In a report from Onion News Network, President Obama affirmed his solidarity with the Occupy Wall Street Protestors by punching a Wall Street banker in the face. Since the punching, his approval ratings have skyrocketed to record numbers.
No word on exactly why Obama punched the banker outside of sheer, visceral hatred of his stupid annoying face.
Although Obama has been accused of being Wall Street's best friend in the past and has been reluctant to endorse Occupy Wall Street, perhaps this physical demonstration will precede additional policy changes. Watch "Onion News Network" on Tuesdays at 10:00 p.m. EST on IFC for additional coverage.