Let's Talk About Sex: Don't Be Afraid To Speak Your Mind (VIDEO)

Today, there are around 4.2 million websites that contain porn. (That’s roughly 12% of the entire internet!) Yet, less than half of US states currently mandate sex and HIV education. Kids are clearly being exposed to sexual content, but in a space devoid of healthy scientific dialogue. So this week, I’d like to take some time to focus on how we communicate about sexuality.

What is the most effective way to learn about sexuality? What is the most appropriate age to discuss sexual issues with children? Does abstinence only education work? How effective is state mandated sex education? And what effect does sexual communication really have on a relationship?

I think science has shied away from studying human sexual interaction in general because of its taboo and ostensibly immeasurable nature. But it's because of scientific curiosity that many things have been learned about the human sexual experience.

For example, do you know what's actually occurring during vaginal lubrication? Well, when both men and women are sexually excited, blood is shunted to their genitals. Females have a large capillary bed behind their vaginal walls that is semi-permeable to blood, allowing the clear portion of that blood to flow through. Hence, "getting wet." Without scientific inquiry, I sincerely doubt anyone would have figured that one out. And now, it’s going to be all you think about the next time you have sex. Sorry!

So, what do you want to talk about? Hit me up on Twitter, Facebook, or leave your comments right here on my blog. Come on, talk nerdy to me!

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Comments

[lstjames1]

07:18 PM on 03/30/2012

Sexuality will always be a controversial topic, because unlike other body functions, it generally involves other people. This goes into the realm of dealing with others and the resulting consequences of those interactions.
Most sexual information (especially pornography) is always defined for the female within male terms of what sex should be (i.e., what women are supposed to do or be sexually is based on what men like to do or be in sexual terms).
Curiously, pornography is similar to religious fundamentalism, in that it also defines sexuality based on what men want and desire.
Sex education at home is difficult, because parents will not be honest and speak about sexuality freely, because once again they think about "the consequences" of sexual activity, etc. - not just the sex. In addition, what makes a parent an expert sexually?
I also think there is a difference between the basic mechanics of sex and the concept of how to achieve pleasure, which is defined differently by gender. Plus self-pleasuring is seen as a substitute for sex rather than a form of sexuality. Essentially no sex education at school or at home will go into details on all of these aspects.
The other aspect of sexuality that makes it different than other body functions, is the capacity to sexually exploit people.
Perhaps sex education should be part of the 4 year curriculum in high school, which addresses all the aspects of sexuality - not just the mechanics and information about STDs.

[cornflower]

12:41 PM on 11/16/2011

If you don't think Americans are puritans when it comes to sex, go to a country where people don't have that problem.

You never know what you'll find at Huffpost - avoiding holiday weight gain, vaginal lubrication, .....what's next?

[modulo]

04:55 AM on 11/16/2011

Sex is only meaningful and pleasurable because we are wired a certain way. It's the same feeling you get when you take a piss after holding it in too long during a movie.

GET OVER IT.

[Bill J4321]

05:38 PM on 11/15/2011

Until Americans are able to cast off the shame they seem to conflate with sexuality, I fully anticipate the continuation of the dysfunctional American sexuality.

[Lady Saera]

03:58 PM on 11/15/2011

hehe...ah Cara, well you certainly know how to get people talking, and heated up, wet or otherwise:) I also note that anyone who finds the clarification of these simple bodily functions offensive or repulsive are sadly squeamish, the fact is, its a natural beautiful thing;)

[liberaltotalitarianism]

02:25 AM on 11/16/2011

I prefer to just do it without thinking about how it's being done.

[cornflower]

12:40 PM on 11/16/2011

I like thinking about it!

[modulo]

04:52 AM on 11/16/2011

Oooh, you're so enlightened...

[Lady Saera]

02:53 PM on 11/16/2011

Actually it's not about being enlightened, it's a natural process through which we all came through and that includes you. :)

[JayInDallas]

03:50 PM on 11/15/2011

Cara, I think you need to couch the statements around the lack of sex ed and scientific study as being American. Many European countries have a lower teen pregnancy rate, HIV instance rate and are generally better when it comes to approaching the subjects of sex and sexuality.

And no, abstinence only/government mandated sex ed is not effective. I live in Texas.

[Cara Santa Maria]

05:39 PM on 11/16/2011

I agree completely! I tried to make that point more clear in my latest post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/15/sex-education-science_n_1096242.html?ref=talk-nerdy-to-me

Thanks for the feedback, and I feel your pain. I was born and raised in Texas!

[Samuel Purkiss]

03:18 PM on 11/15/2011

To be honest, I always found talking about sex with teachers, parents or really any authority figure to be really awkward. So for the most part, Google was my sex ed teacher. And I learned a lot of valuable information. I think more informative websites on the subject should be available and easy to find because right now there isn't enough.

[Cara Santa Maria]

05:41 PM on 11/16/2011

Samuel, that is a good point. But we have to learn how to learn. There is so much misinformation on websites today. Part of a good sex ed curriculum should be knowing where to go for real answers. I also think that if younger people who are informed come to the classroom, students will be less likely to shy away from asking question and less likely to feel awkward. What do you think?

[dkrypt]

02:37 PM on 11/15/2011

I think the best advice we can give for sex (after safety of course) is to HAVE FUN.

Laughter + great sex = best possible physical experience

[belladio]

03:17 PM on 11/15/2011

Well said.

[jrk747]

03:23 PM on 11/15/2011

It should be a mind experience as result. Physical is just the means to an end.

[belladio]

03:52 PM on 11/15/2011

Cosign.

[jm26dream]

12:56 PM on 11/15/2011

Anyone who is sexually different from the norm is bad!!!

[Anabelle Whitepaws]

01:56 PM on 11/15/2011

What's the norm?

[belladio]

02:18 PM on 11/15/2011

Excellent point - F/F

[jrk747]

03:25 PM on 11/15/2011

The norm is dated from 456 B.C ? I guess so right?

[ColleenHarper]

04:57 PM on 11/15/2011

Who determines what the "norm" is? Scientists? Or (as I perceive your point to be) fundamentalist religionists?

[jf12]

06:42 PM on 11/15/2011

There are oughts as well as is-s, maybe especially when talking about interpersonal behavior with such vast pleasures and consequences as sexual behavior. If there aren't oughts, there ought to be.

[CabCurious]

12:09 PM on 11/15/2011

I think we've taken a turn for sensationalism rather than education or inquiry.

[belladio]

12:40 PM on 11/15/2011

It's "sensationalism" that she's talking about the biological processes involved in sex?

Maybe a Herman Cain article would be more your speed.

[Syllogizer]

01:28 PM on 11/15/2011

No, that THAT she is talking about it, but the WAY she is talking about it. THAT is what makes it sensationalism.

[CabCurious]

02:15 PM on 11/15/2011

I liked the start of this series, but it has devolved into pure sensationalism. Asking how effective state mandated sex ed is and then a two-sentence explanation about how women "get wet"?

This isn't being serious about the issues, imo.

[Bill Duckworth]

12:02 PM on 11/15/2011

Like scientific Brain Function. Very boring. Thinking, Concentrating, Contemplating and Meditation is much more fun, Blissful, Joyful. Practice makes perfect.

Of course aging and health transcends the first Chakra physical material needs, but less powerful than free will choice at any age.

No matter how great physically or mentally it is it becomes but a twinkle in the past. And all the repetition leave no greater impression. But may justify as we age looking at the youth and beautiful in memories of a much different perspective. It brings back the excitement without the baggage.

Unless of course you are Krishna at 13, only leaving smiles and Kamaless activity. And who did not want that.

[jf12]

03:07 PM on 11/15/2011

You're all wet. Or not.

[Bill Duckworth]

08:11 PM on 11/15/2011

"It is not what you put into you mouth that defiles you, but what comes out of it"

[Bill Duckworth]

08:13 PM on 11/15/2011

Not wet much these days. But my we has been experienced

[Nickel Dakota]

10:19 AM on 11/15/2011

As a fetish filmmaker and sexual expressionist, I talk about sex quite often but never in any belligerent or insistent manner. To me, it should receive just as much open discussion as the topic of professional sports.
I have very little interest in professional sports but of course the topic is constantly introduced to me by unsuspecting individuals. I either politely tell them that I have zero interest or they get the that impression based on my reaction. In either of these two scenarios, they either move on to another topic or end the conversation right there with no hard feelings. Nobody goads me about it or pushes the issue once they realize that I'm perhaps not the best person to engage with on that level.
My point being that I think we can all, as mature adults, discuss sex in the same vein with little difficulty as long as we apply the same general rules of mutually polite conversational etiquette. simply by paying close attention to the listener's response or reaction which can determine whether or not the conversation can proceed in a positive and friendly manner.

[Jeff McConnell]

12:15 PM on 11/15/2011

With due respect: what is a fetish film maker and a sexual expressionist, exactly?

[belladio]

12:43 PM on 11/15/2011

Ditto on the "sexual expressionist" - was wondering what that is too. Surely you're aware of what a fetish film is, though, right?

[Nickel Dakota]

01:18 PM on 11/15/2011

A fetish filmmaker is someone who visually expresses specific fetishes, or a variety or fetishes, through film focusing on the fetishes themselves usually in a narrative fashion.

A sexual expressionist is someone who expresses specific aspects of their sexuality through various artistic mediums ie. film/video, performance art, writing.

Admittedly, there are no official definitions and perhaps I can hone these down a bit but those descriptions are what initially comes to mind.

Hope that helps and thanks for asking.

[belladio]

10:11 AM on 11/15/2011

Good article - thank you, Cara. Made me think about a few things I'd like to research further.

[JacksonRaiford]

10:18 AM on 11/15/2011

Research.....like scientific method......touch it, smell it taste it.....or using the notg00gIe to look up information?

'Cause I'd gladly offer my services as a research assistant. In the name of science, of course. ;)

[belladio]

10:24 AM on 11/15/2011

Thank you for the offer; I might take you up on that. Research assistance well-versed in the scientific method are hard to come by.

[EnoughWithTheStupidity]

09:50 AM on 11/15/2011

'For example, do you know what's actually occurring during vaginal lubricatio­n?'

I do now and I wish I didn't.

[Bill Duckworth]

12:04 PM on 11/15/2011

And what is wrong with fore play. Nothing against four play.

[ColleenHarper]

05:10 PM on 11/15/2011

On the other hand, I am very thankful that I now know.

It increased my comprehension of the world around me incrementally.

[Pilatunes]

09:27 AM on 11/15/2011

'For example, do you know what's actually occurring during vaginal lubrication?'

It usually means I am doing some of my best work.

[Bill Duckworth]

12:06 PM on 11/15/2011

Fore play as its purpose. But then it is not always needed in the heat of the moment.

Reminds me of Alki Beach, Apple Blossom, College etc.

[jrk747]

03:26 PM on 11/15/2011

You got it! If it is still dry you really suck in bed! (not literally!)