What Do I Say If My Child Has ADHD?

Have a loved one diagnosed with depression? Cancer? The thought of talking to that person can be scary and awkward. What do you say? What is polite, appropriate, helpful?

“What Do I Say” is an original video series that answers these questions on an ongoing basis.

ABOUT DR. TIMOTHY VERDUIN

Dr. Timothy Verduin is the Clinical Director of our Institute for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity and Behavior Disorders and a Clinical Assistant Professor of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at the NYU School of Medicine. He directs the Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) service, a research-supported parent training program offered by teams and individual psychologists. He also leads our Behavioral School Consultation Service, through which we offer school observations, consultation, and behavior management training for teachers, aides, paraprofessional "shadows," and Special Education Itinerant Teachers (SEITs).

Comments

[NOLAguitarboy]

04:23 PM on 10/06/2011

I like what the BPS has to say about the whole ADHD concept.

"The British Psychological Society said in a 1997 report that physicians and psychiatrists should not follow the American example of applying medical labels to such a wide variety of attention-related disorders: 'The idea that children who don’t attend or who don’t sit still in school have a mental disorder is not entertained by most British clinicians.'"

It should be noted that in the rest of the world, using drugs to treat ADHD is only used in extreme cases. In the US guidelines, drug are recommended in nearly all cases.

[LeahFaith]

12:09 PM on 10/05/2011

I hate that diagnosis "ADHD". My husband was diagnosed as a child and given drugs to keep it under control. Because of this he never learned his true potential and used the diagnosis as a crutch for years! He's 31 now. When we first met (4 years ago) he used to say all the time why he couldn't do something or why he hated something and blamed his "ADHD". It wasn't the disease, it was the fact that he never learned to try to do something. He doesn't do that anymore and he's doing things now that a couple of years ago would of been impossible. The drugs for ADHD aren't a cure, they don't do anything but masked symptoms. If you son or daughter has ADHD the best thing you can do for them is therapy and teach them how to cope and over come. Not drug and ignore.

[onwisconsin]

09:33 PM on 10/05/2011

The best thing you can do is actually to work with a therapist or counselor to help your child learn and utilize coping skills AND consider medication if necessary. ADHD meds do not mask symptoms. They allow the ADHD brain to focus on what is necessary and not all of the other things that bombard us. The drugs are not a cure, nor are coping skills really. It is a condition that takes time to understand and support. Poor approaches to it create issues such as your husbands where children are not taught to take control of their condition and instead see it as something that will always limit them. I'm very sorry he got such poor treatment.

Good treatment allows the ADHDer to take responsibility for themselves, use meds appropriately if he/she needs them, and live a productive life.

I have ADHD and I am a successful academic. I am a 45 year-old wife and mother of 3 who has had ADHD my entire life. I use medications when I need to during the work week. Other than that, I use them when I need to write clearly and concisely.

Unless you have spent years studying ADHD, its effects on young children, adolescents, and adults, you cannot definitively tell anyone not to consider medication for their children. People have to do the research and make choices for themselves.

[LeahFaith]

10:18 AM on 10/06/2011

I'm sorry sir but you are a drug addict in my book. The last adult I met who had "ADHD" was a chain smoker with a pot a day coffee habit. He swore that the only way he could sleep was with the drugs. I told him to take a break from his other habits.
Can I ask you sir, what chemically is wrong with children with ADHD? How does a stimulant fix that problem? Have you ever been tested for that chemical impbalance? I've taken ADHD drugs myself and have never been more focused and gotten more done, but I am not ADHD. The fact is, the drugs do the same for everyone with or with ADHD becuase they are just that, drugs.

[LeahFaith]

10:25 AM on 10/06/2011

" Ritalin is a Schedule II substance under the Controlled Substances Act. Schedule II drugs, which include cocaine and methamphetamine, have a high potential for abuse. Abuse of these drugs may lead to severe psychological or physical dependence.
"http://www.justice.gov/ndic/pubs6/6444/index.htm

[Steven Barnes]

11:27 AM on 10/05/2011

Personally, I say that he's a hunter in a world increasingly dominated by farmers.

www.diamondhour.com

[Ayla87]

11:17 AM on 10/03/2011

To Quote Carlos Mencia:

"ADD is a BS disease that they made up in the 80's for your messed up kids who are 'Durrrr' and you don't want to admit it..."

[WI Dude]

08:28 AM on 10/04/2011

Why would you quote a comedian about ADHD? Do you think it's a made-up and non-existent aliment?

[Ayla87]

12:33 PM on 10/04/2011

Just because it's funny doesn't mean it isn't true. And yes for the most part I think AD(H)D is one of the biggest scams the pharmacological industry could ever perpetuate. 9 times out of ten, the children who show signs of AD(H)D are usually just obnoxious undisciplined brats with too much sugar in their blood stream. In the rare instances where the symptoms are legit, there is usually something more going on, such as bipolar disorder.

[mmkay]

08:07 PM on 10/02/2011

Can you hear me now?

[Caryn Banker]

09:02 PM on 10/02/2011

YES!

[mass maritimer]

03:14 PM on 10/02/2011

say no to the Kidney and liver killing drugs!!!!

Say no to medication.

[Toonguy]

08:54 AM on 10/05/2011

And reduce the surplus population.

[kinogod]

10:30 AM on 10/02/2011

Instead of the westrn med plan of Rxrxrx, turn to a plant based diet, no sugar or dairy, no television or video games.

[Toonguy]

08:58 AM on 10/05/2011

You do realize that ADHD has existed long before TV and video games, don't you? These devices (and others) are the distractions. If they suddenly vanished tomorrow, along with every other electronic convenience, the people with ADHD would be staring at grass, flowers, trees, etc.

[onwisconsin]

09:36 PM on 10/05/2011

Apparently you haven't read much about ADHD.

http://www.addvance.com/

Look at the peer reviewed studies.

[annadams]

10:13 PM on 10/01/2011

How many women with children with ADHD drank Diet Soft Drinks while pregnant or nursing? Did you child also drink Diet Soft Drinks? Aspartame (Nutra Sweet/Equal) have been correlated with Autism and ADHD. Ask yourself this question. No need to answer on this comment. Then Google, and go down several pages, to see links between ADHD and Aspartame.

[SithRose]

01:06 AM on 10/03/2011

Minor technical difficulty: Happens in kids whose mothers never touched the stuff when pregnant. I can't ingest Aspartame. Not unless I want to be flat on my back for 2 days with a screaming migraine. And artificial sweeteners are VILE and not fit for human consumption.

Genetic link, though. Try looking at that. And no, my child does not drink diet soft drinks...or any soft drinks, except as a VERY rare treat.

[Toonguy]

08:59 AM on 10/05/2011

There are examples of cases long before those beverages and ingredients were invented.

[SgtMom]

01:24 PM on 10/01/2011

My son has ADHD, as I did, and my father, and probably his mother.

I say EMBRACE it!

I remember driving down the street with my 16 year old son who happily declared "I LOVE having ADD! I think of stuff nobody else does!"

I was severely beaten, rejected, scorned and shamed for being "different", inattentive, impulsive and not "getting it" with the rest of the herd. I've lived most of my life trying unsucessfully to hide it.

Although I didn't understand what it was, I was determined to raise my son with love and acceptance. Instead of punishing him, I encouraged his positive quirks and thinking outside the box.

It paid off big time.

It isn't a "problem", an affliction, or a disease. It's a gift when channeled into creativity and positive self esteem.

If you look at a list of those who probably had ADD you will find names like Thomas Edison and Albert Einstein. Prisons are full of those misdiagnosed and misdirected.

Appreciate, don't medicate.

[onwisconsin]

04:11 PM on 10/01/2011

Please be aware that your son's condition is a spectrum disorder. His case may be much more mild than my own or my niece's. In order for us to be successful, we need those medications. I had a childhood of no meds because my parents worried that the meds would have long-term consequences (there was no research base at the time for girls on the meds long-term). They chose to not medicate me and I understand their reasons and respect them. However, knowing what they know now about the safety of the meds and also knowing how miserable my childhood and adolescence was, they would choose to medicate now. I could not cope with the social world at all. I was bullied by other kids and by teachers. I had zero self esteem and was suicidal. My one saving grace was that I was an excellent musician. Don't get me wrong, I was a 4.0 student. I simply could not relate at all to my peers in any way and that left me incredibly vulnerable. At 21 I made the decision to start meds. There was an immediate change in my life though regaining my self esteem took a decade. At 45, I know when and how to use meds to help me live the life I want. I do what I perceive as important work that actually impacts children's experiences in schools.

So, appreciate - yes -- AND medicate when needed.

[SgtMom]

07:32 PM on 10/01/2011

Please be aware that I in no way described my son's condition enough for anyone to be making snap diagnoses.

You may choose better living through phychotropic drug, while others may find it through accomodating a perfectly natural and NORMAL human condition.

As one author wrote back in the day : If we were all free to climb coconut trees and live freely all day, there would be no diagnoses of ADD or ADHD.

EVERYone has bad experiences with this. I fully believe most abused children are probably ADD as are their parents.

You can drug yourself into compliance, or you can embrace a pretty WONDERFUL aspect of your personality.

MANY, MANY people have done just that.

's all I'm sayin'

[Toonguy]

09:03 AM on 10/05/2011

A person with ADHD needs therapy, part of which may or may not include medication. As each case is unique, it is really a decision left up to the patient and the doctor who knows them best.

[SgtMom]

10:00 AM on 10/05/2011

Why does an ADD person "need therapy"?

[mscaroline]

09:39 AM on 10/01/2011

My daughter's ADD was, in fact, Celiac Disease. One of the symptoms of CD is "brain fog", which is also what ADD is. First, I would remove all gluten. It is in nearly everything. You have to read all labels and see if the machinery also processed wheat. Even the slightest contamination causes her to become ill.
Scientists genetically engineered wheat to have more protein; more protein means more gluten. That is why there are so many Gluten-Free products out there now.
Eliminate all gluten, to rule that out wheat/gluten allergy. Clean up the diet, eliminate sugars, artificial dyes and flavors. She took Ritalin briefly (5 months) for once a day when she was in 5th grade. It did aid in training her to concentrate. We were desperate and I had opposed it, but it did help.
She is fine now, except every once in awhile she becomes ill from cross contamination. She rarely eats out because there are no guarantees as to what is in her food.

[SgtMom]

07:36 PM on 10/01/2011

My daughter suffered from depression for many, many years until a holistic doc found celiac to be the problem.

We had been told "It's all in her head" all her life.

[Toonguy]

09:04 AM on 10/05/2011

So if someone offered a pill that would counteract the effects of celiac and allow the patient to eat gluten again, would you use it?

[notmytime]

10:56 PM on 09/30/2011

I wonder if any of the people who are posting that they do not believe in ADHD being a diagnosable disease, have had someone within their life, be diagnosed? Or perhaps this is the bandwagon of the misinformed masses that "read something somewhere" that allowed them to be an expert in this field.

What a disservice you do to the medical community and those that live everyday with ADHD.

[TXanimal]

12:14 PM on 10/07/2011

My wife thought it was bunk, that I was a "lazy liar who couldn't be bothered to take responsibility for my actions" until I made her read a couple of books and go see my counselor with me.

She's a big ADHD advocate now! It's amazing what a little education and exposure can do!

[SgtMom]

12:43 PM on 10/07/2011

It's not a "disease". It's not an affliction. It's not a disabllity unless you make it one.

It certainly IS a huge human condition to deal with, and a positive self accepting approach is the difference between self esteem and self loathing.

[DrP]

10:40 PM on 09/30/2011

If I knew 12 years ago what I know now, I would have put my son on a low-carb, high-fat diet - no starch, sugar, grains, additives, or dyes. He figured it out himself at age 19 and it changed his life. I wish we could get his childhood/adolescence back, but at least he is now happy, healthy, and successful.

[SgtMom]

12:50 PM on 10/07/2011

Such a life style change would benefit ALL children.

My son is also happy, healthy and successful, in spite of being told he was diseased and dibilitated.

He was always smart enough to know "the grown ups" were wrong. He has helped me, his mother, overcome my self imposed limitations and shame.

For me it was a tragedy, for him it's a wonderful gift.

[wl944s]

09:44 PM on 09/30/2011

I'd say; "If a doctor diagnoses your kid with ADHD, run, don't walk to a real doctor who isn't a quack trying to get you to visit once a month for the next twenty years."

[onwisconsin]

10:10 PM on 09/30/2011

Very wrong.

[Daisytoo]

02:25 PM on 10/01/2011

Run to a very good pediatric neurologist for a second opinion. But don't try to run away from reality; it simply doesn't work.

[SgtMom]

11:00 AM on 10/03/2011

I say fight for the right to be accomodated.

Just as a wheelchaired citizen has the right to expect public access, so does a "disabled" ADD person.

[theframingone]

07:58 PM on 09/30/2011

was is it that any time a child acts out or is loud or has anger issues they are labeled adhd and doped up , maybe it is because they are inactive , thanks to video games and budget cuts to schools , they eat junk , they have no parental guidance because they are forced to work two jobs each to attempt to make it in this world so they were not taught to deal with problems , just curious does anyone know the rates of adhd for rich kids compared to poor kids

[onwisconsin]

10:08 PM on 09/30/2011

My parents weren't rich. My dad was a college professor and my mother was a teacher. We never ate junk. We were brought up on fresh food and were only allowed sodas as a special treat. My sisters and I had the same diet but I was ADHD and the other 4 were not.

Do some real research before you spout off that there is no ADHD. Also, the meds for ADHD do not "dope" children. They are stimulants that actually work on the central processing center of the brain to calm and center ADHD folks. If a person does not actually have ADHD and takes these meds, he/she will be nervous, jumpy, and anxious. For me, they allow a closer sense of normalcy.

Imagine, if you will, being in the middle of a subway station surrounded by loud people. You're trying to read a page of print. Imagine that somewhere right beside you someone has turned on very loud music (the kind where you can feel the bass) and then there are TV screens going all around you too. Get overwhelmed with all the distractions? That's a good example of what it feels like to live in an ADHD brain. When I take my meds, I can concentrate on what's important, not on the distractions.

[Bellanova]

03:35 PM on 10/01/2011

That is a very good example, thank you, O!

I say it as an ADHDer myself.

[Caryn Banker]

08:45 PM on 10/02/2011

My 12 year old son has been diagnosed with a mild form of ADHD. I, like your parents am reluctant to put him on medication, because I do worry about it's effect long term on his still-developing brain. I think I and my husband both have the same issues, but at 50, we were never diagnosed. It was/is mild enough that we function and have learned like our son is learning, coping strategies and just plain diligence to get through in the tough bits.

I am still really torn about it, because his 'challenge' is the fog and distraction you described. Do you know of any research out there on the long term effects of these medications when used in kids?
Also, as Stg Mom and some others here have noted; His 'dreamy' quality has not only led him to miss teachers's instructions, but to think deeply and out-of-the-box on many of his subjects. He makes connections about one subject to another that most kids, and even adults miss. Do you know of any studies or have any insight into whether or not this ability would be diminished on meds?
It's a tough decision.

[SgtMom]

07:46 PM on 10/01/2011

Many "rich kids" are ADD because they are creative and inventive. Many people in prison are ADD because they miss the social cues and "understandings" most "regular" people pick up on, not to mention they are compulsive. Many teen moms are ADD because of poor impulse control.

Michael Milken, "the Junk Bond king" had ADD severely and donated a great deal of money to research - until he went to prison. He didn't really commit a crime, he thought of things others hadn't.

Many famous inventors, muscians and artists have this "TERRIBLE disorder".

Personally, I put my son in a special school that appreciated and nurtured his antics, and gave him tremendous support, acceptance and love.

He graduated without knowing how to read or write, but won a scholarship after solving a math problem in totally new way.

He has taught himself to read, write and use technology to pick up what's lacking later in life on his own.

He HATED medication. Years after he left school a teacher call to say painters found three years worth of ritalin stuck in the heater.

[onwisconsin]

08:46 PM on 10/01/2011

This makes me understand you much better.

Your child chose not to take meds, as is his right.

[PrunellaC]

10:51 PM on 10/01/2011

My son is a Type I diabetic with ADHD. He hated both Ritalin and Adderall and refused to take them. He's 18 now and our state allows medical marijuana for ADD\ADHD (among some other conditions). I think he should go for it.

[Just My Thoughts 2011]

06:39 PM on 09/30/2011

Medicine for a child diagnosed with ADHD can be life changing. A lot of these children struggle with the social cues that keep them from fitting in. The proper medication can help reign in the impulses of always wanting attention, or wanting to be first in a line, or wanting to be the loudest, or the funniest, or.......whatever.
Medication is also the key to the ADHD child's ability to focus and concentrate.

Without medicine an ADHD child can be known as the trouble-maker, or annoying, or the kid who doesn't get good grades.
With medication the child can fit in to society, get good grades, and make and keep friends.

Again, if you think your child might be ADHD, do not let the negative comments, or stereotypes get in the way of a treatment plan. If your child is properly diagnosed, the difference you will see, once your child begins the treatment, will be immediate.

DO NOT wait until your child is "labeled" by teachers, other parents, or friends, as a "trouble-maker" or "dumb". It will only lead to a declining self-esteem in your child. There is definitely help available, and your child's success, and self-esteem may depend on it.

[Just My Thoughts 2011]

07:22 PM on 09/30/2011

I would also like to debunk the myth that medication will somehow alter the child's personality--it is NOT true. If properly diagnosed, and with the right medication and strength, the personality of the child will shine. If using the right medicine, and proper dosage, your child should also not appear groggy, or sleepy. Instead, they should be able to take better control of their actions and impulses.

The child will be happier, and so will the parents,care-takers,teachers, and friends.

[Auracle]

09:57 PM on 09/30/2011

But also I think people should question to what extent and why they want their child to "fit in". Humans are a social species, true, but the push for conformity goes too far, in my opinion.

[Bellanova]

04:25 PM on 10/01/2011

This is a good point. However, I can tell you that a proper diagnosis and treatment, which includes medication but is not limited to it, can make a tremendous difference in the child's (and adult's) life.

To thrive, every child needs to feel some measure of success, control, self-worth, and social acceptance in their life. Undiagnosed and unhelped ADHD kids are too often deprived of it.

Many, if not all, ADHD kids suffer from rejection by their peers and constant negative feedback from their teachers and parents, and then some. The crippling influence of these factors during the child's formative years cannot be overstated, and neither can be the on-going suffering they create for him or her.

The goal of diagnosis and treatment is not to make the child conform to whatever capricious external standards we want to impose on them, but to make them be and feel successful, for the first time in their life (and onward, ideally), at their academic, creative, and social pursuits. IOW, we want to free the gifts that are usually buried underneath all the negative baggage associated with ADHD and its secondary effects (academic failure, ridicule, rejection, etc.)

[TXanimal]

12:20 PM on 10/07/2011

But sometimes it goes far beyond the ability to "fit in" to the question of simply functioning and succeeding in life. I was able to use behavioral modification with the support of my peers & family in order to function "normally" and deal with certain issues you probably take for granted. That doesn't work for people with more severe cases.