MIAMI
01/11/2012 12:11 pm ET Updated Mar 12, 2012

Miami Is Rude And Can't Drive, Says Yet Another Travel And Leisure 'American's Greatest Cities' Survey

Surprise, surprise: Miamians are hot, dumb, rude and can't drive. So says everyone, and so says the latest annual America's Favorite Cities poll from Travel + Leisure. But apparently we here in the 305 are even ruder than usual: from a fourth-place showing last year, Miami is now in a hot mess of second place, with visitors to our fair city ranking us right behind the original curt-sters in New York City.

(Hilariously, Miamians themselves ranked the city the most rude of all, meaning we're not even bothering to pretend any more.)

America's Favorite Cities is only as scientific as people on the Internet taking polls about 35 destinations, but with the exception of slamming our lack of historical sites and monuments, fairly gosh darn accurate (did no one hear LeBron take his talents to a neighborhood on the National Register for Historic Places? Yeesh). Check out how the 305 fared, and before you get your dander up about the lack of arts recognition, know this: Miamians themselves ranked the city just as poorly in culture categories as did outsiders. Ouch.

Miami ranked in the bottom 10, according to visitors, in:

Driving ability
Friendly
Intelligent
Proud of their city
Sports-crazed
Tech-savvy
Classical music
Historic sites/monuments
Museums/galleries
Theatre/performance art
Antique stores
Flea markets
Hamburgers
Microbrew beer
Pizza
Affordability
Cleanliness
Peace and quiet
Public parks and outdoor access (WHA?)
Public transportation and pedestrian-friendliness
Wireless coverage
Place to visit during 4th of July, fall, and summer
Base for day trips
Cultural getaway
Family trip
Pet-friendly vacation

Miami ranked in the top 10, according to visitors, in:

Attractive
Stylish
Cocktail hour
Singles/bar scene
Luxury stores
Weather
Place to visit during New Year's Eve and winter
Wild weekend

So, in other words, we're vapid, devoid of culture, running people off the road, unable to work electronics, anti-brewski, bad at basic food staples, sucking at green space, and fair weather fans, and there's next to nothing nice about us. But we look good in this dress, right? OF COURSE WE DO: it's all that matters. Victory!

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