Joan Rivers Shops Wedding Dresses With Niece, Slams Kim Kardashian

11/22/2011 03:44 pm ET

Why is Joan Rivers shopping for a wedding dress? Settle down, Joan won't be taking a trip down the aisle anytime soon. The comedian accompanied her sister's engaged daughter, Caroline, to Kleinfeld to find the perfect dress -- and Ms. "Fashion Police" herself invited us along for the day of comedy-tinged taffeta.

"That looks like a drunk ballerina," the fashion snob said as she marched around the store. "This, to me, is very exciting as I plan to upstage Caroline. I'd like the bridesmaids to look ugly. I don't want her to be a puffball, I want her to be the prettiest bride in the world. The most beautiful, fantasy, amazing gown -- that's why we are here and that's what we are going to come out with."

After surveying all of the ruffles and lace the store had to offer, Joan did some styling of her own.

"You have got to feel like you are the most magical creature alive that day, because then the reality will hit. We can give you the Snooki look," Joan says, puffing up Caroline's hair into a little bump. "And if we put a hole here [pointing to Caroline's privates], we can give her the Kardashian look."

So what type of man could get Joan into another wedding dress? "An old Jewish man with a cough!"