POLITICS
12/02/2011 06:08 pm ET | Updated Feb 01, 2012

HUFFPOST HILL - Time Is Fleeting, But John Boehner's Chicken Poop Analogy Is Forever


Donald Trump will moderate a GOP debate in December. We're excited: It will be the first time he's ever asked anyone for their opinion on ANYTHING. Newt Gingrich thinks life begins at "implantation" which, to be fair, is what will happen if Obamacare takes effect and the "colonies" are built. And Herman Cain debuted the "Women for Herman Cain" section of his website -- we think it was designed by the team that did "Kids who throw frisbees on lawns for Newt Gingrich." This is HUFFPOST HILL for Friday, December 2nd, 2011:

BOEHNER COMPARES PAYROLL TAX BREAK TO EXCREMENT ... AGAIN - Politico reports that John Boehner told his conference today that he plans to chop on some celery and add mayonnaise, or animal feces or something, to a bill to extend the payroll tax cut: "Speaker John Boehner referred to the package he's putting forward as turning 'chicken-sh-- into chicken salad,' according to people who attended the meeting in the Capitol basement." Except instead he wants to substitute more Keystone XL pipelines and ease environmental regulations. Mmmm [Politico]

December 2 is starting to look like Boehner's special day to talk about chicken poop. Exactly a year ago, he referred to a Democratic plan to force a vote on a middle class-only extension of the Bush tax cuts as "chicken crap." http://huff.to/efOzUO

UPTON THINKS THE EXCREMENT WILL PASS - Energy and Commerce Chairman Fred Upton told Bloomberg's Al Hunt he thinks the payroll tax cut extension will pass. "I think we will. It's still a working project, as we talk now. The keys, particularly from the Republican side, are that these have to be paid for. We're not going to increase the size of the deficit...I think what emerges from the House [will likely be a compromise]...but the bottom line is that they're going to be paid for. It's not going to be just off we go and we're going to increase the size of the deficit or hurt the trust fund." The House is now where compromise originates. Save us.

OCCUPY Y'ALL STREET, PART TWO - Fannie Mae, after foreclosing on a cop and his family, demanded he turn over any communication between him and Occupy Atlanta, which tried to stop the foreclosure. Yes, that happened. [HuffPost]

The GOP law firm Fannie Mae hired, Shapiro & Swertfeger, is run by a Gingrich donor.

DAILY DELANEY DOWNER - Your DDD has received a couple dozen emails from people across the country anxiously watching Congress for a reauthorization of extended unemployment benefits. Here's a letter from a person in Illinois whose current tier of benefits will expire early in January, which would leave her high and dry if lawmakers don't get it together. "My husband made the whole Thanksgiving meal but none of us really ate it," the letter said. "I don't think I ate anything from Thursday night to Monday morning, actually. Now that news reports indicate there's at least some negotiating going on, I feel a wee bit hopeful. I'm still moody and burst into tears at the slightest provocation, which probably doesn't make a good impression at interviews." Advice from Joe Biden: "Hang in there."

Don't be bashful: Send tips/stories/photos/events/fundraisers/job movement/juicy miscellanea to huffposthill@huffingtonpost.com. Follow us on Twitter - @HuffPostHill

REPORT: SOLYNDRA IS THE STEPHEN BALDWIN OF GREEN ENERGY LOAN PROGRAMS: Lucia Graves: "A new independent report on the Department of Energy's 1705 loan guarantee program found it to be in good financial health, with the majority of the projects it supported to be much lower risks than the now-bankrupt solar panel manufacturer Solyndra. Of the 28 loans backed by the program, 18 went to power generation projects that show minimal risk of default. What's more, the report notes, Congress planned for failure. Even if none of the loans to the remaining higher-risk projects (including Solyndra) were repaid, the losses incurred could easily be covered by a $2.4 billion loan loss reserve Congress specifically set aside. If all 10 higher-risk projects defaulted, the fund would still have a $446 million surplus." [HuffPost]

WALL ST. AND K ST. GET READY TO MAKE IT RAIN FOR THEIR HOMEBOY SCOTT BROWN - Our new evergreen: "Next week, Brown backers are slated to hold at least two fundraisers to fill the coffers of Scott PAC and his campaign. On Dec. 7, his campaign is hosting a money bash at the National Theater, where the play 'Jersey Boys' is currently running. And on Dec. 11, Scott PAC is holding a fundraiser at Fed Ex Field when the Washington Redskins take on the New England Patriots. Financial service lobbyists and other K Street advocates have for weeks been working hard to help the freshman senator win his high-stakes battle for re-election against Elizabeth Warren, a liberal Harvard law professor. Warren is anathema for many finance-sector lobbyists and Wall Street leaders who abhor the newly created Consumer Financial Protection Bureau -- a centerpiece of the financial services overhaul -- of which Warren was the intellectual architect." [iWatch News]

It's the Warren campaign version of "K Street Gears Up For Something Something..."

THIS COULD GET AWKWARD - Why is Corzine still in the country? AP: "A congressional panel has subpoenaed former Sen. Jon Corzine to testify next week about his role leading MF Global, a brokerage firm that collapsed this fall after a disastrous bet on European debt. The Dec. 8 hearing will be a rare moment in Washington. Congressional historians and Capitol Hill insiders can't recall another time when a former member of Congress was summoned by his former peers to testify about a matter under federal investigation." Sounds like an episode of "Intervention." [AP]

NEWT GINGRICH HAS THOUGHTS ABOUT YOUR UTERUS - Newt Gingrich says life begins at implantation, not fertilization, giving his opponents an opportunity to be at least 24 hours more pro-life than him. In case you didn't take biology, that means when the egg implants itself into the -- actually, just Google it. "I think the question of being implanted is a very big question," Gingrich told ABC News' Jake Tapper. "My friends who have ideological positions that sound good don't then follow through the logic of 'So how many additional potential lives are they talking about? What are they going to do as a practical matter to make this real?'" [HuffPost]

MOTHER JONES WINS 'NEWT GINGRICH + PORN' SEARCH TERM - MoJo's Tim Murphy reports that Newt Gingrich helped prevent the creation of "an FCC for the internet" that would have criminalized things like Anthony Weiner twitpics. It also could have prohibited "the online distribution of Gingrich's first novel, 1945, in which a 'pouting sex kitten' -- who is also a Nazi -- seduces a White House aide in order to extract classified information," according to a Sen. Patrick Leahy floor speech from the time. [MoJo]

CAIN DEBUTS 'WOMEN FOR HERMAN CAIN,' FEATURING STOCK PHOTO WOMEN FOR HERMAN CAIN - With all the allegations of sexual misconduct, the Cain campaign decided what it really needed was a women's outreach effort to give the pizza-man's female supporters a forum to encourage him to stay in the race. First step, snap a picture of some of these women for the masthead to give it an authentic feel. Oh, wait: "If you've been around the Internet for a while, you can recognize a stock photo. And that is definitely a stock photo. Twitter user @delrayser even tracked it down on Shutterstock, which sells this kind of imagery for about $20 a pop. The photo is titled, 'Four happy young women holding their thumbs up.' Just for fun, we cut it out and uploaded it to Google Image Search to see if any other websites had used the same stock photo. The most prominent usage came on Aupairtracker.com, a site that still appears to be under development. The image also appears on the website of South Africa's number one sugar brand, Huletts." You know what they say: "If it's good enough for Hullets, it's good enough for Herman Cain," [The Atlantic]

IT'S OFFICIAL: NEXT GOP PRIMARY WILL ACTUALLY BE ELIMINATION-STYLE REALITY TV SHOW - Donald Trump is set to host a GOP presidential debate in Des Moines on December 27. We'd make some "seriously" comment here but come on, don't act like you're that surprised. [NYT]

Jon Huntsman is amused, but not really. His response tweet: "Lol. We look forward to watching Mitt and Newt suck-up to The Donald with a big bowl of popcorn. http://read.bi/sxW6Bq"

Which naturally leads us to more speculation about a potential third party run by Huntsman. Former New Jersey Gov. Christine Todd Whitman, who serves on the board of third-party cheerleaders Americans Elect, is asking him pretty please -- with a cherry on top -- to consider shaking up the race. You already got Buddy Roemer, Whitman, so BACK OFF! [Politico]

TYLER KINGKADE'S NEWS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED:- "When the LAPD went to shut down OccupyLA, they also arrested a photojournalist after shoving him. Chase banker: Yeah, blacks and Latinos sure did get stuck in a lot of those subprime loans. New Hampshire Republican leader warns of the dangers of letting those 'liberal' college kids have a vote. Florida Congressional members tell Obama 'We've had it with these monkey-fightin' snakes in this monkey-fightin' state!' But seriously, there's up to 100,000 pythons loose in Florida. Ohio Gov. John Kasich tells a crowd his life is better because he does not read newspapers." Thanks, Tyler!

BECAUSE YOU'VE READ THIS FAR - Kitty rave?

JEREMY'S WEATHER REPORT - The weekend in preview seems pretty easy: If you want to go out, this would be a good weekend to do it. The jet stream is nicely to our north, and with no real systems moving in, we'll see some nice weather. Somewhere in the 50s each day, though it will chill at night. To put it another way, if you're satisfied with what you've been seeing this week, you'll be pleased this weekend. Thanks, JB!

COMFORT FOOD
By @bradjshannon!

- Mom = fun police. [http://bit.ly/ucqieN]

- Here is a dog that can sneeze on command. [http://bit.ly/t57e94]

- Artist goes on an internet-funded vacation to a hotel room, draws for 5 days. [http://bit.ly/vzv7lQ]

- Fortunately, this guy's holiday cheer is not contagious. [http://bit.ly/rxzzMo]

- But this guy's cheer might be. [http://bit.ly/s7PV9f]

- NBC10, Rhode Island's news leader, brings us an EXCLUSIVE I-report on the plague that is beer pong. [http://bit.ly/u5Ym78]

- We understand, American Airlines workers. Dance the pain away. [http://bit.ly/ven1Wy]

TWITTERAMA

@EWErickson: Every day I get more "You know, Huntsman's not *that* bad" emails.

@lizzieohreally: Who ever thinks, "No, it will be fine - President Clinton will just stand there quietly"?

@KagroX: Lorena Bobbit would maybe be a good "Woman for Cain."

@TPM: Cain to meet with his wife today: tpm.ly/sEyqJC

ON TAP
By @tylerkingkade

TONIGHT

8:00pm: You know you want to see a mustache that requires a gallon of stache cream a week to keep it in check. So that's why you'll be at the charity event "Movember" and their gala at the Rock & Roll Hotel. Mustache judging begins at 9:30 p.m. Who will be 'Man of Movemeber 2011'? [1353 H St., NE.]

Weekend: Sen. Lisa Murkowski is heading to Utah for a weekend ski trip at First Tracks Ski Resort. [Deer Valley, Utah]

SATURDAY

5:00pm - 8:00pm: Rep. Gwen Moore (D-Wisc.) hits up a holiday concert with Wisconsin Idol's Adedapo & Adekola Adedapo. Who is she, you ask? You mean you missed her on American Idol?! [2419 E Kenwood, Milwaukee, Wisc.]

8:00pm: Aziz Ansari and other comedians have been telling people via YouTube to support Amit Gupta, who needs a bone marrow transplant due to acute leukemia. There will be a donor drive to help the National Bone Marrow Registry tonight. [3222 11th St. NW]

SUNDAY

12:00pm - 5:00pm: Gregory Meeks (D-N.Y.) is going to stick around this weekend to watch the Redskins likely loss this week against the New York Jets. [1600 Fedex Way, Landover]

12:30pm - 1:30pm: Rep. Laura Richardson grabs mimosas and brunch at B. Smith's right before her NAKID volleyball game. [50 Massachusetts Ave NE]

MONDAY

12:00pm - 1:00pm: Steve Israel, Steny Hoyer, Xavier Becerra, Nancy Pelosi, John Larson, Jim Clyburn, Donna Edwards and Yvette Clark will be raising money at a couple different fundraisers at Johnny's Half Shell. [400 North Capitol Street NW #175]

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