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HUFFPOST HILL - Everybody Hates Newt

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History's most disgusting term and history's most wholesome term collided today when Santorum Tebowed. Roseanne Barr is running for president, even though we're pretty sure she was stripped of her voting rights after murdering the National Anthem. And Susan G. Komen is super G. sorry. This is HUFFPOST HILL for Friday, February 3rd, 2012:

When does the Super Bowl start? This helpful website will answer all of your questions... sort of.

NEVADA CAUCUSES TOMORROW: ROMNEY UP BY SCORE OF PWN TO ZERO - PPP: "Mitt Romney is headed for a dominant victory in Nevada on Saturday. PPP finds him polling at 50% to 25% for Newt Gingrich, 15% for Ron Paul, and 8% for Rick Santorum. Certainly in Nevada the Mormon vote will get a lot of attention and Romney leads Paul 78-14 with that group, which we project to account for 20% of the vote. But Romney's dominance in Nevada goes well beyond that. He's winning voters describing as 'very conservative,' a group he's had huge amount of trouble with in other states, by a 43-34 margin over Gingrich. He's also winning men, women, Hispanics, whites, and every age group that we track. This will be a pretty thorough victory for him. The bad news for Gingrich isn't just that's headed for a distant second place finish. Nevada Republicans actively dislike him, with only 41% holding a favorable opinion of him to 49% with a negative one. That's an indication that GOP voters might be starting to sour on him again, sending his numbers back to pre-South Carolina levels." [PPP]

@BuddyRoemer: Good News: The FEC has certified that I am the first presidential candidate to become eligible for federal matching funds.

REPUBLICAN NOMINATION TANTRUM HEADING FROM CONGRESS TO COURTS - Mike McAuliff: "A group of 39 Republican senators signed on to a letter Friday promising to join lawsuits against President Obama's recent recess appointments of consumer finance watchdog Richard Cordray and three National Labor Relations Board members. Obama made the appointments on Jan. 4 while senators were on their winter break, but were still holding 'pro forma' sessions in order to prevent such appointments. The move broke precedent, but it was equally unprecedented for the House to refuse to let the Senate adjourn, or for senators to block a nominee because they don't like an agency -- in this case the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau."

PARANOID SELF-LOATHING GOP LOBBYIST GETS CUTE WITH WORDS - Our favorite Paranoid Self-Loathing GOP Lobbyist, who wrote his enemies list with a Ouija board, has a notion what President Obama MUST think of corporate raiders and their lobbyist lackeys in Washington. "Romney says Gingrich is corrupt because he lobbied. Gingrich says Romney is terrible because he worked in private equity. No doubt Obama would think that the sellout Dem LOBBYISTS working for PRIVATE EQUITY's billion dollar campaign are the Worst People in the World." Thanks, PSLGOPL!

DAILY DELANEY DOWNER - The unemployment rate went down to 8.3 percent in January. Good news! Here is a piece of bad news: 1.8 million people had been out of work 99 weeks or longer, up from 1.7 million at the same time last year. That's a big slice of the 5.5 million who've been jobless six months or longer. These people are in trouble.

@PeterHambyCNN: Asked about the new unemployment numbers on the ropeline by @ShepherdCNN, Newt says: "No, I haven't seen them yet."

REPORTERS TO BOEHNER: U MAD, BRO? - A reporter at Friday morning's GOP news conference asked Speaker Boehner if he really thought the jobs report was so bad: "This has been a very negative news conference despite the good news this morning. Aren't the numbers some indication that the economy is headed in the right direction under the president's policies?" "I think I made it clear there's certainly some positive news here," Boehner said. "But the point we're making is that we could do a lot better. If the president would work with us on the bills that have passed the House that are awaiting action in the Senate, the American economy could do better." Another reporter seemed baffled by the negativity: "You've been in control for a year. You've had some success in controlling spending. Why don't you take credit for some of the good news in the economy instead of talking down what most people see as good news?" "What I'm suggesting to you to you today is that we could do better," Boehner said. "The American people are still asking the question, Where are the jobs? While the unemployment rate is down slightly, and a few more Americans are at work, we still have millions of Americans that are looking for work." [HuffPost]

Don't be bashful: Send tips/stories/photos/events/fundraisers/job movement/juicy miscellanea to huffposthill@huffingtonpost.com. Follow us on Twitter - @HuffPostHill

AS NAPOLEON SAID: 'ARMIES TRAVEL ON THEIR MANDATORY FAMILY NIGHTS' - BuzzFeed: "But while it's no secret that Romney's coreligionists have swelled the ranks at campaign stops from Des Moines to Reno, one question about the Mormon vote has gone largely unanswered this primary season: How, exactly, have they gotten so organized? 'We heard about it from some friends in our [LDS] ward,' said one woman standing outside a rally held in a Las Vegas hotel supply warehouse. 'We're so glad we could make it.' Another Mormon standing nearby chimed in, 'Everyone we know is voting for Mitt!' The secret to the grassroots success lies, in part, in the unique national structure and scrupulous record-keeping of the Utah-headquartered Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. While the church itself is politically neutral, it contains the structural groundwork for one of the most organized and effective voting blocs in the country--something Romney is poised to capitalize on." [BuzzFeed]

READING THE TEA LEAVES BEFORE HEALTH CARE GOES TO SCOTUS - Mike Sacks: "In a January interview on the Hoover Institution's web series, 'Uncommon Knowledge,' Professor John Yoo of Berkeley Law, a prominent conservative, predicted Justice Anthony Kennedy, the Court's moderate vote, and Roberts would likely to join the four liberals to uphold the Affordable Care Act's individual mandate. 'Roberts cares about the institutional permanence of the Court and protecting it from politics,' Yoo said. 'I could see Roberts going with the majority' to exercise his prerogative as chief justice 'to control who got to write the opinion to keep it as narrow as possible.' According to the Kaiser poll, this kind of decision would be responsive to public opinion. While 67 percent of those polled don't believe health care reform's individual mandate is constitutional, half want the the law kept as it is or expanded. Narrowing Congress' commerce powers without striking down the health care mandate, then, would address the public's constitutional concerns without altering a law that promotes a policy that most people like." [HuffPost]

SANTORUM MIGHT NOT BE ON THE BALLOT IN A STATE THAT WON'T VOTE FOR HIM ANYWAY- BuzzFeed: "Rick Santorum is on the verge of being left off the ballot in the the Indiana primary, three sources told BuzzFeed Friday. The former Pennsylvania senator is more than 30 signatures short of the 500 needed in the 7th Congressional district, which includes Marion County, where Indianapolis is located, a source close to the Santorum campaign said. The Marion County chief deputy of voter registration on the Democratic side, Scott Carr, confirmed that Santorum had not submitted 500 valid signatures. An Indiana Republican source said Santorum is 'a couple dozen' signatures short, but that Newt Gingrich will be on the ballot. Santorum advisor Hogan Gidley said the campaign believes it has submitted enough valid signatures, and expects to pass the bar after a recount." [BuzzFeed]

SUSAN G. PWNED FOR THE PWNED - Amirite? Amirite?!? AMIRITE?!? Laura Bassett: "Following a massive public backlash over its decision to pull funding for breast cancer screenings from Planned Parenthood, Susan G. Komen for the Cure founder Nancy Brinker apologized to the family planning organization on Friday and said Komen will preserve its eligibility for future grants...To be clear, Komen's apology is not a promise to renew Planned Parenthood grants. It's a promise to "continue to fund existing grants" to the organization -- which it was already planning on doing -- and to make it eligible for future grants. At no point in the press release does Brinker promise that Komen will renew grants to Planned Parenthood." [HuffPost]

Confirmed: the inevitable death of any meme comes when Rick Santorum does it.

BECAUSE YOU'VE READ THIS FAR - The dog cloning machine worked better than expected.

GOODMAN FOR VEEP?- AP: "Roseanne Barr said Thursday she's running for the Green Party's presidential nomination - and it's no joke. The actress-comedian said in a statement that she's a longtime supporter of the party and looks forward to working with people who share her values. She said the two major parties aren't serving the American people. 'The Democrats and Republicans have proven that they are servants -- bought and paid for by the 1% -- who are not doing what's in the best interest of the American people,' Barr said...Barr said she has been fighting for working-class families and women for decades. 'I will barnstorm American living rooms,' she said in a candidate questionnaire submitted to the Green Party. 'Mainstream media will be unable to ignore me, but more importantly they will be unable to overlook the needs of average Americans in the run-up to the 2012 election.'" [AP]

COMFORT FOOD
By @bradjshannon!

- Anything you can do, he can do biking. [http://bit.ly/yrwKgN]

- The FBI phoned Scotland Yard to discuss Anonymous. We know this because Anonymous snuck onto the conference call and posted it on the internet. Keep up the good work, intelligence services! [http://bit.ly/yw8rFe]

- Think of all the people who were approached by this product's inventor and said, "YES. Let me invest in THAT." [http://bit.ly/wq0IkB]

- Here are some high school students who don't know things that you probably think they should know. [http://bit.ly/zBelry]

- A great marketing campaign by a beer company!?!? [http://bit.ly/xUyvlV]

- We thought "video postcards" were a stupid idea until we watched this beauty. [http://bit.ly/y8duXq]

- This lady can predict the future using asparagus. BELIEVE. [http://bit.ly/wCNQce]

TWITTERAMA

@delrayser: "So, uh... about that $250,000 I pledged... you don't need it anymore, right?" - Michael Bloomberg

@7im: 'I fired a man in Reno, just to watch him cry'

ON TAP
By @christinawilkie

THIS WEEKEND

Friday 5:30pm - 9:00pm: Ladies and gentlemen, dueling "First Fridays" - Conservative Happy Hour for Preppies vs. Dupont Circle Gallery Tour. Guaranteed winners = twenty-somethings, cheap wine industry. [Union Pub, 201 Massachusetts Avenue NE, and along S St. NW in the Dupont area]

7:30pm - 9:30pm: Optimists in short-sleeved dress shirts pack Union Station for the t5th annual School Counselor of the Year Awards. Pep talk courtesy of Arne Duncan, peppy to the point of bubbles. [50 Massachusetts NE]

Saturday, 8:00pm: Mitt Romney's got the only post-Nevada caucus victory party - Newt Gingrich is just there for cocktail waitresses Sheldon Adelson. [Red Rock, 11011 West Charleston Blvd., Las Vegas, Nev.]

Sat. - Sun.: Judiciary Ranking Member John Conyers has extra tickets to the Superbowl, and he'll give you one for $5,000. Which is a pretty good deal, actually. [Indianapolis, Ind.]

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Filed by Eliot Nelson
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