What You Need To Know About Bullying

From playground cruelty to the online rumor mill, we're hearing more about bullying than ever, but are we getting better at helping kids and teens cope?

TIME looks at the facts behind all those sensational headlines -- what we know and don't know about why bullying happens and what we can do to minimize its effects.

Read the whole story

Comments

[Gigi Jacobs]

05:52 AM on 10/16/2011

I've been a reader of Huffing ton Post for 2 years. I'm 52 I have been gay and "out" since 1979. I had never felt the effect of bullying-until a few months ago.

A lot of people have wondered why I spend my time warning them of Rachel Maddow and her "not so pure intents"-well that's because of the bullying took place on her blog.

I once was a gifted, smart person-only suffered a stroke in 2003. Since then, I have lost much of my abilities-including simple reading and writing. I work hard at it everyday, but I still do make mistakes. It's a very sore spot for me, since I always excelled in most everything.

At her blog, I left a disclaimer as to my stroke and to please excuse my spelling mistakes as I'm doing my best. I've always been received graciously. But this time, on this Maddow Blog, I had been bullied, had my misspellings made fun of, had my computer hacked 6 times from these bullies. And to make it all worse, the person I thought would have set it right, Maddow herself, well, she condoned the behavior.

I found her shallow and bullying attitude to be unacceptable from a fellow gay. And until this day, know that bullying is not just against gays-but can be from egocentric gays themselves.

Maddow should be ashamed. Of course she is not. This may explain my distaste for who she is.

Gigi Jacobs.

[h111aryc1inton]

09:03 PM on 10/16/2011

Gigi -

I am sorry you had such a bad experience Rachel Maddow and while I don't usually agree with her - I did always think she was honest in her opinions...thinking much less of her now.

Also, not sure anyone should bully, whether they are a "fellow gay" or straight.

And been reading your stuff - if people disagree with you, they can argue - if they attack you because of spelling or on a personal level - "F" them...

[Gigi Jacobs]

06:40 AM on 10/17/2011

Ok, this comment I don't understand. Why do you care if I've had a bad experience? You were just worried I was going to take your stuff? Maybe it's because you know I really don't want your things. Maybe you know these people are in the street because they want a better life for all and not to take your money.

Maybe under all that you have a heart. Then why don't you show that part of you. It doesn't even sound like the same person making the comment. Maybe you really have good in you.

So, why do you worry so much about us trying to take something from you. I have my droid phones and I'm totally happy. I make unique products that help people and it makes me happy. And you apparently aren't all so bad. So why not be this person?

I don't know how to tell you other than just saying it. If you were down and out, we'd help you. We won't judge you or take your things. We would just offer you help because you are a person in need. I guarantee you every person on wall street would drop to their knees to help you and they don't care how you got there. They just want to help all to live in a community together.

And it doesn't sound like your so much different from wanting that yourself.

Gigi

[dogtac69]

02:27 AM on 10/16/2011

If I had a gay son, the first thing I would do is teach him to beat the snot out of anyone who bullied him. All the bullies understand is someone standing up to them. Usually, I am not a violet person, but enough is enough.

[DianaLynn1967]

01:34 AM on 10/18/2011

What if it's more than one person? At my school, it wasn't just one person. It was everybody. Also, gay people are not the only people to be bullied at school (or elsewhere.) It's anybody who doesn't fit in who gets bullied.

[dogtac69]

12:35 PM on 10/18/2011

DianaLynn1967: Everything you say is true. But, I think it is worse for gay kids than it is for anyone else. Gay kids not only have to put up with the bullying, but they feel no one is going to be on their side. Not teachers, not their own parents, not society as a whole. The gay kids are killing themselves over this issue. Schools do need to get involved, but until the problem is solved, I had rather my son stand-up for himself than have him lose all hope. I had rather he lose a fistfight than have him lose his self-respect.

[AZreb]

09:51 AM on 10/15/2011

Personal story from any yeas ago - I was adopted when I was 6 weeks old and my adoptive parents told me when I was in the 5th or 6th grade. When asked to share a personal story in class, I mentioned this.

On the way home, I was approached by a girl and her cadre and she started making fun of me and bullying me in front of her friends. This girl had very long hair that she wore in a braid down her back - bad move on her part. I took the remarks for a little while, not replying, but finally had had enough. Grabbed the braid and punched her in the face, giving her a really good bloody nose.

Did she and her friends pick on me again? NO. Did my mother lecture me on being a "lady" and not fight? YES. Did that change my attitude toward bullies? NO.

Why is it that it is seen as being brave and good to go to war and fight but it is not brave and good to protect yourself from personal attacks?

[Ioan Lightoller]

01:07 PM on 10/15/2011

I remembered being bullied in preschool and my mom told me to fight back. So I did. I grabbed one kid who was making fun of my having been adopted and bit him. Yeah my mom got called down to the office and she did all the requisite crap (this was the 50s) then on the way to the car, she asked me if I really did it. I told her I had and she winked at me and said, "Good!"

[thebearclaw007]

03:12 PM on 10/15/2011

Great story!

[talkstocoyotes]

04:40 AM on 10/16/2011

I had a similar experience in the fourth grade but never told my parents -- the teacher had them completely snowed.

My teacher *and* the phys ed teacher (looking back on it, a misogynist if ever there was one) knew about the bullying and did nothing to stop it. Finally out of desperation I punched out one of the kids who was doing it; I suspect that he fell over mostly because I took him by surprise but it never happened again. And I never found out why they were harrassing me.

Children get incredibly foolish advice on this particular subject.

[thebearclaw007]

03:11 PM on 10/15/2011

...but it is not brave and good to protect yourself from personal attacks? Who said that?

[talkstocoyotes]

04:42 AM on 10/16/2011

For starters, quite a few people who will tell a bullying victim who fights back that he/she has "lowered yourself to their level." As often as not when people say that, they're saying it from a very, very safe distance.