Stephen Colbert Ends Run For President, But Jon Stewart Won't Return Super PAC (VIDEO)

Stephen Colbert's satirical campaign for president came to an end Monday night, when he announced on "The Colbert Report" that he is ending his exploratory committee and re-suspending Herman Cain's suspended campaign as well.

According to The Note, the stunt was meant to draw attention to the problems of independent expenditure committees, commonly referred to as super PACs, in political contests.

A few short weeks later, Colbert came in fifth place in the South Carolina primary via a proxy vote with former GOP candidate Herman Cain.

Although Cain/Colbert got over 6,000 votes -- far more than former candidates Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann and Jon Huntsman -- they only received 1% of the total vote, and that's just not enough for Colbert to carry on, even satirically.

"It is with a heavy heart and a spastic colon that I am re-suspending Herman Cain's suspended campaign," Colbert said. "Also, I am officially ending my exploratory committee to run for President of the United States of South Carolina."

So what now? When Colbert decided to explore a run for President, he asked his friend Jon Stewart to take over his super PAC. Now that he's no longer running, Colbert wants to regain control of The Definitely Not Coordinating With Stephen Colbert Super PAC.

He may be out of luck.

As he showed "via satelitte" on Monday night's "Colbert Report," Stewart has been thoroughly enjoying the process of playing with Colbert's money. He also responded to the request with an email telling him to "take a long walk off a short go-f%¢#-yourself."

Here's the full text of the humorous e-mail Stewart sent to his super PAC "supporters":

Dear Super PAC Super People,

Hey, it's Jon again. As you know, a while back, I took over this Super PAC so that my friend and business partner Stephen Colbert could explore possibly running for President of the United States of America of South Carolina (maybe).

Unfortunately, he never connected with voters, despite nearly a week of part-time campaigning, culminating in a massive rally at the College of Charleston.

Now, Stephen's exploratory phase is over. And like most exploratory phases, it was strange, awkward, and ended not long after he left campus.

Today he asked me if he if he could retake control of The Definitely Not Coordinating With Stephen Colbert Super PAC. I told him, with all due respect, to go take a long walk off a short go-f%¢#-yourself.

Are you kidding me? This thing is a pile of money, sitting on top of a heap of cash, sitting on top of a mountain of moolah. And I'm going to spend it. But in a legal, responsible way. For example, I just bought a jaguar! And I'm going to buy that jaguar its own Jaguar, and teach it to drive me around!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go – my official Super PAC Private Zeppelin is about to land and the pilot told me I have to turn off all electronic devices. Which sucks, I was about to score a bingo on Words With Friends. Oh, the H-U-M-A-N-I-T-Y!

In conclusion: I'm rich! Rich, I tell you, rich!

Jon Stewart
President For Life For Ever
The Definitely Not Coordinating With Stephen Colbert Super PAC

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Comments

[MissFrijole]

09:09 AM on 01/25/2012

I am sad that Colbert is out of his satirical race. I would have been very happy to see him run for real, though. But if that happened, he wouldn't be able to keep being on the Colbert Report. I remember back when Schwarzenegger was running for governor, they couldn't play any of his movies on TV, in case it created a bias with the voters. I think we would survive without the Colber Report. We still have the Daily Show! And after Colbert is done being president, he can go back to his show, if he wanted to. LOL

[jamuelle]

01:58 AM on 01/25/2012

He can't stop now!!!!!!!!! We need what amounts to the Public Service Announcements he is providing!

[CASnyder]

01:40 AM on 01/25/2012

I predict after much begging & attempted bribing or black-mailing on Colbert's part, Jon Stewart will get the urge to run for Master of the Universe, and Steve may get his baby back so Jon can run, too. They can't stop milking the SuperPAC thing yet and make us go through this campaign sober!

[mollynova]

10:02 PM on 01/24/2012

So sad. He was the sanest of the GOP bunch.

[tidalwave4455]

06:55 PM on 01/24/2012

Newt now has to answer some questions about a non-profit organization that allowed him to use their private jet running up free trips worth more than one million dollars. Its winter here in MN, I wonder if I could declare a run for Congress (Tea Party, Far-Right, etc. etc.so a lot of money will start to roll in). Then I would like do some 'fact-finding' trips via private jet to Hawaii, Rio, etc. Then I could withdraw from the race, keep the Super-Pac money and use any left over for further fact-finding trips next winter.

[mollynova]

10:04 PM on 01/24/2012

Just remember that you can use the money for leasing a multi-million dollar home, indefinitely, but you can't buy the home with the money. Rules are rules, you know...

[Limpbaugh]

05:45 PM on 01/24/2012

If Colbert could have gotten in the debates he'd be the front runner.

[marlainWA]

05:42 PM on 01/24/2012

Jons email gave me the best laugh today. Thanks Jon!

[Kat Posing]

05:16 PM on 01/24/2012

Oh Come ON!!! I was SO looking forward to their shinanigans in other states!

See! Now I'm considering starting my own Super PAC. This is great!!

[Quislet]

05:05 PM on 01/24/2012

I guess Steven took Chuck Todd's criticism to heart.

Maybe if Mr. Todd and his colleagues did their jobs better we wouldn't need satirists like Colbert & Stewart.

[mzkitti]

05:02 PM on 01/24/2012

Comedy cures a lot of evil.. I thought about Jon and Stephen the other night when Newt Gingrich so visciously attacked John King in one of the debates.
If John King had made a comment to make people laugh he would have completely disarmed Gingrich.
Instead John King looked so stricken and Gingrich never did answer the question.I would pay good money to see Jon or Stephen take over Meet the Press one of these Sundays.
What a great stand-in either one of them would be for that wimp David Gregory.

[MarkAntney]

07:52 PM on 01/24/2012

Actually he did answer he lied.

He basically said he had friends that were witnesses that it wasn't true?

How would ANY of his friends know if he asked his (then) wife for an Open Marriage?

[CASnyder]

01:34 AM on 01/25/2012

I think that comment about his friends was also intended to imply that he'd not been adulterous while married to wife #2, but his friends also have to know the truth about that because mistress/wife #3 confessed publically, so more lies. He is nearly as good an actor as Jon or Steven, but with the truth of his obvious hypocrisy on their side, they would have skewered him had he tried his crocodile tears on them.

[Papapaul49]

04:31 PM on 01/24/2012

Only the boys could come up with this!
What will 10 more months of this bring, madness, strained abdominal and core muscles from laughing, a mini child birth boom?

Thanks guys.

[baileywick]

04:24 PM on 01/24/2012

Well done, Stephen and Jon, well done.

[Brenbooks]

04:21 PM on 01/24/2012

I can hardly wait for the next SuperPac ads run by these two brilliant minds and their writing teams who do more for speaking truth to power than 99% of so-called journalists!

They are the top 1% of comedic minds!

[savory1]

04:14 PM on 01/24/2012

Darn it, Colbert was the best thing that happened in South Carolina!

[valluhree]

04:13 PM on 01/24/2012

Egads, Colbert, you've been had!! Hoodwinked, even!! That dastardly John Stewart...