, but none on marriage.

Not that I disagree with HuffPo completely, the farce that modern marriage has become and the misandry of the family court system certainly are discouraging. While I've been happily married for 27 years (my wife too, according to her), I can't say I recommend it for our children.

Still it seems the "educated class" that frequents here can't wait to be out-birthed by the "under-privileged".
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02:48 PM on 09/26/2011
A woman is happier if she gets wants she wants, and it doesn't back fire or blows up in her face or comes back to haugnt her. But for most, because of their intentions, is likely to happen.
01:40 PM on 09/26/2011
I feel theres another side of the coin thats missing. I'm 29 and have been single for almost my entire life and I'm miserable. And it's not because "society doesn't approve of me". In fact with articles like this, I feel more and more that it's not acceptable to want to be married or in a committed relationship. Who wants a support a system or a supportive, nurturing relationship when you can have money with no one to spend it on, education that you'll be paying off until you're dead and a job thats high powered and still makes you dream of retirement every waking moment. A lot of people here have already been married and are now later in their lives. You've already been blessed to know what it's like to have someone love and care for you, and to have at least the opportunity to have children in a family unit. WIth more and more negativity towards the institution of marriage, its becoming harder and harder now a days to find a partner willing to commit and its people like me that still do put value on it that are suffering. If you're too selfish to care for any one but yourself, then do you. But don't ruin it for those of us who have already figured out that there is more to life than a large bank account, sleeping around and a lot of student loans.
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Targa3141
04:45 PM on 09/26/2011
An empowered single woman in control of her sexuality is a Feminist Warrior, stalwart and true!!!

A beaten down Housewife/Slave is a tool of The Patriarchy, embracing a lifestyle that is antifeminist and sexist.

Please report to the nearest Women's Studies Center for a refresher course on doublegood newspeak that comports with the correct way of life.
05:06 PM on 09/26/2011
I'm no expert on women's studies, but I'm pretty sure that feminism isn't about all of that. It's about having a choice and equal rights under the law....I think so, anyway. There's nothing wrong with marriage if both people want to get married and treat each other with love and respect. Marriage =/= "beaten down housewife."
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mass maritimer
The cake is a lie
08:03 AM on 09/26/2011
Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life.

George Carlin
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myviewsofnow
11:49 PM on 09/29/2011
Then given the OTHER 4.9 out of 10 marriages and you know what the grownups are talking about. BTW I LOVED George Carlin
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fireart
I got mine the hard way.
12:30 AM on 09/26/2011
It is those freedom loving women that like to take their companionship when ever they want is the reason so many marriages are on the rocks. When I was married it was nothing to have some woman married or single to ask me out. After I lost my wife the married ones stopped. The single ones wanted to go on lavish trips with me. Ha!!! So I went on the trip by myself , had a great time. There were always plenty of those women looking for a leg up. There are solid women out there, most arent American.
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fireart
I got mine the hard way.
12:17 AM on 09/26/2011
I was married for 45 years when my wife died of lung cancer. She had never been around smoke FYI . Friends started pushing women in my direction as if I had to be married. I found that almost all were bitter and selfish. The younger ones wanted my credit card and would do anything to get it. What ever happened to make these women this way is a crime. Soo I decided that if you can make yourself happy by baiting the mouse trap with a credit card why bother with a perm. relationship. No need to put up with boredom. I sure miss the chase of the 1950' s.
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Palaver
Men make laws, but the people follow custom.
01:54 PM on 09/25/2011
I agree. Women don't need men to be happy. As the ranks of happy single women grows, the societal pressures should ease off. Though, without reproduction, without children, society won't have to pressure these women. The "single gene" will be heavily selected against after enduring its captive life support through traditional marriage.

However, men need women... to properly socialize them against violence and crime. Also, legalize prostitution. Keep the average woman innocent. Because of early and unsavory experiences with men, some women become the "unmarrying kind". This goes for men too, who sometimes treat normal women like prostitutes.
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Targa3141
01:38 AM on 09/26/2011
Yes, men are barbaric savages, soothed and domesticated only when influenced by women.

Why do we keep these vile beasts in society? When will they be rounded up and dealt with?
06:11 AM on 09/26/2011
Haha hate men much?
Read Goldstein's book on War and Gender, I highly recommend it. It defeats many conventional wisdom about the ragged, brusque nature of men and women's daintiness. It all comes down to socialization. I don't know what kind of men you meet, but the type I do (mostly from middle-class families with decent education levels and life prospects) are not laden with this violent nature you claim. Men's purported toughness is a consequence of social expectation, given generations of selection for the toughest men who will outcompete other men in war and physical labor. Nowadays, men don't need to be violent or strong to succeed in life, that is a vestige of pre-industrial societies. Nowadays, men need to be more like women: intuitive, concerted, expressive, and introspective in order to succeed.
IF you believe are being treated like a prostitute, I suggest you visit a whorehouse and actually meet one. They are some of the most powerful, vicious women I have ever met. They're not the demure, timid women who get pushed around by men. Those are the "innocent" ones.
09:53 PM on 09/24/2011
Happiness? I pursue fulfillment. Happiness is welcome to follow, but I don't wait for it.
02:02 PM on 09/24/2011
As a single woman, I think we all want companionship at one level or another. But quite honestly...I am so sick of HP printing articles that trash marriage, encourage infidelity or at the very least justify it. Its just not healthy for anyone in a relationship or contemplating a relationship to hear all the negative stuff constantly. Marriage is great if that is what one wants, singleness is great if that is what one wants, living together is great if that is what one wants...........
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MasterKat
Because I'm more American than you.
12:16 PM on 09/24/2011
You know the reassuring saying: "There are no stupid questions"? Well, this is a stupid question. It might be better to ask "Does marriage make women happier?" But some women are in good marriages, some women are in bad marraiges, some unmarried women are in happy relationships, some are in unhappy relationships, and some are happy being by themselves, and some are unhappy in the same circumstances. It's so particular to the individual that the question "Who's happier: single or married women?" is basically meaningless.
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Venicelady
Ignorance is NOT bliss.
11:53 AM on 09/24/2011
Many of the women I know that are divorced or widowed have said that they would NEVER get married again.

Same for me- been there, done that. Put me in the :"I'm glad to be single camp".
09:21 AM on 09/24/2011
Because of the way boys are raised to believe that "what boys and men say or do are more important than what girls and women say or do", I think finding a man who treats his woman as "very special" and always will, is one chance in a million; therefore, I believe single women are happier than married women.

It seems to me, in order for a marriage to work one partner in a marriage has to be a follower while the other partner has to be a leader and usually over time during the course of their marriage, the follower changes in personality and becomes more like the leader. In marriages where both partners are treated as equals, they tend to have alot more disagreements (some people call it fights) with each other unless the both partners have alot in common with alot of common goals and common values in life.
12:45 AM on 09/24/2011
I look at my parents' marriage of 70 years, and it is interesting that I always thought they either didn't get along or were somewhat indifferent to each other, certainly not happy, but in their later years it became apparent that whatever relationship they had had developed into real love. When my mother died, my father was devastated. He lived only a few months following her death. I don't think people are any longer willing to tough it out like they did.
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myviewsofnow
11:52 PM on 09/29/2011
I think my parent's marriage is headed this way, scares me AND makes me hopeful that there may be somebody ?