Apparently at the beginning of her career the songstress promised her firstborn child in return for her talent, beauty and dancing abilities, and now the witch is making good on their agreement by confiscating the already-famous infant.
We're pretty sure there isn't a celebrity power couple big enough to give us a replacement buzz-baby, so between the grief and making a new heir to the Throne, Jay and Bey have their work cut out for them these next few months.
You can catch "Onion News Network" on Tuesdays at 10:00 p.m. EST on IFC for more stories like this.
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