Divorce Research 2011: Top 11 Findings Of The Year

Though celebrity divorces tend to steal the spotlight -- we have Ashton Kutcher, J.Lo, and Kim Kardashian to thank for that -- divorce research findings got their fair share of attention this year, particularly those that touched on hot-button issues like the recession, child development, and the always-popular topic of infidelity.

Click through HuffPost Divorce's 11 most talked-about research findings of 2011 and weigh in: which study surprised you most?

For more on the best of 2011, visit bestof2011.aol.com.

Comments

[kbksi]

02:02 PM on 12/15/2011

custody may be biase in FAVOR of mothers? You're kidding? Thanks for the breaking news..talk about stating the obvious. Guys get screwed..it's that simple.

[abra1967]

10:30 PM on 12/27/2011

Move to Maryland.

[abbyj]

08:43 PM on 12/03/2011

>>". . . that they don't jabe time to really enjoy them," she told Reuters Health."

proofread proofread proofread before you post it.

[Zalkreb]

02:29 PM on 12/04/2011

I am not familiar with a style book that would endorse a usage like "proofread proofread proofread before you post it." I think perhaps a comma, or even two, might be a good addition, as well as some capitalization.

It seems reasonable that if you are going to criticize someone else's writing, you'd try to make sure your own is close to perfect. It could be that you consider your post an informal note and so exempt from that sort of requirement. Personally, I'm more concerned about looking like a hypocrite. But that's just me.

[abbyj]

10:20 PM on 12/04/2011

You certainly called me out on the "series" comma rule, but I was using poetic license at the time to show mock exasperation. Poetic license is different from misspelling, I believe. By the same token, I wrote a post earlier with a bandaid on my finger and made two huge typos. What goes around comes around, doesn't it?

[powerage]

10:46 PM on 12/01/2011

Haha Penile fractures ouch!!! Dr. Bennett, Dr. Bennett...No sir, I think you broke it!

[mijumom]

12:27 PM on 12/01/2011

BookQueen- For some reason, I cannot post this as a reply to your comment. I get your point and as primary caregiver, I thought I would want full custody. My ex is gone most of the time, by his own choice. Now, seeing the impact on my kids, I wish he'd take 50%, even though I think he's a jerk and even though he left me and even though I would rather have them more of the time. I see that they are suffering from him being gone. When one parent provided 75% of the care with the spouse in the home, it is very different when that spouse leaves. My kids had morning hugs and bed-time stories, fleeting moments with their dad when we co-habitat ed. Now, his absence is destroying them. I can see that at least 50% custody would be a gift to my children. It is not easy to concede. But, all things change in divorce. It blows for the kids no matter how you slice it.

[Zalkreb]

01:01 PM on 12/01/2011

As I recall, you urge fathers to accept responsibility for divorce, although in the vast majority of cases they did not initiate the divorce. Am I correct in this? If so, perhaps you'd be willing to do a demonstration of how one is supposed to accept personal responsibility for the freely chosen action of someone else, which action one opposed. If you aren't interested, it's perfectly understandable.

[mijumom]

01:17 PM on 12/02/2011

First of all, I would have expected you to recognize in my post, my fervent belief that regardless of who left who, I believe it is best for kids to have more time with their fathers. It seems you are incapable of actually seeing where some of us agree even if not on all points. You are truly jaded. Did you even read the post you commented on? Second, I never urged fathers to accept responsibility for divorce. I urge people to take responsibility for their role in marriages failing. That is both men and women. Unlike you, I do not lay blame solely one gender. In my case I look for my own responsibility within the marriage up to the point where my husband left and got a girlfriend. I do not feel that I am responsible for the divorce itself but I am 50% of how we got there. That is your achilles heel. I understand, I felt clubbed in the knee caps. I still suffer from depression over the fact that my children will not have an intact home and this was implemented against my will. But, we are not victims. We participated in marriages that failed for a reason. So, I think I've answered your question. That's life Zalreb. Life isn't always fair. You take responsibility for where you are and if you feel victimized parlay that into some positive action for yourself or others to benefit. Or not. Obviously up to you.

[Willow712]

05:29 PM on 12/28/2011

My first husband was a good father, but a lousy husband. We had a cold distant relationship, which I did not want my children to grow up with. After 4 years of marriage counselling, we divorced, I took both girls, 4 and 6 and moved to an apartment. to the ex's credit, he paid his child support on time every month for 14 years. He bought Christmas and birthday presents, school clothes and school supplies. He had every other Fryi - Monday off. So on Friday afternoon, he'd pick the girls up at school, keep them until Monday morning, when he would drop them back off at school. he went to every school program, he bought them their school instruments and their orthdontia. He came to my grandson's graduation from high school last year, and his wife, him and I sat at one table and talked like old friends for about 3 hours, asking him about his Mom, his sister, etc. My daughter was amazed. I told her, "Its been 30 years, and none of us cares anymore." It was a much better divorce than it was a marriage.

[mijumom]

06:03 PM on 12/28/2011

And you? Did you come out alright? Happy? It seems you did but I'm in the thick of it and looking for inspiration. :)

[sam ella]

12:18 AM on 12/01/2011

here is one - "Generalizations based on observations don't count as research".

[BookQueen]

11:37 AM on 11/30/2011

I'm surprised that people thought the custody should be split, even when one parent provided 75% of the care. Surely what's best for the child is to stay with the parent who has been caring for them, so long as they aren't abusive.

[Zalkreb]

11:45 AM on 11/30/2011

What's best for the child, as a general rule, is for the child to say in an intact family with both parents living with the child. What's best for the mother's personal happiness tends to overrule this concern, however. It;s never been made clear exactly how mothers are able to reconcile and justify their actions in initiating the overwhelming majority of divorces, knowing as they must that the divorce is strongly inimical to the wishes and well-being of their children. It would seem that they simply selfishly decide to pursue their personal happiness in spite of the well-documented harm divorce brings to children's health and happiness. But perhaps there's something else going on.

[olliesmom115]

12:04 PM on 11/30/2011

What a charmer you are. Us women are all just a bunch of manipulative, evil hussies, aren't we? Divorce is never the fault of the man, huh?

If you're all such glowing examples of perfect parenting, why are roughly 30% of kids fatherless??

[mijumom]

04:53 PM on 11/30/2011

"What's best for the child, as a general rule, is for the child to say in an intact family with both parents living with the child."

YES!

So true. I just came from my therapist, lamenting, three years into separation that my children will not have this, by my husband's doing. Again, he did not file for divorce but is gone.

Where you lose me and almost everyone else, is on your tirade against women. There is something very damaging about our current divorce rates and it can't be chalked up to just selfish women. If you account for the percentage of women whose husbands are barely there, if at all, but don't file for divorce, it probably evens out to about 50/50. I know, I need to find you a study that reads the minds of all of these millions of couples but I can't. So go on believing what you want. I just don't see how it helps you or anyone. Most men who want to stay involved with their children are granted that right. I'm trying not to give up on you buddy.

[h0tr0d]

02:22 PM on 11/30/2011

Why ?

[BookQueen]

11:34 AM on 11/30/2011

The hair loss is interesting, but the guy who thinks men suffer less from divorce is probably wrong. Most studies have found men are more depressed by divorce and for longer.

I'd guess it's something like testosterone makes your hair fall out and divorce makes women's hormones crazy. It could also be that the divorced women lost their hair when they were unhappily married.

[Amznlif]

09:41 PM on 12/10/2011

We all suffer, male and female unless we have someone lined up to take their place. Period.

[jf12]

10:45 AM on 11/30/2011

The happy teen - divorce minor correlation was the only surprise, and I'm not sure it's significant anyway.

[WSAY]

09:29 PM on 11/30/2011

Denial.

[Zalkreb]

09:55 AM on 11/30/2011

Dads are less involved with their children today primarily because their former wives, the children's mothers, have initiated divorces that separate children and fathers. Divorce routinely evicts fathers from family homes, strips children of a full-time actively involved parent, turns fathers into occasional visitors in their children's lives and replaces a father with something more akin to a favorite uncle, or a fairly deeply involved grandparent.

Women are overwhelmingly responsible for the 50-year increase in divorce rates. Let's put it this way: If women initiated divorce at the same rate as men, the divorce rate would be cut roughly in half. If you want to know why fathers are less involved with children, and why there are so many divorces, you need to ask women why they so enthusiastically embrace divorce.

[WSAY]

09:32 PM on 11/30/2011

Yeah - I wonder why the court the children from a winner like you? (And women initiate divorce for two reasons. First, someone has to, and second, men are usually willing to stay since they are getting such a great (irresponsible and lazy) deal.)

Why did you get married if men are treated so poorly when they divorce?

[Suntio]

12:29 AM on 12/01/2011

I guess you'd rather the wife move out of the family home with the kids? Children need stability; the non-custodial parent goes.

You CLEARLY have SERIOUS issues with women, you NEED help.

[Zalkreb]

10:16 AM on 12/01/2011

Accusations of insanity are, unfortunately, nothing new to me.

I do suspect that, if women were expected or required to leave home and kids behind and pay a quarter or more of their income to their former partner for the next 10 or 15 years, they might be a little less enthusiastic about stripping their children of a full-time parent through the vehicle of divorce. As is, of course, they generally keep the house, keep the kids and keep their former partner's income, while getting rid of the partner. Not surprisingly, women generally report being happier after divorce and feeling it was justified.

And this is done in the name of stability? Eh...

What happened to the importance of stability when the woman was deciding to evict the children's father from their home and lives? It doesn't seem so important then. It's only when it comes time to divide up the assets of the partnership that we hear the cry of "what's best for the children."

If noticing and pointing out these well-established facts makes me crazy, then I guess I had better report for my straitjacket fitting. If ignoring and denying them makes you a hypocrite, then you might consider opening your mind, educating yourself and abandoning your prejudices. But that's your call.

[ethelmertzrules]

08:46 AM on 11/30/2011

Custody decisions may be biased in favor of the mother? Did someone pay for that study? That's been common knowledge for years.

[Zalkreb]

10:10 AM on 11/30/2011

You are correct. However, it's important to establish that people perceive bias because, as the article notes, divorce participants base their behavior on what they can expect. An untold number of fathers do not request equal custody because their lawyers tell them, probably correctly, that there is little chance they will receive equal custody, and that the unsuccessful effort will cost many tens of thousands of dollars.

This is significant because apologists for the currently severely gender-biased family law and custody system often claim that fathers don't receive equal custody because they don't seek it. In fact, it's likely that some or many or even most fathers don't seek it because they don't think it's a practical possibility.

The solution is to stop routinely evicting fathers from their children's lives and then to let everyone know that fathers will in fact not almost always be relegated to the role of occasional visitor to their children, simply because the mothers decided they'd be happier not married to the fathers.

[ethelmertzrules]

11:23 AM on 11/30/2011

Well said. I've always hated what I perceive to be a major slight against men. I know several men who love their children and are in fact the better parent, but have their children taken from them based on their gender. It's just WRONG.

[mijumom]

05:06 PM on 11/30/2011

"An untold number of fathers do not request equal custody because their lawyers tell them, probably correctly, that there is little chance they will receive equal custody, and that the unsuccessf­ul effort will cost many tens of thousands of dollars."

That is interesting. And I think a very good point. And, no father should, for any price give up on pursuing custody of his children.

"In fact, it's likely that some or many or even most fathers don't seek it because they don't think it's a practical possibilit­y."

This is where you lose me. How could anyone give up their children because they think it may not be likely they'll get custody. You'd have to cut off my limbs to keep me from pursuing 50/50 custody of my kids. Actually, even then I'd be on it. You should put your energy and zeal into encouraging men to at least try. Your energies would be so much better spent rather than complaining and blaming women. Come on, you could actually make a difference here! You're informed and passionate. If you focus that energy, you could help a lot of men stop feeling victimized and know their legal rights, find attorneys who will help them etc. You don't need venom, victim-hood and hostility to contribute, you can really make a difference if you try.

[WSAY]

09:33 PM on 11/30/2011

Except it should be that way. Something else that is common knowledge.

[ethelmertzrules]

09:51 PM on 11/30/2011

More and more women are proving that to be false. Men are good parents that have been pigeon holed into a stereotype.

[Chris Sirhc]

10:00 PM on 11/30/2011

Except that most studies show joint custody to be of modest benefit for children and they do equally well in mother or father sole custody.

Jennifer E. Lansford, "Parental Divorce and Children's Adjustment", 2009
http://pps.sagepub.com/content/4/2/140.abstract

[Mediate Trix]

07:24 AM on 11/30/2011

I recognize that all of these 'research point' aren't serious, but the reason for this whole section on divorce is that is a common and painful event/series of events that so many people have to navigate.

Before getting divorced, do people really think about their own definition of a successful outcome?Is success measured in the amount of money you walk away with?

I think one of the main problems with media messaging about divorce is that divorce is most often described or reported as a fight.

The problem with this is that fights have winners and losers.

I think divorce should be looked at the same way a company is viewed by consultants advising it on restructuring--logically, semi-detached, with an eye on what is best for the bottom line.

In a corporate setting the bottom line is money. But in a divorce, the bottom line is different. What if the bottom line in a divorce was successful co-parenting?

What if divorce was actually about the financial, emotional and physical restructuring of a family. And what if the reason for that restructuring was to support post-divorce co-parenting?

Why?

Because the latest studies show that kids who are exposed to the least amount of conflict do the best long term.

That's why.

The MediateTrix

http://mediatetrix.wordpress.com/2011/11/09/mediatetrix-post-iv-successful-divorce-an-oxymoron/

[Vicki Larson]

08:50 AM on 11/30/2011

@MediateTri­x — "What if the bottom line in a divorce was successful co-parenti­ng?" What a great way to look at divorce, instead of as a marital "failure" with all the shame and judgment surrounding that. Assuming there are kids to co-parent, that is. Regardless, changing the way we view divorce — since about a million of us go through it a year — and act during a divorce would go far in making us a healthier, less-judgmental society.

[Zalkreb]

12:11 PM on 12/03/2011

This is what could be expected from a group that initiates the vast majority of divorces, most commonly in the pursuit of their personal happiness: Let's not judge the people who initiate divorces. Instead, let's focus on judging what happens after the divorce.

The reason a million of us go through divorce each is because about three quarters of a million women are the primary initiators of them. I think we might be well-advised to try to figure out exactly how these women justify exposing their children and partners to profound and lasting harm in the pursuit of their personal happiness. That's still something of a puzzle.

[blpilot43]

05:11 AM on 11/30/2011

"Infidelity May Cause Penile Fracture" ???

Not wearing a cup during a rivalry football game is the way to go if you want to break Big Ernie and the twins!!!

[ethelmertzrules]

08:47 AM on 11/30/2011

I read about that one on HuffPo. Apparently the cheater gets too enthusiastic when being ridden and Big Ernie snaps backward.

[Achilles1963]

09:08 PM on 12/01/2011

Umm, It's kind of embarrassing, but I have been injured by enthusiastic girls before. Nothing serious you understand, just the kind that leave you rolled up in a ball choking and with tears in your eyes (and laughing at the same time). Lol

[Vicki Larson]

08:54 AM on 11/30/2011

@blpilot43 — hopefully you did not learn that through personal experience ... ;-)

[blpilot43]

09:55 AM on 11/30/2011

Morning Vicki... No... I kept everything well protected, but I did have a team mate who got careless and... The bad news was he didn't walk well for 2 weeks... the good news is that he sang soprano better than my youngest daughter!