12/16/2011 03:24 pm ET

You Too Can Have A Bottom Like Pippa Middleton's

Right, ladies, it's time to draw up your wish list for Father Christmas. Close your eyes and conjure up your favourite money-can't-buy fantasy. You know the one: the magnificent, life-altering, destiny-changing transformation from also-ran mortal to globally-Googled goddess. Might I be correct in guessing that at top of the list would be The Bottom?

Yes, Pippa Middleton's scandalously pert posterior. Imagine it. The derriere that launched not merely a thousand ships, but a billion internet searches, fan sites and Facebook appreciation pages. And it can be yours. All yours. For keeps.