New Year's Resolutions Post Divorce: What Are Yours?

Forget the customary "lose weight" and "exercise more" New Year's resolutions. This year, HuffPost Divorce bloggers are getting real -- resolving to better their post-split lives in 2012.

Whether you're recently divorced or called it quits 20 years ago, there's always room for improvement in post-divorce relationships -- be it with your ex, your kids, or a new love. Here, we present New Year's resolutions from 10 HuffPost Divorce bloggers who are vowing to start the new year right.

Read through their post-divorce resolutions and tell us yours in the comments.

Comments

[dawn2dusk]

02:39 PM on 01/03/2012

I divorced my husband and we have two teens. I am happier than ever....

But, make no mistake: DIVORCE SUCKS (exponentially when kids are involved)

[eatthestrawberries]

09:19 AM on 01/03/2012

So far I've found that actively looking for simple ways to bless my ex and his new wife, or speak well of them - seems to go a lot farther than trying 'not' to do anything else. As hard as it feels sometimes in the moment, it actually softens my heart, helps break down some of those painful walls, and make space for more real healing to happen.

So this year I hope to do not only less of the tearing down, but more of the building up. At the end of the day, because of our 3 little boys involved, they still feel like a kind of crazy extended family and hurting them only hurts myself and those sweet little boys more. I wrote something about it here a couple months ago after a big 'blended' birthday party! http://eatthestrawberries.com/2011/10/us-and-them/

Thanks HuffPost Bloggers, for reminding us to keep our eyes looking forward in 2012!

[CSNC]

03:54 PM on 01/02/2012

"HuffPost Bloggers Reveal 10 Post-Divorce Resolutions"

There should be only one: "Never to marry again."

H

[boydlemon]

01:39 PM on 01/02/2012

Resolve to be always aware that divorce is not just a loss, it is an opportunity to start a new life, a better life and to work on understanding who we really are and what we really want.

Boyd Lemon-Author of “Eat, Walk, Write: An American Senior’s Year of Adventure in Paris and Tuscany,” and "Digging Deep: A Writer Uncovers His Marriages," the author’s journey to understand his role in the destruction of his three marriages. Information and excerpts: http://www.BoydLemon-Writer.com.

[centi celsius]

12:09 PM on 01/02/2012

New Years resolution: "May you live as long as you want too .. may you want too as long as you live"

[Baldheaded Fool]

11:34 AM on 01/02/2012

Continue to embrace the wonderful world of self-gratification and avoid the expense, drama, and consequences of a marital relationship gone bad.

[rickpark1]

12:46 AM on 01/02/2012

stay single for another ten years....

[Amber Dawes]

12:45 AM on 01/02/2012

I'm going to try to focus on real love -- for my parents and kids. I want real love after my husband left me.

Here's an article that helped inspire my new love hunt: http://kissingup2.blogspot.com/#!/2011/11/love-is-new-black.html

[OneMomsBatlle]

11:50 PM on 01/01/2012

Continue to set boundaries and limits with my ex.
Continue to find the positives in the "yuck".
Live in the moment and appreciate where I am now.

Tina ( www.onemomsbattle.com )

[btownnj]

05:42 PM on 01/01/2012

Find a way to hve my nutty, soon to be ex-husband's meds upped..

[dawn2dusk]

02:36 PM on 01/03/2012

I need to get mine put on meds!

[Zalkreb]

04:29 PM on 01/01/2012

A couple I'd like to see on there:

- Arrange for equal 50-50 shared physical custody of the children with my ex.

- Stop demanding my ex pay me a third of his income or go to jail.

Having lunch more often might not have quite the same positive effect that these two would have.

[mijumom]

08:24 PM on 01/01/2012

Any resolutions for yourself? To improve yourself and your own life?

[Zalkreb]

10:35 AM on 01/02/2012

Thanks for your interest, mijumom. Sure. I limit myself to a single New Year's resolution, because I've found that when I have a list of them, it's difficult to accomplish them all, and I often don't pay adequate attention to the most important. So, I prioritize ruthlessly and pare it down to one. Having said that, I have some other plans, naturally, but they don't have the status of New Year's resolutions.

However, I think you missed the point of my comment, which was that none of the resolutions this blogger suggested deal with two of the biggest problems that dog many if not most divorced couples. Those are, the father's eviction from his children's lives, and the requirement -- backed up by prison -- that he pay his former partner the equivalent of everything he can earn from New Year's Day to May Day every year.

Resolving to talk to your ex is admirable and helpful, no doubt. But what a lot of divorced fathers would appreciate more than anything, and what would help the kids more than anything, is a chance to actually be a father, rather than something more akin to a favorite uncle.

Are any divorced mothers out there willing to resolve to agree to equal 50-50 shared physical custody of the kids? Or is that asking too much of you?

[Dogma]

02:05 PM on 01/01/2012

Have "Lunch" two times a month... Suuure. Gotcha. The subtext wasn't lost on me. I saw what was on the "Lunch" menu.

[AZLibDem]

12:58 PM on 01/01/2012

"Communicate Better With My Son's Father"
"Focus On My Children"
"Pick My Battles"
"Buy Lingerie"
"Remember The Good Times"
"Have Lunch With My Ex"
"Act And Think Differently"
"Not Let My Ex Push My Buttons"
"Keep My Private Life Private"

This honestly sounds like a list for avoiding divorce.

[Box500]

11:21 PM on 01/01/2012

Why treat a man with respect when married to him? Threats, ultimatums, and rationing affection work so beautifully in most marriages.

[filtersweep]

11:02 AM on 01/01/2012

As a man....I'm thinking my estranged wife wouldn't appreciate finding stray lingerie in the house.

Just saying...

[KIVPossum]

10:51 AM on 01/01/2012

I resolved to avoid sex with the ex wife. It's worked for years now.