Tyler Clementi’s Suicide And Dharun Ravi’s Trial : The New Yorker

newyorker.com:

Dharun Ravi grew up in Plainsboro, New Jersey, in a large, modern house with wide expanses of wood flooring and a swimming pool out back. Assertive and athletic, he used “DHARUNISAWESOME” as a computer password and played on an Ultimate Frisbee team. At the time of his high-school graduation, in 2010, his parents bought space in the West Windsor and Plainsboro High School North yearbook. “Dear Dharun, It has been a pleasure watching you grow into a caring and responsible person,” the announcement said. “You are a wonderful son and brother. . . . Keep up your good work. Hold on to your dreams and always strive to achieve your goals. We know that you will succeed.”

Read the whole story: newyorker.com

Comments

[Doug11]

06:33 PM on 02/18/2012

Ravi has a legal right to be biased against homosexuals if he wants to be. This isn't an employment or housing discrimination case.

There was no intimidation.

[Doug11]

06:31 PM on 02/18/2012

As for invasion of privacy, they were roommates, sharing a single room. It was Ravi's right to be there any time he wanted. He could have walked in on Clementi kissing another man at any time. If Clementi wanted to be able to expect privacy he should have gone somewhere other than their shared room. As well Ravi didn't circulated the video on the web. He only issued a single tweet about seeing his roommate kiss another man. Big whoop.

The serious charge here however is "bias intimidation". Ravi made no threats against Clementi, he did no bullying, he merely gossiped about him, providing a single piece of true information. If Clementi was so embarassed about being discovered to be gay, she should have hid it better.

But as it is, we don't even know that's why he committed suicide. He'd been depressed for a long time. Anyway, that was certainly not forseeable.

That this is being brought to trial at all is a travesty. I think it should be summarily dissmissed after the prosecution presents it's case.

[UpperWSider]

05:26 PM on 02/08/2012

What Ravi did was mean spirited and, apparently, a crime. But am I the only one that thinks it's unusual to ask your freshman college roommate who you don't know well to leave the room for hours so you can have sex? Where was Ravi supposed to go for those hours? Of course he was curious. Peeping Toms have been around forever. He probably would have turned on his webcam if Clementi's visitor had been a woman. And pre-Twitter, I'm sure he would have told people. What's the established etiquette for having sex in a shared dorm room?

[Comment100]

12:01 PM on 02/05/2012

While I am shocked at Ravi's behavior and believe that his actions are reprehensible, I'm also deeply disappointed by Rutgers. The article quotes a text Tyler sent a friend saying that he was "afraid" Ravi may have hidden another camera, and the prosecution is wisely going to use that as evidence of Tyler's fear of Ravi. But what about all the posts and conversations he had about being scared to go to the school's administration? Here’s an excerpt:

“I’m just not a great self advocate and am afraid that if I go to the wrong party, I won’t get the help I need.” He went on, “I’m just worried about things becoming a huge mess after this cuz i mean, someone reports you and then you might have to spend the rest of the semester living with them anyway because of stupid administration and then there’s the chance I could get a new roommate that’s even worse. ”

That also sounds fearful to me. Whatever happened in the room for the hour he and Ravi shared it after Tyler formally complained may have been a deep source of anxiety for him. He had expressed hesitations about this exact situation. I hope that all college campuses take this seriously and try to protect future whistleblowers. Tyler bravely decided to come forward and stand up for himself, and I hope that students considering doing the same feel encouraged and protected by their schools in the future.

[Robert SF]

07:14 PM on 02/01/2012

I read the New Yorker piece, and it looks like we had one person, weaker than average, and another person, more of a jerk than average, and things got out of hand. As much as I regret that Tyler took his life, and as much as I disapprove of Dharun's mean character, I don't think Dharun should be put behind bars.

What we really need is ACTIVE parenting. In both cases, it's pretty clear that the parents watched their children grow up, all the time thinking, oh, my lovely child, but they never actually transferred values or life lessons. Tyler's parents should have known that their shy, meek little boy was going to be attacked throughout childhood. It's been that way forever. They should have stiffened him up. The same goes for Dharun's parents. Even without noticing what a cocky little bunghole their son was turning into, they should have taught him empathy. That goes for all parents, not just the parents of Tyler and Dharun.

[Kyle Tony]

09:20 PM on 02/04/2012

Don't underestimate Tyler's mother's religious leanings. Ian Parker only explored Jane Clementi's relationship with her son as much as he pertinently could. It didn't seem like the writer of this piece wanted to grill a grieving mother, but Parker does mention a blow up between mother and son over his coming out. Her rejection of Tyler could clearly be seen as a direct result of her religious choice. As an evangelical living in New Jersey, she is an oddball. And perhaps this made Tyler feel a little strange too. Either way, Tyler was forced to repress

[Kyle Tony]

09:30 PM on 02/04/2012

...repress his homosexuality which led to his seeking sexual partners on the internet.

And to put it bluntly, his father's reaction to his coming out was only a little less negative. Rather than saying something along the lines of "it gets better," his father said (paraphrasing), "don't kill yourself!" Was Ravi a huge jerk? CLEARLY. Was he a bigot? Only because he was raised by bigots. Give the kid credit, he didn't harbor the same sentiments toward gays that people like his friend Jason Tam did. He was a desperate loser and a wannabe ladies man.

Parker's piece forces us to ask a great question: Who can say why Tyler killed himself? Who can say one person is guilty? And while the point of this piece is not to make readers to point fingers (quite the opposite), I would be more apt to say Jane Clementi's fringe religious views are the reason Tyler jumped off the George Washington Bridge. Or perhaps MB spurned him. Either way, Tyler was a beautiful human being who didn't need to do this. But if we asked Tyler about bullying laws, I think the kid who didn't even want to go to the authorities when he found a hidden camera in his room would probably "lol."

[Nathan Lund]

07:32 AM on 02/13/2012

While I agree with the discussion of culpability in the general sense, and I also find society more to blame than any individual, it is important to recognize that this case is not about Tyler's suicide. This case deals solely with the two incidents. Often they are conflated to some sort of manslaughter charge, but that misrepresents the case. Convicting Dharun would not be blaming him for Tyler's death. It would be blaming him for the incidents, regardless of whether they provoked Tyler's suicide. Alternatively, lack of a conviction would not say he did not play a role in the suicide, it would only mean that his other actions were not worthy of a conviction. Though it's debatable whether charges would have been filed, if Tyler were still alive, this case would still be viable, because it is not contingent upon his death.

To say that he should not be punished for breaking those laws just because he is not culpable for a subsequent death is impracticable legally. It's an important distinction to make, especially because people who care about this case are often misinformed in many ways. A conviction would effectually say nothing about the suicide, this is why the judge has denied the use of evidence pertaining to the suicide; it is irrelevant.

Your questions are still very important, though. We definitely need to have these discussions, but we must also realize that they are separate from the case.

[Firehorsegirl]

08:38 AM on 01/31/2012

What happened in that hour in the dorm room between Ravi and Tyler? What was said that made suicide the only viable option?

[lasjazzman]

07:43 AM on 01/31/2012

As I finished reading this, I was struck by things that I will be actively processing for a very long time. Even with so many more of the previously unreported details coming to light in this well researched and detailed article, certain conclusions remain unchanged for me - the actions of Ravi, and to a much lesser extent, Lei, as well as the reactions of many of those that were alerted in some form to what Ravi was cruelly exposing, led directly to the tragic and unnecessary suicide of Tyler Clementi. The often unending and vicious bombardment of blows, both cyber sent and person to person that LGBT young people suffer is horrific, unconscionable - and needless!!! That said, the thoughts that will be lingering with me after reading this are these: it has always been a tricky, often painful and even occasionally dangerous process for a child to grow through the teenage years to reach true adulthood as a reasonably well adjusted, intelligent and healthy person. Imagine having to do that with your brain wired so that your every thought and impulse as well as every word you utter is instantly transmitted to everyone you know and often to anyone else who happens to hear them - and then you are subject to everyone's responses - all at once - from the insanely moronic to the much smaller group of helpful or insightful!!! This is precisely what our kids of today must cope with....

[cindylou1962]

07:03 AM on 01/31/2012

In our age of technology (which unfortunately includes mindless, rampant voyeurism), it is now more important than ever that parents simply do a better job of instilling core values and characteristics in their children, which is as basic as discussing kindness and compassion. However, sadly, that's probably more than a lot to ask when many of the adults aren't capable of exhibiting same in their own life.

The level of grief and humiliation that Tyler felt right before he died is something no human being should ever have to endure in a civilized society (or actually any place beyond hell).

[Nathan Lund]

08:09 AM on 02/13/2012

The crux of the issue truly is values. The norms of privacy and self-censorship have unfortunately deteriorated to the point that notions of public and private are nearly indistinguishable. With the erosion of privacy leaving very few aspects of our lives out of the public sphere, everyone, child and adult alike, is subjected to a new level of scrutiny. It is a cultural change that has developed faster than our ideas about it have.

The new difficulty is, "What do we do about it?" I cannot think of a successful attempt at dictating culture, so short of developing countrywide, Inception-style technology to alter ideologies, I am at a loss.

[liyah623]

02:13 AM on 01/31/2012

Oddly enough no one has picked up on some of the factors that may have contributed to this situation
Tylers mom did not seem supportive of him. Infact he described her as being distant when he told her and yet we also are told that he was very close to her. He actually mentioned that the reaction he got from his mom was one he expected from his dad but his dad was very supportive.
Strangely whilst we can focus on the impact Ravi had on him we should not forget that his own mom had not been very accepting when he came out

[123dee]

03:06 AM on 01/31/2012

His own mom, isn't it a shame. We have politicians and preachers
fostering this unconstitutional premise, if you are gay you should be
unwanted and bullied.

[jamsie]

04:11 AM on 01/31/2012

Yes, it's a crying shame. I thank what ever gods there may be that I had wonderful, enlightened, very supportive parents and grandparents. I wish all gay youths could have what I had.

[Firehorsegirl]

08:31 AM on 01/31/2012

Yes, but it was a very short period of time that she knew -- weeks? Some parents, sadly, take years! Her reaction could/should have been better but I don't think she should shoulder blame. She would have come around but this Ravi thing pushed him over the edge at a very vulnerable time - starting college. Ravi has this burden to bear as he grows up.

[Richcrafter]

01:57 AM on 01/31/2012

Ravi is a victim of his own poor choices.
Tyler a victim of a shameFUL society made up of Ravis.

[ydnas639]

08:16 AM on 01/31/2012

and Newts, and Santorums, and Bachmanns, and Palins, etc.
Our churches are the worst. Hate sells and fills the collection plates. It's disgusting.

[Bernie Fine]

12:27 AM on 01/31/2012

Wow. "Shocked the nation" ??? According to whom? The overstating of a situation to bring attention to the plight of gays in this country really discredits the New Yorker and HP. It was an unusual situation, yes. "Shocked the nation"???? Hardly. You only give credence to those who say you're pushing a pro-gay/liberal agenda. Those three words -- "shocked the nation" -- are clearly editorializing and not needed. Play it straight (no pun intended). If the nation is actually shocked by it, then so be it. But b /c HP and the New Yorker say so doesn't make it true. They clearly want the nation to be shocked. And those of us who arent -- I'm not; people killing themselves over stupid stuff happens every day -- will be branded as insensitive by the PC police. But I don't care. I just dont like a political agenda slant to my news. Leave that to the minions at Fox Noise

[CheapTrick]

01:58 AM on 01/31/2012

You must be a hoot at parties.

(for the record, MANY people were shocked by the story, how he was outed to fellow classmates, how he was cyber-stalked and bullied. Many older people had never really thought of the way new technology meant that students weren't even safe in their own rooms with the blinds drawn and the doors locked. Many people were horrified by how two otherwise "nice" kids would pull such a mean stunt. complain all you want about the PC police but this story was front page news for weeks and it still is over a year later.)

[cindylou1962]

06:13 AM on 01/31/2012

I, for one, was definitely shocked by this incident/tragedy -- and believe me, I've seen more than my share of "stuff."

(F&F)

[Bernie Fine]

10:37 AM on 01/31/2012

Many people being shocked does not equal THE NATION. This case doesn't come anywhere close to the Casey Anthony verdict. To say that about that case would be accurate. Not this one. I'm not referring to you and your circle of friends or people you know. This story was not transcendent. Call it straight down the middle and w/o bias. HP and the New Yorker failed.

[Angrysheepherder]

12:24 AM on 01/31/2012

May God bless and keep you always,
May your wishes all come true,
May you always do for others
And let others do for you.
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous,
May you grow up to be true,
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you.
May you always be courageous,
Stand upright and be strong,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy,
May your feet always be swift,
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift.
May your heart always be joyful,
May your song always be sung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pglt9dSjLxQ&feature=BFa&list=AVGxdCwVVULXe9G_hdyl3JFXf4uK_qivs1&lf=artist

and that's all I have to say about that.

[Javagold]

12:09 AM on 01/31/2012

Not Guilty

[Dastius-Krazitauc]

11:44 PM on 01/30/2012

From this account, Tyler seemed okay before that last hour spent alone in the dorm room with Ravi. Before that, he seemed to be going about his day in a normal way, he had reported the incident and it looked like he was probably going to get a different room, then came the hour alone with Ravi that we don't know anything about, and afterwards Tyler headed to the bridge.

[JerseyGiant]

11:20 PM on 01/30/2012

So where are the new details? Everything in the New Yorker has been known for some time.

[CheapTrick]

01:58 AM on 01/31/2012

Yeah, I'm confused about that, too.

[Profwanda]

08:23 AM on 01/31/2012

No confusion. The new details are in the heads of the people at AOL/HP who will drive this site into irrelevance with these kinds of "shockers" (their favorite word!).

[ebsrule55]

08:28 PM on 02/04/2012

I don't see any claims of new details. The New Yorker piece humanizes the sensationalized headlines, though, and that's as important as anything.

[JerseyGiant]

12:46 PM on 02/05/2012

The Huff post changed the article. The original piece that referenced the New Yorker article said there were new details.